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If I have not been lucky in the lottery of life； so neither do I
think myself unfortunate I owe to no man a farthing； I can
always command a clean shirt； a mutton…chop； and a truss of
straw； and when I die； I shall leave effects sufficient to defray
the expence of my burial。'
My uncle assured him； he had no intention to give him the least
offence； by the observations he had made； but； on the contrary；
spoke from a sentiment of friendly regard to his interest The
lieutenant thanked him with a stiffness of civility； which
nettled our old gentleman； who perceived that his moderation was
all affected； for； whatsoever his tongue might declare； his whole
appearance denoted dissatisfaction In short； without pretending
to judge of his military merit； I think I may affirm； that this
Caledonian is a self…conceited pedant； aukward； rude； and
disputacious He has had the benefit of a school…education； seems
to have read a good number of books； his memory is tenacious； and
he pretends to speak several different languages； but he is so
addicted to wrangling； that he will cavil at the clearest truths；
and； in the pride of argumentation； attempt to reconcile
contradictions Whether his address and qualifications are really
of that stamp which is agreeable to the taste of our aunt； Mrs
Tabitha； or that indefatigable maiden is determined to shoot at
every sort of game； certain it is she has begun to practice upon
the heart of the lieutenant； who favoured us with his company to
supper。
I have many other things to say of this man of war； which I shall
communicate in a post or two； mean while； it is but reasonable
that you should be indulged with some respite from those weary
lucubrations of
Yours；
J。 MELFORD
NEWCASTLE UPON TYNE； July 10。
To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS Bart。 of Jesus college； Oxon。
DEAR PHILLIPS；
In my last I treated you with a high flavoured dish； in the
character of the Scotch lieutenant； and I must present him once
more for your entertainment。 It was our fortune to feed upon him
the best part of three days； and I do not doubt that he will
start again in our way before we shall have finished our northern
excursion。 The day after our meeting with him at Durham proved so
tempestuous that we did not choose to proceed on our journey； and
my uncle persuaded him to stay till the weather should clear up；
giving him； at the same time； a general invitation to our mess。
The man has certainly gathered a whole budget of shrewd
observations； but he brings them forth in such an ungracious
manner as would be extremely disgusting； if it was not marked by
that characteristic oddity which never fails to attract the
attention He and Mr Bramble discoursed； and even disputed； on
different subjects in war； policy； the belles lettres； law； and
metaphysics； and sometimes they were warmed into such altercation
as seemed to threaten an abrupt dissolution of their society； but
Mr Bramble set a guard over his own irascibility； the more
vigilantly as the officer was his guest； and when； in spite of
all his efforts； he began to wax warm； the other prudently cooled
in the same proportion。
Mrs Tabitha chancing to accost her brother by the familiar
diminutive of Matt； 'Pray； sir （said the lieutenant）； 'is your
name Matthias？' You must know it is one of our uncle's foibles to
be ashamed of his name Matthew； because it is puritanical； and
this question chagrined him so much； that he answered； 'No； by G…d！'
in a very abrupt tone of displeasure。 The Scot took umbrage
at the manner of his reply； and bristling up； 'If I had known
（said he） that you did not care to tell your name； I should not
have asked the question The leddy called you Matt； and I
naturally thought it was Matthias： perhaps； it may be
Methuselah； or Metrodorus； or Metellus； or Mathurinus； or
Malthinnus； or Matamorus； or ' 'No （cried my uncle laughing）； it
is neither of those； captain： my name is Matthew Bramble； at；
your service。 The truth is； have a foolish pique at the name of
Matthew； because it favours of those canting hypocrites； who； in
Cromwell's time； christened all their children by names taken
from the scripture。' 'A foolish pique indeed。 （cried Mrs Tabby）；
and even sinful； to fall out with your name because it is taken
from holy writ。 I would have you to know； you was called after
great…uncle Matthew ap Madoc ap Meredith； esquire； of
Llanwysthin； in Montgomeryshire； justice of the quorum； and
crusty ruttleorum； a gentleman of great worth and property；
descended in a strait line； by the female side； from Llewellyn；
