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the poor clare-第7章

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id has daunted me in my wish to become Lucy's husband; nor will I shrink from any difficulty that; as such an aspirant; I may have to encounter。  You say you are friendlesswhy cast away an honest friend?  I will tell you of people to whom you may write; and who will answer any questions as to my character and prospects。  I do not shun inquiry。〃

She shook her head again。  〃You had better go away; sir。  You know nothing about us。〃

〃I know your names;〃 said I; 〃and I have heard you allude to the part of the country from which you came; which I happen to know as a wild and lonely place。  There are so few people living in it that; if I chose to go there; I could easily ascertain all about you; but I would rather hear it from yourself。〃  You see I wanted to pique her into telling me something definite。

〃You do not know our true names; sir;〃 said she; hastily。

〃Well; I may have conjectured as much。  But tell me; then; I conjure you。  Give me your reasons for distrusting my willingness to stand by what I have said with regard to Mistress Lucy。〃

〃Oh; what can I do?〃 exclaimed she。  〃If I am turning away a true friend; as he says?Stay!〃 coming to a sudden decision〃 I will tell you somethingI cannot tell you allyou would not believe it。 But; perhaps; I can tell you enough to prevent your going on in your hopeless attachment。  I am not Lucy's mother。〃

〃So I conjectured;〃 I said。  〃Go on。〃

〃I do not even know whether she is the legitimate or illegitimate child of her father。  But he is cruelly turned against her; and her mother is long dead; and for a terrible reason; she has no other creature to keep constant to her but me。  Sheonly two years ago such a darling and such a pride in her father's house!  Why; sir; there is a mystery that might happen in connection with her any moment; and then you would go away like all the rest; and; when you next heard her name; you would loathe her。  Others; who have loved her longer; have done so before now。  My poor child! whom neither God nor man has mercy uponor; surely; she would die!〃

The good woman was stopped by her crying。  I confess; I was a little stunned by her last words; but only for a moment。  At any rate; till I knew definitely what was this mysterious stain upon one so simple and pure; as Lucy seemed; I would not desert her; and so I said; and she made me answer:…

〃If you are daring in your heart to think harm of my child; sir; after knowing her as you have done; you are no good man yourself; but I am so foolish and helpless in my great sorrow; that I would fain hope to find a friend in you。  I cannot help trusting that; although you may no longer feel toward her as a lover; you will have pity upon us; and perhaps; by your learning you can tell us where to go for aid。〃

〃I implore you to tell me what this mystery is;〃 I cried; almost maddened by this suspense。

〃I cannot;〃 said she; solemnly。  〃I am under a deep vow of secrecy。 If you are to be told; it must be by her。〃  She left the room; and I remained to ponder over this strange interview。  I mechanically turned over the few books; and with eyes that saw nothing at the time; examined the tokens of Lucy's frequent presence in that room。

When I got home at night; I remembered how all these trifles spoke of a pure and tender heart and innocent life。  Mistress Clarke returned; she had been crying sadly。

〃Yes;〃 said she; 〃it is as I feared:  she loves you so much that she is willing to run the fearful risk of telling you all herselfshe acknowledges it is but a poor chance; but your sympathy will be a balm; if you give it。  To…morrow; come here at ten in the morning; and; as you hope for pity in your hour of agony; repress all show of fear or repugnance you may feel towards one so grievously afflicted。〃

I half smiled。  〃Have no fear;〃 I said。  It seemed too absurd to imagine my feeling dislike to Lucy。

〃Her father loved her well;〃 said she; gravely; 〃yet he drove her out like some monstrous thing。〃

Just at this moment came a peal of ringing laughter from the garden。 It was Lucy's voice; it sounded as if she were standing just on one side of the open casementand as though she were suddenly stirred to merrimentmerriment verging on boisterousness; by the doings or sayings of some other person。  I can scarcely say why; but the sound jarred on me inexpressibly。  She knew the subject of our conversation; and must have been at least aware of the state of agitation her friend was in; she herself usually so gentle and quiet。 I half rose to go to the window; and satisfy my instinctive curiosity as to what had provoked this burst of; ill…timed laughter; but Mrs。 Clarke threw her whole weight and power upon the hand with which she pressed and kept me down。

