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spy； or a lunatic。 Every person you deal with endeavours to
overreach you in the way of business； you are preyed upon by idle
mendicants； who beg in the phrase of borrowing； and live upon the
spoils of the stranger Your tradesmen are without conscience；
your friends without affection； and your dependents without
fidelity。
My letter would swell into a treatise； were I to particularize
every cause of offence that fills up the measure of my aversion
to this； and every other crowded city Thank Heaven！ I am not so
far sucked into the vortex； but that I can disengage myself
without any great effort of philosophy From this wild uproar of
knavery； folly； and impertinence； I shall fly with double relish
to the serenity of retirement； the cordial effusions of
unreserved friendship； the hospitality and protection of the
rural gods； in a word； the jucunda oblivia Vitae； which Horace
himself had not taste enough to enjoy。
I have agreed for a good travelling…coach and four； at a guinea a
day； for three months certain； and next week we intend to begin
our journey to the North； hoping still to be with you by the
latter end of October I shall continue to write from every stage
where we make any considerable halt； as often as anything occurs；
which I think can afford you the least amusement。 In the mean
time； I must beg you will superintend the oeconomy of Barns； with
respect to my hay and corn harvests； assured that my ground
produces nothing but what you may freely call your own On any
other terms I should be ashamed to subscribe myself
Your unvariable friend；
MATT。 BRAMBLE
LONDON； June 8。
To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS； Bart。 of Jesus college； Oxon。
DEAR PHILLIPS；
In my last； I mentioned my having spent an evening with a society
of authors； who seemed to be jealous and afraid of one another。
My uncle was not at all surprised to hear me say I was
disappointed in their conversation。 'A man may be very
entertaining and instructive upon paper （said he）； and
exceedingly dull in common discourse。 I have observed； that those
who shine most in private company； are but secondary stars in the
constellation of genius A small stock of ideas is more easily
managed； and sooner displayed； than a great quantity crowded
together。 There is very seldom any thing extraordinary in the
appearance and address of a good writer； whereas a dull author
generally distinguishes himself by some oddity or extravagance。
For this reason； I fancy； that an assembly of Grubs must be very
diverting。'
My curiosity being excited by this hint； I consulted my friend
Dick Ivy； who undertook to gratify it the very next day； which
was Sunday last。 He carried me to dine with S； whom you and I
have long known by his writings。 He lives in the skirts of the
town； and every Sunday his house is opened to all unfortunate
brothers of the quill； whom he treats with beef； pudding； and
potatoes； port； punch； and Calvert's entire butt beer。 He has
fixed upon the first day of the week for the exercise of his
hospitality； because some of his guests could not enjoy it on any
other； for reasons that I need not explain。 I was civilly
received in a plain； yet decent habitation； which opened
backwards into a very pleasant garden； kept in excellent order；
and； indeed； I saw none of the outward signs of authorship；
either in the house or the landlord； who is one of those few
writers of the age that stand upon their own foundation； without
patronage； and above dependence。 If there was nothing
characteristic in the entertainer； the company made ample amends
for his want of singularity。
At two in the afternoon； I found myself one of ten messmates
seated at table； and； I question； if the whole kingdom could
produce such another assemblage of originals。 Among their
peculiarities； I do not mention those of dress； which may be
purely accidental。 What struck me were oddities originally
produced by affectation； and afterwards confirmed by habit。 One
of them wore spectacles at dinner； and another his hat flapped；
though （as Ivy told me） the first was noted for having a seaman's
eye； when a bailiff was in the wind； and the other was never
known to labour under any weakness or defect of vision； except
about five years ago； when he was complimented with a couple of
black eyes by a player； with whom he had quarrelled in his drink。
A third wore a laced stocking； and made use of crutches； because；
once in his life； he had been laid up with a broken leg； though
no man could leap over a stick with more agility。 A fourth had
