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such a mess of
everything？ But what could I have done differently？ Even in hindsight； I
couldn't think of any better way；
any perfect course of action。
〃Bella ？〃 Jacob asked in a troubled voice。
I pulled my face out of my hands to see Jacob hesitating in the kitchen
doorway； he hadn't left when I'd
thought。 It was only when I saw the clear drops sparkling in my hands that I
realized I was crying。
Jacob's calm expression was gone； his face was anxious and unsure。 He walked
quickly back to stand in
front of me； ducking his head so that his eyes were closer to being on the
same level with mine。
〃Did it again； didn't I？〃
〃Did what？〃 I asked； my voice cracking。
〃Broke my promise。 Sorry。〃
〃'S'okay；〃 I mumbled。 〃I started it this time。〃
His face twisted。 〃I knew how you felt about them。 It shouldn't have taken me
by surprise like that。〃
I could see the revulsion in his eyes。 I wanted to explain to him what Alice
was really like； to defend her
against the judgments he'd made； but something warned me that now was not the
time。
So I just said； 〃Sorry；〃 again。
〃Let's not worry about it； okay？ She's just visiting； right？ She'll leave； and
things will go back to normal。〃
〃Can't I be friends with you both at the same time？〃 I asked； my voice not
hiding an ounce of the hurt I
felt。
He shook his head slowly。 〃No； I don't think you can。〃
I sniffed and stared at his big feet。 〃But you'll wait； right？ You'll still be
my friend； even though I love
Alice； too？〃
I didn't look up； afraid to see what he'd think of that last part。 It took him
a minute to answer； so I was
probably right not to look。
〃Yeah； I'll always be your friend；〃 he said gruffly。 〃No matter what you
love。〃
〃Promise？〃
〃Promise。〃
I felt his arms wind around me； and I leaned against his chest； still
sniffling。 〃This sucks。〃
〃Yeah。〃 Then he sniffed my hair and said； 〃Ew。〃
〃What？〃 I demanded。 I looked up to see that his nose was wrinkled again。 〃Why
does everyone keep
doing that to me？ I don't smell！〃
He smiled a little。 〃Yes； you do—you smell like them。 Blech。 Too sweet—
sickly sweet。 And icy。 It
burns my nose。〃
〃Really？〃 That was strange。 Alice smelled unbelievably wonderful。 To a human；
anyway。 〃But why would
Alice think I smelled； too； then？〃
That wiped his smile away。 〃Huh。 Maybe I don't smell so good to her； either。
Huh。〃
〃Well； you both smell fine to me。〃 I rested my head against him again。 I was
going to miss him terribly
when he walked out my door。 It was a nasty catch…22—on the one hand； I wanted
Alice to stay forever。
I was going to die—metaphorically—when she left me。 But how was I supposed
to go without seeing
Jake for any length of time？ What a mess； I thought again。
〃I'll miss you；〃 Jacob whispered； echoing my thoughts。 〃Every minute。 I hope
she leaves soon。〃
〃It really doesn't have to be that way； Jake。〃
He sighed。 〃Yes； it really does。 Bella。 You love her。 So I'd better not get
anywhere near her。 I'm not
sure that I'm even…tempered enough to handle that。 Sam would be mad if I broke
the treaty； and〃—his
voice turned sarcastic—〃you probably wouldn't like it too much if I killed
your friend。〃
I recoiled from him when he said that； but he only tightened his arms；
refusing to let me escape。 〃There's
no point in avoiding the truth。 That's the way things are； Bells。〃
〃I do not like the way things are。〃
Jacob freed one arm so that he could cup his big brown hand under my chin and
make me look at him。
〃Yeah。 It was easier when we were both human； wasn't it？〃
I sighed。
We stared at each other for a long moment。 His hand smoldered against my skin。
In my face； I knew
there was nothing but wistful sadness—I didn't want to have to say goodbye
now； no matter for how
short a time。 At first his face reflected mine； but then； as neither of us
looked away； his expression
changed。
He released me； lifting his other hand to brush his fingertips along my cheek；
trailing them down to my
jaw。 I could feel his fingers tremble—not with anger this time。 He pressed
his palm against my cheek； so
that my face was trapped between his burning hands。
〃Bella；〃 he whispered。
I was frozen。
No！ I hadn't made this decision yet。 I didn't know if I could do this； and now
I was out of time to think。
But I would have been a fool if I thought rejecting him now would have no
consequences。
I stared back at him。 He was not my Jacob； but he could be。 His face was
familiar and beloved。 In so
many real ways； I did love him。 He was my fort； my safe harbor。 Right now；
