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If the rooms were bare； echoing empty from floor to ceiling； that would
certainly hurt。 Like my
grandmother's funeral； when my mother had insisted that I stay outside during
the viewing。 She had said
that I didn't need to see Gran that way； to remember her that way； rather than
alive。
But wouldn't it be worse if there were no change？ If the couches sat just as
I'd last seen them； the
paintings on the walls—worse still； the piano on its low platform？ It would
be second only to the house
disappearing all together； to see that there was no physical possession that
tied them in anyway。 That
everything remained； untouched and forgotten； behind them。
Just like me。
I turned my back on the gaping emptiness and hurried to my truck。 I nearly
ran。 I was anxious to be
gone； to get back to the human world。 I felt hideously empty； and I wanted to
see Jacob。 Maybe I was
developing a new kind of sickness； another addiction； like the numbness
before。 I didn't care。 I pushed
my truck as fast as it would go as I barreled toward my fix。
Jacob was waiting for me。 My chest seemed to relax as soon as I saw him；
making it easier to breathe。
〃Hey； Bella；〃 he called。
I smiled in relief。 〃Hey； Jacob；〃 I waved at Billy； who was looking out the
window。
〃Let's get to work；〃 Jacob said in a low but eager voice。
I was somehow able to laugh。 〃You seriously aren't sick of me yet？〃 I
wondered。 He must be starting to
ask himself how desperate I was for pany。
Jacob led the way around the house to his garage。
〃Nope。 Not yet。〃
〃Please let me know when I start getting on your nerves。 I don't want to be a
pain。〃
〃Okay。〃 He laughed； a throaty sound。 〃I wouldn't hold your breath for that；
though。〃
When I walked into the garage； I was shocked to see the red bike standing up；
looking like a motorcycle
rather than a pile of jagged metal。
〃Jake； you're amazing；〃 I breathed。
He laughed again。 〃I get obsessive when I have a project。〃 He shrugged。 〃If I
had any brains I'd drag it
out a little bit。〃
〃Why？〃
He looked down； pausing for so long that I wondered if he hadn't heard my
question。 Finally； he asked
me； 〃Bella； if I told you that I couldn't fix these bikes； what would you
say？〃
I didn't answer right away； either； and he glanced up to check my expression。
〃I would say that's too bad； but I'll bet we could figure out something else
to do。 If we got really
desperate； we could even do homework。〃
Jacob smiled； and his shoulders relaxed。 He sat down next to the bike and
picked up a wrench。 〃So you
think you'll still e over when I'm done； then？〃
〃Is that what you meant？〃 I shook my head。 〃I guess I am taking advantage of
your very underpriced
mechanical skills。 But as long as you let me e over； I'll be here。〃
〃Hoping to see Quil again？〃 he teased。
〃You caught me。〃
He chuckled。 〃You really like spending time with me？〃 he asked； marveling。
〃Very； very much。 And I'll prove it。 I have to work tomorrow； but Wednesday
we'll do something
nonmechanical。〃
〃Like what？〃
〃I have no idea。 We can go to my place so you won't be tempted to be
obsessive。 You could bring your
schoolwork—you have to be getting behind； because I know I am。〃
〃Homework might be a good idea。〃 He made a face； and I wondered how much he
was leaving undone
to be with me。
〃Yes；〃 I agreed。 〃We'll have to start being responsible occasionally； or Billy
and Charlie aren't going to be
so easygoing about this。〃 I made a gesture indicating the two of us as a
single entity。 He liked that—he
beamed。
〃Homework once a week？〃 he proposed。
〃Maybe we'd better go with twice；〃 I suggested； thinking of the pile I'd just
been assigned today。
He sighed a heavy sigh。 Then he reached over his toolbox to a paper grocery
sack。 He pulled out two
cans of soda； cracking one open and handing it to me。 He opened the second；
and held it up
ceremoniously。
〃Here's to responsibility；〃 he toasted。 〃Twice a week。〃
〃And recklessness every day in between；〃 I emphasized。
He grinned and touched his can to mine。
I got home later than I'd planned and found Charlie had ordered a pizza rather
than wait for me。 He
wouldn't let me apologize。
〃I don't mind；〃 he assured me。 〃You deserve a break from all the cooking；
anyway。〃
I knew he was just relieved that I was still acting like a normal person； and
he was not about to rock the
boat。
I checked my e…mail before I started on my homework； and there was a long one
from Renee。 She
gushed over every detail I'd provided her with； so I sent back another
