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perfect philosopher； that he looks upon all superfluities with
the most sovereign
contempt。 Having given you this sketch of squire Paunceford； I
need not make any comment on his character； but leave it at the
mercy of your own reflection； from which I dare say； it will meet
with as little quarter as it has found with
Yours always；
J。 MELFORD
BATH； May 10。
To Mrs MARY JONES； at Brambleton…hall。
DEAR MOLLY；
We are all upon the ving Hey for London； girl！ Fecks！ we have
been long enough here； for we're all turned tipsy turvy Mistress
has excarded Sir Ulic for kicking of Chowder； and I have sent O
Frizzle away； with a flea in his ear I've shewn him how little I
minded his tinsy and his long tail A fellor； who would think for
to go； for to offer； to take up with a dirty trollop under my
nose I ketched him in the very feet； coming out of the
housemaids garret。 But I have gi'en the dirty slut a siserary。 O
Molly！ the sarvants at Bath are devils in garnet。 They lite the
candle at both ends Here's nothing but ginketting； and wasting；
and thieving and tricking； and trigging； and then they are never
content They won't suffer the 'squire and mistress to stay any
longer； because they have been already above three weeks in the
house； and they look for a couple of ginneys a…piece at our going
away； and this is a parquisite they expect every month in the
season； being as how no family has a right to stay longer than
four weeks in the same lodgings； and so the cuck swears she will
pin the dish…clout to mistress's tail； and the house…maid vows；
she'll put cowitch in master's bed； if so be he don't discamp
without furder ado I don't blame them for making the most of
their market； in the way of vails and parquisites； and I defy the
devil to say I am a tail…carrier； or ever brought a poor sarvant
into trouble But then they oft to have some conscience； in
vronging those that be sarvants like themselves For you must no；
Molly； I missed three…quarters of blond lace； and a remnant of
muslin； and my silver thimble； which was the gift of true love；
they were all in my workbasket； that I left upon the table in the
sarvants…hall； when mistresses bell rung； but if they had been
under lock and kay； 'twould have been all the same； for there are
double keys to all the locks in Bath； and they say as how the
very teeth an't safe in your head； if you sleep with your mouth
open And so says I to myself； them things could not go without
hands； and so I'll watch their waters： and so I did with a
vitness； for then it was I found Bett consarned with O Frizzle。
And as the cuck had thrown her
slush at me； because I had taken part with Chowder； when he fit；
with the turnspit； I resolved to make a clear kitchen； and throw
some of her fat into the fire。 I ketched the chare…woman going
out with her load in the morning； before she thought I was up；
and brought her to mistress with her whole cargo Marry； what
do'st think she had got in the name of God？ Her buckets were
foaming full of our best bear； and her lap was stuffed with a
cold tongue； part of a buttock of beef； half a turkey； and a
swinging lump of butter； and the matter of ten mould kandles；
that had scarce ever been lit。 The cuck brazened it out； and said
it was her rite to rummage the pantry； and she was ready for to
go before the mare： that he had been her potticary many years；
and would never think of hurting a poor sarvant； for giving away
the scraps of the kitchen。 I went another way to work with madam
Betty； because she had been saucy； and called me skandelus names；
and said O Frizzle couldn't abide me； and twenty other odorous
falsehoods。 I got a varrant from the mare； and her box being
sarched by the constable； my things came out sure enuff； besides
a full pound of vax candles； and a nite…cap of mistress； that I
could sware to on my cruperal oaf O！ then madam Mopstick came
upon her merry bones； and as the squire wouldn't hare of a
pursecution； she scaped a skewering： but the longest day she has
to live； she'll remember your
Humble sarvant；
W。 JENKINS
BATH； May 15。
If the hind should come again； before we be gone； pray send me
the shift and apron； with the vite gallow manky shoes； which
you'll find in my pillowber Sarvice to Saul
To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS； Bart。 of Jesus college； Oxon。
You are in the right； dear Phillips； I don't expect regular
answers to every letter I know a college…life is too
circumscribed to afford materials for such quick returns of
communication。 For my part； I am continually shifting the scene；
