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han I intended。
Perhaps the effort it cost me was evident in my voice。 She raised herself quickly in the chair and half turned towards me。
〃W'ell； Tom？〃
〃I…I am very sorry you are going away。〃
〃So am I。 I have enjoyed every hour of my visit。〃
〃Do you think you will ever come back here？〃
〃Perhaps；〃 said Nelly； and her eyes wandered off into the fitful firelight。
〃I suppose you will forget us all very quickly。〃
〃Indeed I shall not。 I shall always have the pleasantest memories of Rivermouth。〃
Here the conversation died a natural death。 Nelly sank into a sort of dream； and I meditated。 Fearing every moment to be interrupted by some member of the family； I nerved myself to make a bold dash。
〃Nelly。〃
〃Well。〃
〃Do you…〃 I hesitated。
〃Do I what？〃
〃Love anyone very much？〃
〃Why； of course I do；〃 said Nelly； scattering her revery with a merry laugh。 〃I love Uncle Nutter； and Aunt Nutter； and you…and Towser。〃
Towser； our new dog！ I couldn't stand that。 I pushed back the stool impatiently and stood in front of her。
〃That's not what I mean；〃 I said angrily。
〃Well； what do you mean？〃
〃Do you love anyone to marry him？〃
〃The idea of it；〃 cried Nelly； laughing。
〃But you must tell me。〃
〃Must； Tom？〃
〃Indeed you must； Nelly。〃
She had risen from the chair with an amused； perplexed look in her eyes。 I held her an instant by the dress。
〃Please tell me。〃
〃O you silly boy！〃 cried Nelly。 Then she rumpled my hair all over my forehead and ran laughing out of the room。
Suppose Cinderella had rumpled the prince's hair all over his forehead； how would he have liked it？ Suppose the Sleeping Beauty； when the king's son with a kiss set her and all the old clocks agoing in the spell…bound castle…suppose the young minx had looked up and coolly laughed in his eye； I guess the king's son wouldn't have been greatly pleased。
I hesitated a second or two and then rushed after Nelly just in time to run against Miss Abigail； who entered the room with a couple of lighted candles。
〃Goodness gracious； Tom！〃 exclaimed Miss Abigail。 〃Are you possessed？〃
I left her scraping the warm spermaceti from one of her thumbs。
Nelly was in the kitchen talking quite unconcernedly with Kitty Collins。 There she remained until supper…time。 Supper over； we all adjourned to the sitting…room。 I planned and plotted； but could manage in no way to get Nelly alone。 She and the Captain played cribbage all the evening。
The next morning my lady did not make her appearance until we were seated at the breakfast…table。 I had got up at daylight myself。 Immediately after breakfast the carriage arrived to take her to the railway station。 A gentleman stepped from this carriage； and greatly to my surprise was warmly welcomed by the Captain and Miss Abigail； and by Miss Nelly herself； who seemed unnecessarily glad to see him。 From the hasty conversation that followed I learned that the gentleman had come somewhat unexpectedly to conduct Miss Nelly to Boston。 But how did he know that she was to leave that morning？ Nelly bade farewell to the Captain and Miss Abigail； made a little rush and kissed me on the nose； and was gone。
As the wheels of the hack rolled up the street and over my finer feelings； I turned to the Captain。
〃Who was that gentleman； sir？〃
〃That was Mr。 Waldron。〃
〃A relation of yours； sir？〃 I asked craftily。
〃No relation of mine…a relation of Nelly's；〃 said the Captain； smiling。
〃A cousin；〃 I suggested； feeling a strange hatred spring up in my bosom for the unknown。
〃Well； I suppose you might call him a cousin for the present。 He's going to marry little Nelly next summer。〃
In one of Peter Parley's valuable historical works is a description of an earthquake at Lisbon。 〃At the first shock the inhabitants rushed into the streets； the earth yawned at their feet and the houses tottered and fell on every side。〃 I staggered past the Captain into the street； a giddiness came over me； the earth yawned at my feet； and the houses threatened to fall in on every side of me。 How distinctly I remember that momentary sense of confusion when everything in the world seemed toppling over into ruins。
As I have remarked； my love for Nelly is a thing of the past。 I had not thought of her for years until I sat down to write this chapter； and yet； now that all is said and done； I shouldn't care particularly to come across Mrs。 Waldron's eldest boy in my afternoon's walk。 He must be fourteen or fifteen years old by this time…the young villain！
Chapter Nineteen
I Become A Blighted Being