exhaustive description of my day。
Everything but the motorcycles。 Even happy…go…lucky Renee was likely to be
alarmed by that。
School Tuesday had its ups and downs。 Angela and Mike seemed ready to wele
me back with open
arms—to kindly overlook my few months of aberrant behavior。 Jess was more
resistant。 I wondered if
she needed a formal written apology for the Port Angeles incident。
Mike was animated and chatty at work。 It was like he'd stored up the
semester's worth of talk； and it
was all spilling out now。 I found that I was able to smile and laugh with him；
though it wasn't as effortless
as it was with Jacob。 It seemed harmless enough； until quitting time。
Mike put the closed sign in the window while I folded my vest and shoved it
under the counter。
〃This was fun tonight；〃 Mike said happily。
〃Yeah；〃 I agreed； though I'd much rather have spent the afternoon in the
garage。
〃It's too bad that you had to leave the movie early last week。〃
I was a little confused by his train of thought。 I shrugged。 〃I'm just a wimp；
I guess。〃
〃What I mean is； you should go to a better movie； something you'd enjoy；〃 he
explained。
〃Oh；〃 I muttered； still confused。
〃Like maybe this Friday。 With me。 We could go see something that isn't scary
at all。〃
I bit my lip。
I didn't want to screw things up with Mike； not when he was one of the only
people ready to forgive me
for being crazy。 But this； again； felt far too familiar。 Like the last year
had never happened。 I wished I had
Jess as an excuse this time。
〃Like a date？〃 I asked。 Honesty was probably the best policy at this point。
Get it over with。
He processed the tone of my voice 〃If you want。 But it doesn't have to be like
that。〃
〃I don't date；〃 I said slowly； realizing how true that was。 That whole world
seemed impossibly distant。
〃Just as friends？〃 he suggested。 His clear blue eyes were not as eager now。 I
hoped he really meant that
we could be friends anyway。
〃That would be fun。 But I actually have plans already this Friday； so maybe
next week？〃
〃What are you doing？〃 he asked； less casually than I think he wanted to sound。
〃Homework。 I have a study session planned with a friend。〃
〃Oh。 Okay。 Maybe next week。〃
He walked me to my car； less exuberant than before。 It reminded me so clearly
of my first months in
Forks。 I'd e full circle； and now everything felt like an echo—an empty
echo； devoid of the interest it
used to have。
The next night； Charlie didn't seem the smallest bit surprised to find Jacob
and me sprawled across the
living room floor with our books scattered around us； so I guessed that he and
Billy were talking behind
our backs。
〃Hey； kids；〃 he said； his eyes straying to the kitchen。 The smell of the
lasagna I'd spent the afternoon
making—while Jacob watched and occasionally sampled—wafted down the hall； I
was being good；
trying to atone for all the pizza。
Jacob stayed for dinner； and took a plate home for Billy。 He grudgingly added
another year to my
negotiable age for being a good cook。
Friday was the garage； and Saturday； after my shift at Newton's； was homework
again。 Charlie felt
secure enough in my sanity to spend the day fishing with Harry。 When he got
back； we were all
done—feeling very sensible and mature about it； too—and watching Monster
Garage on the Discovery
Channel。
〃I probably ought to go。〃 Jacob sighed。 〃It's later than I thought。〃
〃Okay； fine；〃 I grumbled。 〃I'll take you home。〃
He laughed at my unwilling expression—it seemed to please him。
〃Tomorrow； back to work；〃 I said as soon as we were safe in the truck。 〃What
time do you want me to
e up？〃
There was an unexplained excitement in his answering smile。 〃I'll call you
first； okay？〃
〃Sure。〃 I frowned to myself； wondering what was up。 His smile widened。
I cleaned the house the next morning—waiting for Jacob to call and trying to
shake off the Litest
nightmare。 The scenery had changed。 Last night I'd wandered in a wide sea of
ferns interspersed with
huge hemlock trees。 There was nothing else there； and I was lost； wandering
aimless and alone； searching
for nothing。 I wanted to kick myself for the stupid field trip last week。 I
shoved the dream out of my
conscious mind； hoping it would stay locked up somewhere and not escape again。
Charlie was outside washing the cruiser； so when the phone rang； I dropped the
toilet brush and ran
downstairs to answer it。
〃Hello？〃 I asked breathlessly。
〃Bella；〃 Jacob said； a strange； formal tone to his voice。
〃Hey； Jake。〃
〃I believe that we have a date〃 he said