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would naturally hate me； if I kept back one moment。 I long to pay them for their tricks t'other day； the debt of a drubbing； which surely I'll pay： but WHEN； WHERE or HOW； it is impossible； your own good sense must tell you； for me or mortal man to say。〃 Yet he now wished to be relieved from this service。 The country； he said； had attached a confidence to his name； which he had submitted to； and therefore had cheerfully repaired to the station； but this boat business； though it might be part of a great plan of invasion； could never be the only one； and he did not think it was a command for a vice…admiral。 It was not that he wanted a more lucrative situation； for； seriously indisposed as he was； and low…spirited from private considerations； he did not know； if the Mediterranean were vacant； that he should be equal to undertake it。 He was offended with the Admiralty for refusing him leave to go to town when he had solicited： in reply to a friendly letter from Troubridge he says； 〃I am at this moment as firmly of opinion as ever； that Lord St。 Vincent and yourself should have allowed of my coming to town for my own affairs； for every one knows I left it without a thought for myself。〃
His letters at this time breathe an angry feeling toward Troubridge； who was now become； he said； one of his lords and masters。 〃I have a letter from him；〃 he says； 〃recommending me to wear flannel shirts。 Does he care for me？ NO： but never mind。 They shall work hard to get me again。 The cold has settled in my bowels。 I wish the Admiralty had my complaint： but they have no bowels； at least for me。 I daresay Master Troubridge is grown fat； I know I am grown lean with my complaint； which； but for their indifference about my health； could never have happened； or； at least； I should have got well long ago in a warm room with a good fire and sincere friend。〃 In the same tone of bitterness he complained that he was not able to promote those whom he thought deserving。 〃Troubridge；〃 he says； 〃has so completely prevented my ever mentioning anybody's service； that I am become a cipher； and he has gained a victory over Nelson's spirit。 I am kept here； for what？he may be able to tell； I cannot。 But long it cannot； shall not be。〃 An end was put to this uncomfortable state of mind when； fortunately （on that account） for him； as well as happily for the nation； the peace of Amiens was just at this time signed。 Nelson rejoiced that the experiment was made； but was well aware that it was an experiment。 He saw what he called the misery of peace； unless the utmost vigilance and prudence were exerted； and he expressed； in bitter terms； his proper indignation at the manner in which the mob of London welcomed the French general who brought the ratification saying； 〃that they made him ashamed of his country。〃
He had purchased a house and estate at Merton； in Surrey； meaning to pass his days there in the society of Sir William and Lady Hamilton。 He had indulged in pleasant dreams when looking on to this as his place of residence and rest。 〃To be sure；〃 he says； 〃we shall employ the tradespeople of our village in preference to any others in what we want for common use； and give them every encouragement to be kind and attentive to us。〃 〃Have we a nice church at Merton？ We will set an example of goodness to the under…parishioners。 I admire the pigs and poultry。 Sheep are certainly most beneficial to eat off the grass。 Do you get paid for them； and take care that they are kept on the premises all night； for that is the time they do good to the land。 They should be folded。 Is your head…man a good person； and true to our interest？ I intend to have a farming…book。 I expect that all animals will increase where you are； for I never expect that you will suffer any to be killed。 No person can take amiss our not visiting。 The answer from me will always be very civil thanks； but that I wish to live retired。 We shall have our sea…friends； and I know Sir William thinks they are the best。〃 This place he had never seen till he was now welcomed there by the friends to whom he had so passionately devoted himself； and who were not less sincerely attached to him。 The place； and everything which Lady Hamilton had done to it； delighted him； and he declared that the longest liver should possess it all。 Here he amused himself with angling in the Wandle； having been a good fly…fisher in former days； and learning now to practise with his left hand what he could no longer pursue as a solitary diversion。 His pensions for his victories； and for the loss of his eye and arm； amounted with his half…pay to about L3400 a…year。 From this he gave L1800 to Lady Nelson； L200 to a brother's widow； and L150 for the education of his children； and he paid L500 interest for borrowed money； so that Nelson was comparatively a poor man； and though much of the pecuniary embarrassment which he endured was occasioned by the separation from his wifeeven if that cause had not existed； his income would not have been sufficient for the rank which he held； and the claims which would necessarily be made upon his bounty。 The depression of spirits under which he had long laboured arose partly from this state of his circumstances； and partly from the other disquietudes in which his connection with Lady Hamilton had involved hima connection which it was not possible his father could behold without sorrow and displeasure。 Mr。 Nelson； however； was soon persuaded that the attachment； which Lady Nelson regarded with natural jealousy and resentment； did not in reality pass the bounds of ardent and romantic admiration： a passion which the manners and accomplishments of Lady Hamilton； fascinating as they were； would not have been able to excite； if they had not been accompanied by more uncommon intellectual endowments； and by a character which； both in its strength and in its weakness； resembled his own。 It did not； therefore； require much explanation to reconcile him to his sonan event the more essential to Nelson's happiness； because； a few months afterwards； the good old man died at the age of seventy…nine。
Soon after the conclusion of peace； tidings arrived of our final and decisive successes in Egypt； in consequence of which； the common council voted their thanks to the army and navy for bringing the campaign to so glorious a conclusion。 When Nelson； after the action of Cape St。 Vincent； had been entertained at a city feast； he had observed to the lord mayor； 〃that； if the city continued its generosity； the navy would ruin them in gifts。〃 To which the lord mayor replied； putting his hand upon the admiral's shoulder： 〃Do you find victories and we will find rewards。〃 Nelson； as he said； had kept his word； had doubly fulfilled his part of the contract； but no thanks had been voted for the battle of Copenhagen； and feeling that he and his companions in that day's glory had a fair and honourable claim to this reward； he took the present opportunity of addressing a letter to the lord mayor； complaining of the omission and the injustice。 〃The smallest services；〃 said he； 〃rendered by the army or navy to the country； have always been noticed by the great city of London with one exceptionthe glorious 2nd of Aprila day when the greatest dangers of navigation were overcome； and the Danish force； which they thought impregnable； totally taken or destroyed； by the consummate skill of our commanders； and by the undaunted bravery of as gallant a band as ever defended the rights of this country。 For myself； if I were only personally concerned； I should bear the stigma； attempted to be now first placed upon my brow； with humility。 But； my lord； I am the natural guardian of the fame of all the officers of the navy； army； and marines who fought； and so profusely bled； under my command on that day。 Again I disclaim for myself more merit than naturally falls to a successful commander； but when I am called upon to speak of the merits of the captains of his Majesty's ships； and of the officers and men； whether seamen； marines； or soldiers； whom I that day had the happiness to command； I then say； that never was the glory of this country upheld with more determined bravery than on that occasion： and if I may be allowed to give an opinion as a Briton； then I say； that more important service was never rendered to our king and country。 It is my duty； my lord； to prove to the brave fellows； my companions in danger； that I have not failed at every proper place to represent； as well as I am able； their bravery and meritorious conduct。〃
Another honour； of greater import； was withheld from the conquerors。 The king had given medals to those captains who were engaged in the battles of the 1st of June； of Cape St。 Vincent； of Camperdown； and of the Nile。 Then came the victory at Copenhagen； which Nelson truly called the most difficult achievement； the hardest…fought battle； the most glorious result that ever graced the annals of our country。 He； of course； expected the medal； and in writing to Earl St。 Vincent； said； 〃He longed to have it； and would not give it up to be made an English duke。〃 The medal； however； was not given：〃For what reason；〃 said Nelson； 〃Lord St。 Vincent best knows。〃 Words plainly implying a suspicion that it was withheld by some feeling of jealo