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ladies of this kingdom。 We cannot think so lightly of them as to suppose
that the mere circumstance of a man's wearing a red coat ensures him a
ready passport to their regard； and even if this were the case； it would be
no satisfactory explanation of the circumstance； because； although the
analogy may in some degree hold good in the case of mail coachmen and
guards； still general postmen wear red coats； and THEY are not to our
knowledge better received than other men； nor are firemen either； who
wear （or used to wear） not only red coats； but very resplendent and
massive badges besides … much larger than epaulettes。 Neither do the
twopenny post…office boys； if the result of our inquiries be correct； find
any peculiar favour in woman's eyes； although they wear very bright red
jackets； and have the additional advantage of constantly appearing in
public on horseback； which last circumstance may be naturally supposed
to be greatly in their favour。
We have sometimes thought that this phenomenon may take its rise in
the conventional behaviour of captains and colonels and other gentlemen
in red coats on the stage； where they are invariably represented as fine
swaggering fellows； talking of nothing but charming girls； their king and
country； their honour； and their debts； and crowing over the inferior classes
of the community； whom they occasionally treat with a little gentlemanly
swindling； no less to the improvement and pleasure of the audience； than
to the satisfaction and approval of the choice spirits who consort with
them。 But we will not devote these pages to our speculations upon the
subject； inasmuch as our business at the present moment is not so much
with the young ladies who are bewitched by her Majesty's livery as with
the young gentlemen whose heads are turned by it。 For 'heads' we had
written 'brains；' but upon consideration； we think the former the more
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appropriate word of the two。
These young gentlemen may be divided into two classes … young
gentlemen who are actually in the army； and young gentlemen who；
having an intense and enthusiastic admiration for all things appertaining to
a military life； are compelled by adverse fortune or adverse relations to
wear out their existence in some ignoble counting…house。 We will take
this latter description of military young gentlemen first。
The whole heart and soul of the military young gentleman are
concentrated in his favourite topic。 There is nothing that he is so learned
upon as uniforms； he will tell you； without faltering for an instant； what
the habiliments of any one regiment are turned up with； what regiment
wear stripes down the outside and inside of the leg； and how many buttons
the Tenth had on their coats； he knows to a fraction how many yards and
odd inches of gold lace it takes to make an ensign in the Guards； is deeply
read in the comparative merits of different bands； and the apparelling of
trumpeters； and is very luminous indeed in descanting upon 'crack
regiments；' and the 'crack' gentlemen who compose them； of whose
mightiness and grandeur he is never tired of telling。
We were suggesting to a military young gentleman only the other day；
after he had related to us several dazzling instances of the profusion of
half…a…dozen honourable ensign somebodies or nobodies in the articles of
kid gloves and polished boots； that possibly 'cracked' regiments would be
an improvement upon 'crack；' as being a more expressive and appropriate
designation； when he suddenly interrupted us by pulling out his watch； and
observing that he must hurry off to the Park in a cab； or he would be too
late to hear the band play。 Not wishing to interfere with so important an
engagement； and being in fact already slightly overwhelmed by the
anecdotes of the honourable ensigns afore…mentioned； we made no attempt
to detain the military young gentleman； but parted company with ready
good…will。
Some three or four hours afterwards； we chanced to be walking down
Whitehall； on the Admiralty side of the way； when； as we drew near to one
of the little stone places in which a couple of horse soldiers mount guard
in the daytime； we were attracted by the motionless appearance and eager
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gaze of a young gentleman； who was devouring both man and horse with
his eyes； so eagerly； that he seemed deaf and blind to all that was passing
around him。 We were not much surprised at the discovery that it was our
friend； the military young gentleman； but we WERE a little astonished
when we returned from a walk to South Lambeth to find him still there；
looking on with the same intensity as before。 As it was a very windy day；
we felt bound to awaken the young gentleman from his reverie； when he
inquired of us with great enthusiasm； whether 'that was not a glorious
spectacle；' and proceeded to give us a detailed account of the weight of
every article of the spectacle's trappings； from the man's gloves to the
horse's shoes。
We have made it a practice since； to take the Horse Guards in our daily
walk； and we find it is the custom of military young gentlemen to plant
themselves opposite the sentries； and contemplate them at leisure； in
periods varying from fifteen minutes to fifty； and averaging twenty…five。
We were much struck a day or two since； by the behaviour of a very
promising young butcher who （evincing an interest in the service； which
cannot be too strongly commanded or encouraged）； after a prolonged
inspection of the sentry； proceeded to handle his boots with great curiosity；
and as much composure and indifference as if the man were wax…work。
But the really military young gentleman is waiting all this time； and at
the very moment that an apology rises to our lips； he emerges from the
barrack gate （he is quartered in a garrison town）； and takes the way
towards the high street。 He wears his undress uniform； which somewhat
mars the glory of his outward man； but still how great； how grand； he is！
What a happy mixture of ease and ferocity in his gait and carriage； and
how lightly he carries that dreadful sword under his arm； making no more
ado about it than if it were a silk umbrella！ The lion is sleeping： only
think if an enemy were in sight； how soon he'd whip it out of the scabbard；
and what a terrible fellow he would be！
But he walks on； thinking of nothing less than blood and slaughter；
and now he comes in sight of three other military young gentlemen； arm…
in…arm； who are bearing down towards him； clanking their iron heels on
the pavement； and clashing their swords with a noise； which should cause
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all peaceful men to quail at heart。 They stop to talk。 See how the
flaxen…haired young gentleman with the weak legs … he who has his
pocket…handkerchief thrust into the breast of his coat…glares upon the
fainthearted civilians who linger to look upon his glory； how the next
young gentleman elevates his head in the air； and majestically places his
arms a…kimbo； while the third stands with his legs very wide apart； and
clasps his hands behind him。 Well may we inquire … not in familiar jest；
but in respectful earnest … if you call that nothing。 Oh！ if some
encroaching foreign power … the Emperor of Russia； for instance； or any of
those deep fellows； could only see those military young gentlemen as they
move on together towards the billiard…room over the way； wouldn't he
tremble a little！
And then； at the Theatre at night； when the