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〃Since laws were made for every degree；
To curb vice in others as well as in me；
I wonder we ha'n't better pany
Upon Tyburn Tree！〃'
These words brought them to the drawing…room； where Mr Merdle stood
before the fire。 So immensely astounded was Mr Merdle by the entrance
of Bar with such a reference in his mouth； that Bar explained himself
to have been quoting Gay。 'Assuredly not one of our Westminster Hall
authorities；' said he； 'but still no despicable one to a man possessing
the largely…practical Mr Merdle's knowledge of the world。'
Mr Merdle looked as if he thought he would say something； but
subsequently looked as if he thought he wouldn't。 The interval afforded
time for Bishop to be announced。 Bishop came in with meekness； and yet
with a strong and rapid step as if he wanted to get his seven…league
dress…shoes on； and go round the world to see that everybody was in
a satisfactory state。 Bishop had no idea that there was anything
significant in the occasion。 That was the most remarkable trait in
his demeanour。 He was crisp； fresh； cheerful； affable； bland； but so
surprisingly innocent。
Bar sidled up to prefer his politest inquiries in reference to the
health of Mrs Bishop。 Mrs Bishop had been a little unfortunate in the
article of taking cold at a Confirmation； but otherwise was well。 Young
Mr Bishop was also well。 He was down； with his young wife and little
family； at his Cure of Souls。 The representatives of the Barnacle Chorus
dropped in next； and Mr Merdle's physician dropped in next。 Bar； who
had a bit of one eye and a bit of his double eye…glass for every one who
came in at the door； no matter with whom he was conversing or what he
was talking about； got among them all by some skilful means； without
being seen to get at them； and touched each individual gentleman of the
jury on his own individual favourite spot。 With some of the Chorus；
he laughed about the sleepy member who had gone out into the lobby the
other night； and voted the wrong way： with others； he deplored that
innovating spirit in the time which could not even be prevented from
taking an unnatural interest in the public service and the public money：
with the physician he had a word to say about the general health； he had
also a little information to ask him for； concerning a professional man
of unquestioned erudition and polished manners……but those credentials
in their highest development he believed were the possession of other
professors of the healing art （jury droop）……whom he had happened to
have in the witness…box the day before yesterday； and from whom he had
elicited in cross…examination that he claimed to be one of the exponents
of this new mode of treatment which appeared to Bar to……eh？……well； Bar
thought so； Bar had thought； and hoped； Physician would tell him so。
Without presuming to decide where doctors disagreed； it did appear to
Bar； vieon sense and not of so…called legal
peration； that this new system was……might be； in the presence of so
great an authority……say； Humbug？ Ah！ Fortified by such encouragement； he
could venture to say Humbug； and now Bar's mind was relieved。
Mr Tite Barnacle； who； like Dr johnson's celebrated acquaintance； had
only one idea in his head and that was a wrong one； had appeared by this
time。 This eminent gentleman and Mr Merdle； seated diverse ways and with
ruminating aspects on a yellow ottoman in the light of the fire；
holding no verbal munication with each other； bore a strong general
resemblance to the two cows in the Cuyp picture over against them。
But now； Lord Decimus arrived。 The Chief Butler； who up to this time
had limited himself to a branch of his usual function by looking at the
pany as they entered （and that； with more of defiance than favour）；
put himself so far out of his way as to e up…stairs with him and
announce him。 Lord Decimus being an overpowering peer； a bashful young
member of the Lower House who was the last fish but one caught by the
Barnacles； and who had been invited on this occasion to memorate his
capture； shut his eyes when his Lordship came in。
Lord Decimus； nevertheless； was glad to see the Member。 He was also
glad to see Mr Merdle； glad to see Bishop； glad to see Bar； glad to see
Physician； glad to see Tite Barnacle； glad to see Chorus； glad to
see Ferdinand his private secretary。 Lord Decimus； though one of the
greatest of the earth； was not remarkable for ingratiatory manners； and
Ferdinand had coached him up to the point of noticing all the fellows
he might find there； and saying he was glad to see them。 When he had
