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and only grows up； is nourished and improved by enjoyment； as being of
itself spiritual； and the soul growing still more refined by practice。
Under this perfect friendship； the other fleeting affections have in my
younger years found some place in me； to say nothing of him； who himself
so confesses but too much in his verses； so that I had both these
passions； but always so； that I could myself well enough distinguish
them； and never in any degree of comparison with one another； the first
maintaining its flight in so lofty and so brave a place； as with disdain
to look down； and see the other flying at a far humbler pitch below。
As concerning marriage； besides that it is a covenant； the entrance into
which only is free； but the continuance in it forced and compulsory；
having another dependence than that of our own free will； and a bargain
commonly contracted to other ends； there almost always happens a thousand
intricacies in it to unravel； enough to break the thread and to divert
the current of a lively affection： whereas friendship has no manner of
business or traffic with aught but itself。 Moreover； to say truth； the
ordinary talent of women is not such as is sufficient to maintain the
conference and communication required to the support of this sacred tie；
nor do they appear to be endued with constancy of mind； to sustain the
pinch of so hard and durable a knot。 And doubtless； if without this；
there could be such a free and voluntary familiarity contracted； where
not only the souls might have this entire fruition； but the bodies also
might share in the alliance； and a man be engaged throughout； the
friendship would certainly be more full and perfect； but it is without
example that this sex has ever yet arrived at such perfection； and； by
the common consent of the ancient schools； it is wholly rejected from it。
That other Grecian licence is justly abhorred by our manners； which also；
from having； according to their practice； a so necessary disparity of age
and difference of offices betwixt the lovers； answered no more to the
perfect union and harmony that we here require than the other：
〃Quis est enim iste amor amicitiae？ cur neque deformem
adolescentem quisquam amat； neque formosum senem？〃
＇〃For what is that friendly love？ why does no one love a deformed
youth or a comely old man？〃Cicero； Tusc。 Quaes。； iv。 33。＇
Neither will that very picture that the Academy presents of it； as I
conceive； contradict me； when I say； that this first fury inspired by the
son of Venus into the heart of the lover； upon sight of the flower and
prime of a springing and blossoming youth； to which they allow all the
insolent and passionate efforts that an immoderate ardour can produce；
was simply founded upon external beauty； the false image of corporal
generation； for it could not ground this love upon the soul； the sight of
which as yet lay concealed； was but now springing； and not of maturity to
blossom； that this fury； if it seized upon a low spirit； the means by
which it preferred its suit were rich presents； favour in advancement to
dignities； and such trumpery； which they by no means approve； if on a
more generous soul； the pursuit was suitably generous； by philosophical
instructions； precepts to revere religion； to obey the laws； to die for
the good of one's country； by examples of valour； prudence； and justice；
the lover studying to render himself acceptable by the grace and beauty
of the soul； that of his body being long since faded and decayed； hoping
by this mental society to establish a more firm and lasting contract。
When this courtship came to effect in due season （for that which they do
not require in the lover； namely； leisure and discretion in his pursuit；
they strictly require in the person loved； forasmuch as he is to judge of
an internal beauty； of difficult knowledge and abstruse discovery）； then
there sprung in the person loved the desire of a spiritual conception；
by the mediation of a spiritual beauty。 This was the principal； the
corporeal； an accidental and secondary matter； quite the contrary as to
the lover。 For this reason they prefer the person beloved； maintaining
that the gods in like manner preferred him too； and very much blame the
poet AEschylus for having； in the loves of Achilles and Patroclus； given
the lover's part to Achilles； who was in the first and beardless flower
of his adolescence； and the handsomest of all the Greeks。 After this
general community； the sovereign； and most worthy part presiding and
governing； and performing its proper offices； they say； that thence great
utility was derived； both by private and public concerns； that it
constituted the force and power of the countries where it prevailed； and
the chiefest security of liberty and justice。 Of which the healthy loves
of Harmodius and Aristogiton are instances。 And therefore it is that
they called it sacred and divine； and conceive that nothing but the
violence of tyrants and the baseness of the common people are inimical to
it。 Finally； all that can be said in favour of the Academy is； that it
was a love which ended in friendship； which well enough agrees with the
Stoical definition of love：
〃Amorem conatum esse amicitiae faciendae
ex pulchritudinis specie。〃
＇〃Love is a desire of contracting friendship arising from the beauty
of the object。〃Cicero； Tusc。 Quaes。； vi。 34。＇
I return to my own more just and true description：
〃Omnino amicitiae； corroboratis jam confirmatisque；
et ingeniis； et aetatibus； judicandae sunt。〃
＇〃Those are only to be reputed friendships that are fortified and
confirmed by judgement and the length of time。〃
Cicero； De Amicit。；c。 20。＇
For the rest； what we commonly call friends and friendships； are nothing
but acquaintance and familiarities； either occasionally contracted； or
upon some design； by means of which there happens some little intercourse
betwixt our souls。 But in the friendship I speak of； they mix and work
themselves into one piece； with so universal a mixture； that there is no
more sign of the seam by which they were first conjoined。 If a man
should importune me to give a reason why I loved him； I find it could no
otherwise be expressed； than by making answer： because it was he； because
it was I。 There is； beyond all that I am able to say； I know not what
inexplicable and fated power that brought on this union。 We sought one
another long before we met； and by the characters we heard of one
another； which wrought upon our affections more than； in reason； mere
reports should do； I think 'twas by some secret appointment of heaven。
We embraced in our names； and at our first meeting； which was
accidentally at a great city entertainment； we found ourselves so
mutually taken with one another； so acquainted； and so endeared betwixt
ourselves； that from thenceforward nothing was so near to us as one
another。 He wrote an excellent Latin satire； since printed； wherein he
excuses the precipitation of our intelligence； so suddenly come to
perfection； saying； that destined to have so short a continuance； as
begun so late （for we were both full…grown men； and he some years the
older）； there was no time to lose； nor were we tied to conform to the
example of those slow and regular friendships； that require so many
precautions of long preliminary conversation： This has no other idea than
that of itself； and can only refer to itself： this is no one special
consideration； nor two； nor three； nor four； nor a thousand； 'tis I know
not what quintessence of all this mixture； which； seizing my whole will；
carried it to plunge and lose itself in his； and that having seized his
whole will； brought it back with equal concurrence and appetite to plunge
and lose itself in mine。 I may truly say lose； reserving nothing to
ourselves that was either his or mine。 ＇All this relates to Estienne de
la Boetie。＇
When Laelius； ＇Cicero； De Amicit。； c。 II。＇ in the presence of the
Roman consuls； who after thay had sentenced Tiberius Gracchus； prosecuted
all those who had had any familiarity with him also； came to ask Caius
Blosius； who was his chiefest friend； how much he would have done for
him； and that he made answer： 〃All things。〃 〃How！ All things！〃 said
Laelius。 〃And what if he had commanded you to fire our temples？〃 〃He
would never have commanded me that；〃 replied Blosius。 〃But what if he
had？〃 said Laelius。 〃I would have obeyed him；〃 said the other。 If he
was so perfect a friend to Gracchus as the histories report him to have
been； there was yet no necessity of offending the consuls by such a bold
confession； though he might still have retained the assurance he had of
Gracchus' disposition。 However； those who accuse this answer as
seditious； do not well understand the mystery； nor presuppose； as it was
true； that he had Gracchus' will in his sleeve； both by the power of a
friend； and the perfect knowledge he had of the man： they were more
friends than citizens； more friends to one another than either enemies or
friends to their country； or than friends to ambition and innovation；