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confessions of an english opium-eater-第5章

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t); and these at uncertain intervals; constituted my whole support。  During the former part of my sufferings (that is; generally in Wales; and always for the first two months in London) I was houseless; and very seldom slept under a roof。   To this constant exposure to the open air I ascribe it mainly that I did not sink under my torments。  Latterly; however; when colder and more inclement weather came on; and when; from the length of m sufferings; I had begun to sink into a more languishing condition; it was no doubt fortunate for me that the same person to whose breakfast…table I had access; allowed me to sleep in a large unoccupied house of which he was tenant。  Unoccupied I call it; for there was no household or establishment in it; nor any furniture; indeed; except a table and a few chairs。  But I found; on taking possession of my new quarters; that the house already contained one single inmate; a poor friendless child; apparently ten years old; but she seemed hunger…bitten; and sufferings of that sort often make children look older than they are。  From this forlorn child I learned that she had slept and lived there alone for some time before I came; and great joy the poor creature expressed when she found that I was in future to be her companion through the hours of darkness。  The house was large; and; from the want of furniture; the noise of the rats made a prodigious echoing on the spacious staircase and hall; and amidst the real fleshly ills of cold and; I fear; hunger; the forsaken child had found leisure to suffer still more (it appeared) from the self…created one of ghosts。  I promised her protection against all ghosts whatsoever; but alas! I could offer her no other assistance。  We lay upon the floor; with a bundle of cursed law papers for a pillow; but with no other covering than a sort of large horseman's cloak; afterwards; however; we discovered in a garret an old sofa…cover; a small piece of rug; and some fragments of other articles; which added a little to our warmth。 The poor child crept close to me for warmth; and for security against her ghostly enemies。  When I was not more than usually ill I took her into my arms; so that in general she was tolerably warm; and often slept when I could not; for during the last two months of my sufferings I slept much in daytime; and was apt to fall into transient dosings at all hours。  But my sleep distressed me more than my watching; for beside the tumultuousness of my dreams (which were only not so awful as those which I shall have to describe hereafter as produced by opium); my sleep was never more than what is called DOG…SLEEP; so that I could hear myself moaning; and was often; as it seemed to me; awakened suddenly by my own voice; and about this time a hideous sensation began to haunt me as soon as I fell into a slumber; which has since returned upon me at different periods of my lifeviz。; a sort of twitching (I know not where; but apparently about the region of the stomach) which compelled me violently to throw out my feet for the sake of relieving it。  This sensation coming on as soon as I began to sleep; and the effort to relieve it constantly awaking me; at length I slept only from exhaustion; and from increasing weakness (as I said before) I was constantly falling asleep and constantly awaking。  Meantime; the master of the house sometimes came in upon us suddenly; and very early; sometimes not till ten o'clock; sometimes not at all。  He was in constant fear of bailiffs。  Improving on the plan of Cromwell; every night he slept in a different quarter of London; and I observed that he never failed to examine through a private window the appearance of those who knocked at the door before he would allow it to be opened。  He breaksfasted alone; indeed; his tea equipage would hardly have admitted of his hazarding an invitation to a second person; any more than the quantity of esculent materiel; which for the most part was little more than a roll or a few biscuits which he had bought on his road from the place where he had slept。  Or; if he HAD asked a partyas I once learnedly and facetiously observed to himthe several members of it must have STOOD in the relation to each other (not SATE in any relation whatever) of succession; as the metaphysicians have it; and not of a coexistence; in the relation of the parts of time; and not of the parts of space。  During his breakfast I generally contrived a reason for lounging in; and; with an air of as much indifference as I could assume; took up such fragments as he had left; sometimes; indeed; there were none at all。  In doing this I committed no robbery except upon the man himself; who was thus obliged (I believe) now and then to send out at noon for an extra biscuit; for as to the poor child; SHE was never admitted into his study (if I may give that name to his chief depository of parchments; law writings; &c。); that room was to her the Bluebeard room of the house; being regularly locked on his departure to dinner; about six o'clock; which usually was his final departure for the night。  Whether this child were an illegitimate daughter of Mr。 …; or only a servant; I could not ascertain; she did not herself know; but certainly she was treated altogether as a menial servant。  No sooner did Mr。make his appearance than she went below stairs; brushed his shoes; coat; &c。; and; except when she was summoned to run an errand; she never emerged from the dismal Tartarus of the kitchen; &c。; to the upper air until my welcome knock at night called up her little trembling footsteps to the front door。  Of her life during the daytime; however; I knew little but what I gathered from her own account at night; for as soon as the hours of business commenced I saw that my absence would be acceptable; and in general; therefore; I went off and sate in the parks or elsewhere until nightfall。

But who and what; meantime; was the master of the house himself? Reader; he was one of those anomalous practitioners in lower departments of the law whowhat shall I say?who on prudential reasons; or from necessity; deny themselves all indulgence in the luxury of too delicate a conscience; (a periphrasis which might be abridged considerably; but THAT I leave to the reader's taste):  in many walks of life a conscience is a more expensive encumbrance than a wife or a carriage; and just as people talk of 〃laying down〃 their carriages; so I suppose my friend Mr。had 〃laid down〃 his conscience for a time; meaning; doubtless; to resume it as soon as he could afford it。  The inner economy of such a man's daily life would present a most strange picture; if I could allow myself to amuse the reader at his expense。  Even with my limited opportunities for observing what went on; I saw many scenes of London intrigues and complex chicanery; 〃cycle and epicycle; orb in orb;〃 at which I sometimes smile to this day; and at which I smiled then; in spite of my misery。  My situation; however; at that time gave me little experience in my own person of any qualities in Mr。 …'s character but such as did him honour; and of his whole strange composition I must forget everything but that towards me he was obliging; and to the extent of his power; generous。

That power was not; indeed; very extensive; however; in common with the rats; I sate rent free; and as Dr。 Johnson has recorded that he never but once in his life had as much wall…fruit as he could eat; so let me be grateful that on that single occasion I had as large a choice of apartments in a London mansion as I could possibly desire。 Except the Bluebeard room; which the poor child believed to be haunted; all others; from the attics to the cellars; were at our service; 〃the world was all before us;〃 and we pitched our tent for the night in any spot we chose。  This house I have already described as a large one; it stands in a conspicuous situation and in a well… known part of London。  Many of my readers will have passed it; I doubt not; within a few hours of reading this。  For myself; I never fail to visit it when business draws me to London; about ten o'clock this very night; August 15; 1821being my birthdayI turned aside from my evening walk down Oxford Street; purposely to take a glance at it; it is now occupied by a respectable family; and by the lights in the front drawing…room I observed a domestic party assembled; perhaps at tea; and apparently cheerful and gay。  Marvellous contrast; in my eyes; to the darkness; cold; silence; and desolation of that same house eighteen years ago; when its nightly occupants were one famishing scholar and a neglected child。  Her; by…the…bye; in after…years I vainly endeavoured to trace。  Apart from her situation; she was not what would be called an interesting child; she was neither pretty; nor quick in understanding; nor remarkably pleasing in manners。  But; thank God! even in those years I needed not the embellishments of novel accessories to conciliate my affections:  plain human nature; in its humblest and most homely apparel; was enough for me; and I loved the child because she was my partner in wretchedness。  If she is now living she is probably a mother; with children of her own; but; as I have said; I could never trace her。

This I regret; but another person there was at that time whom I have
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