prince of Wales。'
This genealogical anecdote seemed to make some impression upon
the North…Briton； who bowed very low to the descendant of
Llewellyn； and observed that he himself had the honour of a
scriptural nomination。 The lady expressing a desire of knowing
his address； he said； he designed himself Lieutenant Obadiah
Lismahago； and in order to assist her memory； he presented her
with a slip of paper inscribed with these three words； which she
repeated with great emphasis； declaring； it was one of the most
noble and sonorous names she had ever heard。 He observed that
Obadiah was an adventitious appellation； derived from his great…
grandfather； who had been one of the original covenanters； but
Lismahago was the family surname； taken from a place in Scotland
so called。 He likewise dropped some hints about the antiquity of
his pedigree； adding； with a smile of self…denial； Sed genus et
proavos； et quoe non fecimus ipsi； vix ea nostra voco； which
quotation he explained in deference to the ladies； and Mrs
Tabitha did not fail to compliment him on his modesty in waving
the merit of his ancestry； adding； that it was the less necessary
to him； as he had such a considerable fund of his own。 She now
began to glew herself to his favour with the grossest adulation。
She expatiated upon the antiquity and virtues of the Scottish
nation； upon their valour； probity； learning； and politeness。 She
even descended to encomiums on his own personal address； his
gallantry； good sense； and erudition。 She appealed to her
brother； whether the captain was not the very image of our cousin
governor Griffith。 She discovered a surprising eagerness to know
the particulars of his life； and asked a thousand questions
concerning his atchievements in war； all which Mr Lismahago
answered with a sort of jesuitical reserve； affecting a
reluctance to satisfy her curiosity on a subject that concerned
his own exploits。
By dint of her interrogations； however； we learned； that he and
ensign Murphy had made their escape from the French hospital at
Montreal； and taken to the woods； in hope of reaching some
English settlement； but mistaking their route； they fell in with
a party of Miamis； who carried them away in captivity。 The
intention of these Indians was to give one of them as an adopted
son to a venerable sachem； who had lost his own in the course of
the war； and to sacrifice the other according to the custom of
the country。 Murphy； as being the younger and handsomer of the
two； was designed to fill the place of the deceased； not only as
the son of the sachem； but as the spouse of a beautiful squaw； to
whom his predecessor had been betrothed； but in passing through
the different whigwhams or villages of the Miamis； poor Murphy
was so mangled by the women and children； who have the privilege
of torturing all prisoners in their passage； that； by the time
they arrived at the place of the sachem's residence； he was
rendered altogether unfit for the purposes of marriage： it was
determined therefore； in the assembly of the warriors； that
ensign Murphy should be brought to the stake； and that the lady
should be given to lieutenant Lismahago； who had likewise
received his share of torments； though they had not produced
emasculation。 A joint of one finger had been cut； or rather
sawed off with a rusty knife； one of his great toes was crushed
into a mash betwixt two stones； some of his teeth were drawn； or
dug out with a crooked nail； splintered reeds had been thrust up
his nostrils and other tender parts； and the calves of his legs
had been blown up with mines of gunpowder dug in the flesh with
the sharp point of the tomahawk。
The Indians themselves allowed that Murphy died with great
heroism； singing； as his death song； the Drimmendoo； in concert
with Mr Lismahago； who was present at the solemnity。 After the
warriors and the matrons had made a hearty meal upon the muscular
flesh which they pared from the victim； and had applied a great
variety of tortures； which he bore without flinching； an old
lady； with a sharp knife； scooped out one of his eyes； and put a
burning coal in the socket。 The pain of this operation was so
exquisite that he could not help bellowing； upon which the
audience raised a shout of exultation； and one of the warriors
stealing behind him； gave him the coup de grace with a hatchet。
Lismahago's bride； the squaw Squinkinacoosta； distinguished
herself on this occasion。 She shewed a great superiority of
genius in the tortures which she contrived and executed with her
own hands。 She vied with the stoutest warrior in eating the
flesh of the