When a young boy gets to be an old boy； when the hair is growing rather thin on the top of the old boy's head； and he has been tamed sufficiently to take a sort of chastened pleasure in allowing the baby to play with his watch…seals…when； I say； an old boy has reached this stage in the journey of life； he is sometimes apt to indulge in sportive remarks concerning his first love。
Now； though I bless my stars that it wasn't in my power to marry Miss Nelly； I am not going to deny my boyish regard for her nor laugh at it。 As long as it lasted it was a very sincere and unselfish love； and rendered me proportionately wretched。 I say as long as it lasted； for one's first love doesn't last forever。
I am ready； however； to laugh at the amusing figure I cut after I had really ceased to have any deep feeling in the matter。 It was then I took it into my head to be a Blighted Being。 This was about two weeks after the spectral appearance of Mr。 Waldron。
For a boy of a naturally vivacious disposition the part of a blighted being presented difficulties。 I had an excellent appetite； I liked society； I liked out…of…door sports； I was fond of handsome clothes。 Now all these things were incompatible with the doleful character I was to assume； and I proceeded to cast them from me。 I neglected my hair。 I avoided my playmates。 I frowned abstractedly。 I didn't eat as much as was good for me。 I took lonely walks。 1 brooded in solitude。 I not only committed to memory the more turgid poems of the late Lord Byron…〃Fare thee well； and if forever；〃 &c。…but I became a despondent poet on my own account； and composed a string of 〃Stanzas to One who will understand them。〃 1 think I was a trifle too hopeful on that point； for I came across the verses several years afterwards； and was quite unable to understand them myself。
It was a great comfort to be so perfectly miserable and yet not suffer any。 I used to look in the glass and gloat over the amount and variety of mournful expression I could throw into my features。 If I caught myself smiling at anything； I cut the smile short with a sigh。 The oddest thing about all this is； I never once suspected that I was not unhappy。 No one； not even Pepper Whitcomb； was more deceived than I。
Among the minor pleasures of being blighted were the interest and perplexity I excited in the simple souls that were thrown in daily contact with me。 Pepper especially。 I nearly drove him into a corresponding state of mind。
I had from time to time given Pepper slight but impressive hints of my admiration for Some One （this was in the early part of Miss Glentworth's visit）； I had also led him to infer that my admiration was not altogether in vain。 He was therefore unable to explain the cause of my strange behavior； for I had carefully refrained from mentioning to Pepper the fact that Some One had turned out to be Another's。
I treated Pepper shabbily。 I couldn't resist playing on his tenderer feelings。 He was a boy bubbling over with sympathy for anyone in any kind of trouble。 Our intimacy since Binny Wallace's death had been uninterrupted； but now I moved in a sphere apart； not to be profaned by the step of an outsider。
I no longer joined the boys on the playground at recess。 I stayed at my desk reading some lugubrious volume…usually The Mysteries of Udolpho； by the amiable Mrs。 Radcliffe。 A translation of The Sorrows of Werter fell into my hands at this period； and if I could have committed suicide without killing myself； I should certainly have done so。
On half…holidays； instead of fraternizing with Pepper and the rest of our clique； I would wander off alone to Grave Point。
Grave Point…the place where Binny Wallace's body came ashore…was a narrow strip of land running out into the river。 A line of Lombardy poplars； stiff and severe； like a row of grenadiers； mounted guard on the water…side。 On the extreme end of the peninsula was an old disused graveyard； tenanted principally by the early settlers who had been scalped by the Indians。 In a remote corner of the cemetery； set apart from the other mounds； was the grave of a woman who had been hanged in the old colonial times for the murder of her infant。 Goodwife Polly Haines had denied the crime to the last； and after her death there had arisen strong doubts as to her actual guilt。 It was a belief current among the lads of the town； that if you went to this grave at nightfall on the 10th of November…the anniversary of her execution…and asked； 〃For what did the magistrates hang you？〃 a voice would reply； 〃Nothing。〃
Many a Rivermouth boy has tremblingly put this question in the dark； and； sure enough； Polly Haines invariably answered not