achieved this rush of vivacity and condescension； his Lordship posed
himself into the picture after Cuyp； and made a third cow in the group。
Bar； who felt that he had got all the rest of the jury and must now lay
hold of the Foreman； soon came sidling up； double eye…glass in hand。 Bar
tendered the weather； as a subject neatly aloof from official reserve；
for the Foreman's consideration。 Bar said that he was told （as everybody
always is told； though who tells them； and why； will ever remain a
mystery）； that there was to be no wall…fruit this year。 Lord Decimus
had not heard anything amiss of his peaches； but rather believed； if his
people were correct； he was to have no apples。 No apples？ Bar was lost
in astonishment and concern。 It would have been all one to him； in
reality； if there had not been a pippin on the surface of the earth； but
his show of interest in this apple question was positively painful。
Now； to what； Lord Decimus……for we troublesome lawyers loved to gather
information； and could never tell how useful it might prove to us……to
what； Lord Decimus； was this to be attributed？ Lord Decimus could not
undertake to propound any theory about it。 This might have stopped
another man； but Bar； sticking to him fresh as ever； said； 'As to pears；
now？'
Long after Bar got made Attorney…General； this was told of him as
a master…stroke。 Lord Decimus had a reminiscence about a pear…tree
formerly growing in a garden near the back of his dame's house at Eton；
upon which pear…tree the only joke of his life perennially bloomed。 It
was a joke of a pact and portable nature； turning on the difference
between Eton pears and Parliamentary pairs； but it was a joke； a refined
relish of which would seem to have appeared to Lord Decimus impossible
to be had without a thorough and intimate acquaintance with the tree。
Therefore； the story at first had no idea of such a tree； sir； then
gradually found it in winter； carried it through the changing season；
saw it bud； saw it blossom； saw it bear fruit； saw the fruit ripen； in
short； cultivated the tree in that diligent and minute manner before it
got out of the bed…room window to steal the fruit； that many thanks had
been offered up by belated listeners for the trees having been planted
and grafted prior to Lord Decimus's time。 Bar's interest in apples was
so overtopped by the wrapt suspense in which he pursued the changes
of these pears； from the moment when Lord Decimus solemnly opened with
'Your mentioning pears recalls to my remembrance a pear…tree；' down to
the rich conclusion； 'And so we pass； through the various changes
of life； from Eton pears to Parliamentary pairs；' that he had to go
down…stairs with Lord Decimus； and even then to be seated next to him
at table in order that he might hear the anecdote out。 By that time； Bar
felt that he had secured the Foreman； and might go to dinner with a good
appetite。
It was a dinner to provoke an appetite； though he had not had one。 The
rarest dishes； sumptuously cooked and sumptuously served； the choicest
fruits； the most exquisite wines； marvels of workmanship in gold and
silver； china and glass； innumerable things delicious to the senses of
taste； smell； and sight； were insinuated into its position。 O； what
a wonderful man this Merdle； what a great man； what a master man； how
blessedly and enviably endowed……in one word； what a rich man！
He took his usual poor eighteenpennyworth of food in his usual
indigestive way； and had as little to say for himself as ever a
wonderful man had。 Fortunately Lord Decimus was one of those sublimities
who have no occasion to be talked to； for they can be at any time
sufficiently occupied with the contemplation of their own greatness。
This enabled the bashful young Member to keep his eyes open long enough
at a time to see his dinner。 But； whenever Lord Decimus spoke； he shut
them again。
The agreeable young Barnacle； and Bar； were the talkers of the party。
Bishop would have been exceedingly agreeable also； but that his
innocence stood in his way。 He was so soon left behind。 When there was
any little hint of anything being in the wind； he got lost directly。
Worldly affairs were too much for him； he couldn't make them out at all。
This was observable when Bar said； incidentally； that he was happy to
have heard that we were soon to have the advantage of enlisting on
the good side； the sound and plain sagacity……not demonstrative or
ostentatious； but thoroughly sound and practical……of our friend Mr
Sparkler。
Ferdinand Barnacle laughed； and said oh yes； he believed so。 A vote was