〃For God's sake!〃 she said; white and trembling all over; 〃sit still; be quiet。  Oh! be patient。  To…morrow you will know all。  Leave us; for we are all sorely afflicted。  Do not seek to know more about us。〃

Again that laughso musical in sound; yet so discordant to my heart。 She held me tighttighter; without positive violence I could not have risen。  I was sitting with my back to the window; but I felt a shadow pass between the sun's warmth and me; and a strange shudder ran through my frame。  In a minute or two she released me。

〃Go;〃 repeated she。  〃Be warned; I ask you once more。  I do not think you can stand this knowledge that you seek。  If I had had my own way; Lucy should never have yielded; and promised to tell you all。  Who knows what may come of it?〃

〃I am firm in my wish to know all。  I return at ten tomorrow morning; and then expect to see Mistress Lucy herself。〃

I turned away; having my own suspicions; I confess; as to Mistress Clarke's sanity。

Conjectures as to the meaning of her hints; and uncomfortable thoughts connected with that strange laughter; filled my mind。  I could hardly sleep。  I rose early; and long before the hour I had appointed; I was on the path over the common that led to the old farm…house where they lodged。  I suppose that Lucy had passed no better a night than I; for there she was also; slowly pacing with her even step; her eyes bent down; her whole look most saintly and pure。 She started when I came close to her; and grew paler as I reminded her of my appointment; and spoke with something of the impatience of obstacles that; seeing her once more; had called up afresh in my mind。  All strange and terrible hints; and giddy merriment were forgotten。  My heart gave forth words of fire; and my tongue uttered them。  Her colour went and came; as she listened; but; when I had ended my passionate speeches; she lifted her soft eyes to me; and said …

〃But you know that you have something to learn about me yet。  I only want to say this:  I shall not think less of youless well of you; I meanif you; too; fall away from me when you know all。  Stop!〃 said she; as if fearing another burst of mad words。  〃Listen to me。  My father is a man of great wealth。  I never knew my mother; she must have died when I was very young。  When first I remember anything; I was living in a great; lonely house; with my dear and faithful Mistress Clarke。  My father; even; was not there; he washe isa soldier; and his duties lie aboard。  But he came from time to time; and every time I think he loved me more and more。  He brought me rarities from foreign lands; which prove to me now how much he must have thought of me during his absences。  I can sit down and measure the depth of his lost love now; by such standards as these。  I never thought whether he loved me or not; then; it was so natural; that it was like the air I breathed。  Yet he was an angry man at times; even then; but never with me。  He was very reckless; too; and; once or twice; I heard a whisper among the servants that a doom was over him; and that he knew it; and tried to drown his knowledge in wild activity; and even sometimes; sir; in wine。  So I grew up in this grand mansion; in that lonely place。  Everything around me seemed at my disposal; and I think every one loved me; I am sure I loved them。 Till about two years agoI remember it wellmy father had come to England; to us; and he seemed so proud and so pleased with me and all I had done。  And one day his tongue seemed loosened with wine; and he told me much that I had not known till then;how dearly he had loved my mother; yet how his wilful usage had caused her death; and then he went on to say how he loved me better than any creature on earth; and how; some day; he hoped to take me to foreign places; for that he could hardly bear these long absences from his only child。  Then he seemed to change suddenly; and said; in a strange; wild way; that I was not to believe what he said; that there was many a thing he loved betterhis horsehis dogI know not what。

〃And 'twas only the next morning that; when I came into his room to ask his blessing as was my wont; he received me with fierce and angry words。  'Why had I;' so he asked; 'been delighting myself in such wanton mischiefdancing over the tender plants in the flower…beds; all set with the famous Dutch bulbs he had brought from Holland?' I had never been out of doors that morning; sir; and I could not conceive what he meant; and so I said; and then he swore at me for a liar; and said I wa
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