and surrounded with new objects； some of which are striking
enough。 I shall therefore conclude my journal for your amusement；
and； though； in all appearance； it will not treat of very
important or interesting particulars； it may prove； perhaps； not
altogether uninstructive and unentertaining。
The music and entertainments of Bath are over for this season；
and all our gay birds of passage have taken their flight to
Bristolwell； Tunbridge； Brighthelmstone； Scarborough； Harrowgate；
&c。 Not a soul is seen in this place； but a few broken…winded
parsons； waddling like so many crows along the North Parade。
There is always a great shew of the clergy at Bath： none of your
thin； puny； yellow； hectic figures； exhausted with abstinence；
and hardy study； labouring under the morbi eruditorum； but great
overgrown dignitaries and rectors； with rubicund noses and gouty
ancles； or broad bloated faces； dragging along great swag
bellies； the emblems of sloth and indigestion。
Now we are upon the subject of parsons； I must tell you a
ludicrous adventure； which was achieved the other day by Tom
Eastgate； whom you may remember on the foundation of Queen's。 He
had been very assiduous to pin himself upon George Prankley； who
was a gentleman…commoner of Christchurch； knowing the said
Prankley was heir to a considerable estate； and would have the
advowson of a good living； the incumbent of which was very old
and infirm。 He studied his passions； and flattered them so
effectually； as to become his companion and counsellor； and； at
last； obtained of him a promise of the presentation； when the
living should fall。 Prankley； on his uncle's death； quitted
Oxford； and made his first appearance in the fashionable world at
London； from whence he came lately to Bath； where he has been
exhibiting himself among the bucks and gamesters of the place。
Eastgate followed him hither； but he should not have quitted him
for a moment； at his first emerging into life。 He ought to have
known he was a fantastic； foolish； fickle fellow； who would
forget his college…attachments the moment they ceased appealing
to his senses。 Tom met with a cold reception from his old friend；
and was； moreover； informed； that he had promised the living to
another man； who had a vote in the county； where he proposed to
offer himself a candidate at the next general election。 He now
remembered nothing of Eastgate； but the freedoms he had used to
take with him； while Tom had quietly stood his butt； with an eye
to the benefice； and those freedoms he began to repeat in common…place
sarcasms on his person and his cloth； which he uttered in
the public coffeehouse； for the entertainment of the company。 But
he was egregiously mistaken in giving his own wit credit for that
tameness of Eastgate； which had been entirely owing to prudential
considerations。 These being now removed； he retorted his repartee
with interest； and found no great difficulty in turning the laugh
upon the aggressor； who； losing his temper； called him names； and
asked； If he knew whom he talked to？ After much altercation；
Prankley； shaking his cane； bid him hold his tongue； otherwise he
could dust his cassock for him。 'I have no pretensions to such a
valet （said Tom） but if you should do me that office； and
overheat yourself； I have here a good oaken towel at your
service。'
Prankley was equally incensed and confounded at this reply。 After
a moment's pause； he took him aside towards die window； and；
pointing to the clump of firs； on Clerken…down； asked in a
whisper； if he had spirit enough to meet him there； with a case
of pistols； at six o'clock tomorrow morning。 Eastgate answered in
the affirmative； and； with a steady countenance； assured him； he
would not fail to give him the rendezvous at the hour he
mentioned。 So saying； he retired； and the challenger stayed some
time in manifest agitation。 In the morning； Eastgate； who knew
his man； and had taken his resolution； went to Prankley's
lodgings； and roused him by five o'clock。
The squire； in all probability； cursed his punctuality in his
heart； but he affected to talk big； and having prepared his
artillery overnight； they crossed the water at the end of the
South Parade。 In their progress up the hill； Prankley often eyed
the parson； in hopes of perceiving some reluctance in his
countenance； but as no such marks appeared； he attempted to
intimidate him by word of mouth。 'If these flints do their office
（said he） I'll do thy business in a few minutes。' 'I desire you
will do your best （replied the other）； for my part； I come not
here to trifle。 Our lives are in the hands of God；