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them； that I could not even bear to read them over with attention enough to notice the press errors or to correct any verbal inaccuracies。 These were my reasons for troubling my reader with any record； long or short； of experiments relating to so truly base a subject as my own body； and I am earnest with the reader that he will not forget them； or so far misapprehend me as to believe it possible that I would condescend to so rascally a subject for its own sake； or indeed for any less object than that of general benefit to others。 Such an animal as the self…observing valetudinarian I know there is； I have met him myself occasionally； and I know that he is the worst imaginable HEAUTONTIMOROUMENOS； aggravating and sustaining； by calling into distinct consciousness； every symptom that would else perhaps； under a different direction given to the thoughts； become evanescent。 But as to myself； so profound is my contempt for this undignified and selfish habit； that I could as little condescend to it as I could to spend my time in watching a poor servant girl； to whom at this moment I hear some lad or other making love at the back of my house。 Is it for a Transcendental Philosopher to feel any curiosity on such an occasion？ Or can I； whose life is worth only eight and a half years' purchase； be supposed to have leisure for such trivial employments？ However； to put this out of question； I shall say one thing； which will perhaps shock some readers； but I am sure it ought not to do so； considering the motives on which I say it。 No man； I suppose； employs much of his time on the phenomena of his own body without some regard for it； whereas the reader sees that； so far from looking upon mine with any complacency or regard； I hate it； and make it the object of my bitter ridicule and contempt； and I should not be displeased to know that the last indignities which the law inflicts upon the bodies of the worst malefactors might hereafter fall upon it。 And； in testification of my sincerity in saying this； I shall make the following offer。 Like other men； I have particular fancies about the place of my burial； having lived chiefly in a mountainous region； I rather cleave to the conceit； that a grave in a green churchyard amongst the ancient and solitary hills will be a sublimer and more tranquil place of repose for a philosopher than any in the hideous Golgothas of London。 Yet if the gentlemen of Surgeons' Hall think that any benefit can redound to their science from inspecting the appearances in the body of an opium…eater； let them speak but a word； and I will take care that mine shall be legally secured to themi。e。； as soon as I have done with it myself。 Let them not hesitate to express their wishes upon any scruples of false delicacy and consideration for my feelings； I assure them they will do me too much honour by 〃demonstrating〃 on such a crazy body as mine； and it will give me pleasure to anticipate this posthumous revenge and insult inflicted upon that which has caused me so much suffering in this life。 Such bequests are not common； reversionary benefits contingent upon the death of the testator are indeed dangerous to announce in many cases： of this we have a remarkable instance in the habits of a Roman prince； who used； upon any notification made to him by rich persons that they had left him a handsome estate in their wills； to express his entire satisfaction at such arrangements and his gracious acceptance of those loyal legacies； but then； if the testators neglected to give him immediate possession of the property； if they traitorously 〃persisted in living〃 （si vivere perseverarent； as Suetonius expresses it）； he was highly provoked； and took his measures accordingly。 In those times； and from one of the worst of the Caesars； we might expect such conduct； but I am sure that from English surgeons at this day I need look for no expressions of impatience； or of any other feelings but such as are answerable to that pure love of science and all its interests which induces me to make such an offer。
Sept 30； 1822
Footnotes：
｛1｝ 〃Not yet RECORDED；〃 I say； for there is one celebrated man of the present day； who； if all be true which is reported of him； has greatly exceeded me in quantity。
｛2｝ A third exception might perhaps have been added； and my reason for not adding that exception is chiefly because it was only in his juvenile efforts that the writer whom I allude to expressly addressed hints to philosophical themes； his riper powers having been all dedicated （on very excusable and very intelligible grounds； under the present direction of the popular mind in England） to criticism and the Fine Arts。 This reason apart； however； I doubt whether he is not rather to be considered an acute thinker than a subtle one。 It is； besides； a great drawback on his mastery over philosophical subjects that he has obviously not had the advantage of a regular scholastic education： he has not read Plato in his youth （which most likely was only his misfortune）； but neither has he read Kant in his manhood （which is his fault）。
｛3｝ I disclaim any allusion to EXISTING professors； of whom indeed I know only one。
｛4｝ To this same Jew； by the way； some eighteen months afterwards； I applied again on the same business； and； dating at that time from a respectable college； I was fortunate enough to gain his serious attention to my proposals。 My necessities had not arisen from any extravagance or youthful levities （these my habits and the nature of my pleasures raised me far above）； but simply from the vindictive malice of my guardian； who； when he found himself no longer able to prevent me from going to the university； had； as a parting token of his good nature； refused to sign an order for granting me a shilling beyond the allowance made to me at schoolviz。； 100 pounds per annum。 Upon this sum it was in my time barely possible to have lived in college； and not possible to a man who； though above the paltry affectation of ostentatious disregard for money； and without any expensive tastes； confided nevertheless rather too much in servants； and did not delight in the petty details of minute economy。 I soon； therefore； became embarrassed； and at length； after a most voluminous negotiation with the Jew （some parts of which； if I had leisure to rehearse them； would greatly amuse my readers）； I was put in possession of the sum I asked for； on the 〃regular〃 terms of paying the Jew seventeen and a half per cent。 by way of annuity on all the money furnished； Israel； on his part； graciously resuming no more than about ninety guineas of the said money； on account of an attorney's bill （for what services； to whom rendered； and when； whether at the siege of Jerusalem； at the building of the second Temple； or on some earlier occasion； I have not yet been able to discover）。 How many perches this bill measured I really forget； but I still keep it in a cabinet of natural curiosities； and some time or other I believe I shall present it to the British Museum。
｛5｝ The Bristol mail is the best appointed in the Kingdom； owing to the double advantages of an unusually good road and of an extra sum for the expenses subscribed by the Bristol merchants。
｛6｝ It will be objected that many men； of the highest rank and wealth； have in our own day； as well as throughout our history； been amongst the foremost in courting danger in battle。 True； but this is not the case supposed； long familiarity with power has to them deadened its effect and its attractions。
｛7｝ ＇Greek text＇
｛8｝ ＇Greek text＇。 EURIP。 Orest。
｛9｝ ＇Greek text＇
｛10｝ ＇Greek text＇。 The scholar will know that throughout this passage I refer to the early scenes of the Orestes； one of the most beautiful exhibitions of the domestic affections which even the dramas of Euripides can furnish。 To the English reader it may be necessary to say that the situation at the opening of the drama is that of a brother attended only by his sister during the demoniacal possession of a suffering conscience （or； in the mythology of the play； haunted by the Furies）； and in circumstances of immediate danger from enemies； and of desertion or cold regard from nominal friends。
｛11｝ EVANESCED： this way of going off the stage of life appears to have been well known in the 17th century； but at that time to have been considered a peculiar privilege of blood…royal； and by no means to be allowed to druggists。 For about the year 1686 a poet of rather ominous name （and who； by…the…bye； did ample justice to his name）； viz。； Mr。 FLAT…MAN； in speaking of the death of Charles II。 expresses his surprise that any prince should commit so absurd an act as dying； because； says he；
〃Kings should disdain to die； and only DISAPPEAR。〃
They should ABSCOND； that is； into the other world。
｛12｝ Of this； however； the learned appear latterly to have doubted； for in a pirated edition of Buchan's Domestic Medicine； which I once saw in the hands of a farmer's wife； who was studying it for the benefit of her health； the Doctor was made to say〃Be particularly careful never to take above five…and…twenty OUNCES of laudanum at once；〃 the true reading being probably five…and…twenty DROPS； which are held equal to about one gra