contracted such an antipathy to the country； that he insisted
upon sitting with his back towards the window that looked into
the garden； and when a dish of cauliflower was set upon the
table； he snuffed up volatile salts to keep him from fainting；
yet this delicate person was the son of a cottager； born under a
hedge； and had many years run wild among asses on a common。 A
fifth affected distraction。 When spoke to； he always answered from
the purpose sometimes he suddenly started up； and rapped out a
dreadful oath sometimes he burst out a…laughing then he folded
his arms； and sighed and then； he hissed like fifty serpents。
At first I really thought he was mad； and； as he sat near me；
began to be under some apprehensions for my own safety； when our
landlord； perceiving me alarmed； assured me aloud that I had
nothing to fear。 'The gentleman （said he） is trying to act a part
for which he is by no means qualified if he had all the
inclination in the world； it is not in his power to be mad。 His
spirits are too flat to be kindled into frenzy。' ''Tis no bad p…p…puff；
however （observed a person in a tarnished laced coat）：
aff…ffected in…madness w…will p…pass for w…wit w…with nine…ninet…teen
out of t…twenty。' 'And affected stuttering for humour：
replied our landlord； tho'； God knows； there is an affinity
betwixt them。' It seems； this wag； after having made some
abortive attempts in plain speaking； had recourse to this defect；
by means of which he frequently extorted the laugh of the
company； without the least expence of genius； and that
imperfection； which he had at first counterfeited； was now become
so habitual； that he could not lay it aside。
A certain winking genius； who wore yellow gloves at dinner； had；
on his first introduction； taken such offence at S； because he
looked and talked； and ate and drank like any other man； that he
spoke contemptuously of his understanding ever after； and never
would repeat his visit； until he had exhibited the following
proof of his caprice。 Wat Wyvil； the poet； having made some
unsuccessful advances towards an intimacy with S； at last gave
him to understand； by a third person； that he had written a poem
in his praise； and a satire against his person； that if he would
admit him to his house； the first should be immediately sent to
press； but that if he persisted in declining his friendship； he
would publish his satire without delay。 S replied； that he
looked upon Wyvil's panegyrick； as in effect； a species of
infamy； and would resent it accordingly with a good cudgel； but
if he published the satire； he might deserve his compassion； and
had nothing to fear from his revenge。 Wyvil having considered the
alternative； resolved to mortify S by printing the panegyrick；
for which he received a sound drubbing。 Then he swore the peace
against the aggressor； who； in order to avoid a prosecution at
law； admitted him to his good graces。 It was the singularity in
S's conduct； on this occasion； that reconciled him to the
yellow…gloved philosopher； who owned he had some genius； and from
that period cultivated his acquaintance。
Curious to know upon what subjects the several talents of my
fellow…guests were employed； I applied to my communicative friend
Dick Ivy； who gave me to understand； that most of them were； or
had been； understrappers； or journeymen； to more creditable
authors； for whom they translated； collated； and compiled； in the
business of bookmaking； and that all of them had； at different
times； laboured in the service of our landlord； though they had
now set up for themselves in various departments of literature。
Not only their talents； but also their nations and dialects were
so various； that our conversation resembled the confusion of
tongues at Babel。 We had the Irish brogue； the Scotch accent； and
foreign idiom； twanged off by the most discordant vociferation；
for； as they all spoke together； no man had any chance to be
heard； unless he could bawl louder than his fellows。 It must be
owned； however； there was nothing pedantic in their discourse；
they carefully avoided all learned disquisitions； and endeavoured
to be facetious； nor did their endeavours always miscarry some
droll repartee passed； and much laughter was excited； and if any
individual lost his temper so far as to transgress the bounds of
decorum； he was effectually checked by the master of the feast；
who exerted a sort of paternal authority over this irritable
tribe。
The most learned philosopher of the whole collection； who had
been expelled the university for atheism； has made great progress
in a refutation of lord Bolingbroke's metaphysical