I could choose to have
him belong to me。
Alice was back for the moment； but that changed nothing。 True love was forever
lost。 The prince was
never ing back to kiss me awake from my enchanted sleep。 I was not a
princess； after all。 So what
was the fairy…tale protocol for other kisses？ The mundane kind that didn't
break any spells？
Maybe it would be easy—like holding his hand or having his arms around me。
Maybe it would feel nice。
Maybe it wouldn't feel like a betrayal。 Besides； who was I betraying； anyway？
Just myself。
Keeping his eyes on mine； Jacob began to bend his face toward me。 And I was
still absolutely
undecided。
The shrill ring of the phone made us both jump； but it did not break his
focus。 He took his hand from
under my chin and reached over me to grab the receiver； but still held my face
securely with the hand
against my cheek。 His dark eyes did not free mine。 I was too muddled to react；
even to take advantage
of the distraction。
〃Swan residence；〃 Jacob said； his husky voice low and intense。
Someone answered； and Jacob altered in an instant。 He straightened up； and his
hand dropped from my
face。 His eyes went flat； his face blank； and I would have bet the measly
remainder of my college f and
that it was Alice。
I recovered myself and held out my hand for the phone。 Jacob ignored me。
〃He's not here；〃 Jacob said； and the words were menacing。
There was some very short reply； a request for more information it seemed；
because he added
unwillingly； 〃He's at the funeral。〃
Then Jacob hung up the phone。 〃Filthy bloodsucker；〃 he muttered under his
breath。 The face he turned
back to me was the bitter mask again。
〃Who did you just hang up on？〃 I gasped； infuriated。 〃In my house； and on my
phone？〃
〃Easy！ He hung up on me！〃
〃He？ Who was it？！〃
He sneered the title。 〃Dr。 Carlisle Cullen。〃
〃Why didn't you let me talk to him？！〃
〃He didn't ask for you；〃 Jacob said coldly。 His face was smooth；
expressionless； but his hands shook。
〃He asked where Charlie was and I told him。 I don't think I broke any rules of
etiquette。〃
〃You listen to me； Jacob Black—〃
But he obviously wasn't listening。 He looked quickly over his shoulder； as if
someone had called his name
from the other room。 His eyes went wide and his body stiff； then he started
trembling。 I listened too；
automatically； but heard nothing。
〃Bye； Bells；〃 he spit out； and wheeled toward the front door。
I ran after him。 〃What is it？〃
And then I ran into him； as he rocked back on his heels； cussing under his
breath。 He spun around again；
knocking me sideways。 I bobbled and fell to the floor； my legs tangled with
his。
〃Shoot； ow！〃 I protested as he hurriedly jerked his legs free one at a time。
I struggled to pull myself up as he darted for the back door； he suddenly
froze again。
Alice stood motionless at the foot of the stairs。
〃Bella；〃 she choked。
I scrambled to my feet and lurched to her side。 Her eyes were dazed and far
away； her face drawn and
whiter than bone。 Her slim body trembled to an inner turmoil。
〃Alice； what's wrong？〃 I cried。 I put my hands on her face； trying to calm
her。
Her eyes focused on mine abruptly； wide with pain。
〃Edward；〃 was all she whispered。
My body reacted faster than my mind was able to catch up with the implications
of her reply。 I didn't at
first understand why the room was spinning or where the hollow roar in my ears
was ing from。 My
mind labored； unable to make sense of Alice's bleak face and how it could
possibly relate to Edward；
while my body was already swaying； seeking the relief of unconsciousness
before the reality could hit me。
The stairway tilted at the oddest angle。
Jacob's furious voice was suddenly in my ear； hissing out a stream of
profanities。 I felt a vague
disapproval。 His new friends were clearly a bad influence。
I was on the couch without understanding how I got there； and Jacob was still
swearing。 It felt like there
was an earthquake—the couch was shaking under me。
〃What did you do to her？〃 he demanded。
Alice ignored him。 〃Bella？ Bella； snap out of it。 We have to hurry。〃
〃Stay back；〃 Jacob warned。
〃Calm down； Jacob Black；〃 Alice ordered。 〃You don't want to do that so close
to her。〃
〃I don't think I'll have any problem keeping my focus；〃 he retorted； but his
voice sounded a little cooler。
〃Alice？〃 My voice was weak。 〃What happened？〃 I asked； even though I didn't
want to hear。
〃I don't know；〃 she suddenly wailed。 〃What is he thinking？！〃
I labored to pull myself up despite the dizziness。 I rea