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the essays of montaigne, v6-第3章

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friends than citizens; more friends to one another than either enemies or
friends to their country; or than friends to ambition and innovation;
having absolutely given up themselves to one another; either held
absolutely the reins of the other's inclination; and suppose all this
guided by virtue; and all this by the conduct of reason; which also
without these it had not been possible to do; Blosius' answer was such as
it ought to be。  If any of their actions flew out of the handle; they
were neither (according to my measure of friendship) friends to one
another; nor to themselves。  As to the rest; this answer carries no worse
sound; than mine would do to one that should ask me: 〃If your will should
command you to kill your daughter; would you do it?〃 and that I should
make answer; that I would; for this expresses no consent to such an act;
forasmuch as I do not in the least suspect my own will; and as little
that of such a friend。  'Tis not in the power of all the eloquence in the
world; to dispossess me of the certainty I have of the intentions and
resolutions of my friend; nay; no one action of his; what face soever it
might bear; could be presented to me; of which I could not presently;
and at first sight; find out the moving cause。  Our souls had drawn so
unanimously together; they had considered each other with so ardent an
affection; and with the like affection laid open the very bottom of our
hearts to one another's view; that I not only knew his as well as my own;
but should certainly in any concern of mine have trusted my interest much
more willingly with him; than with myself。

Let no one; therefore; rank other common friendships with such a one as
this。  I have had as much experience of these as another; and of the most
perfect of their kind: but I do not advise that any should confound the
rules of the one and the other; for they would find themselves much
deceived。  In those other ordinary friendships; you are to walk with
bridle in your hand; with prudence and circumspection; for in them the
knot is not so sure that a man may not half suspect it will slip。  〃Love
him;〃 said Chilo;'Aulus Gellius; i。 3。' 〃so as if you were one day to
hate him; and hate him so as you were one day to love him。〃  This
precept; though abominable in the sovereign and perfect friendship I
speak of; is nevertheless very sound as to the practice of the ordinary
and customary ones; and to which the saying that Aristotle had so
frequent in his mouth; 〃O my friends; there is no friend;〃 may very fitly
be applied。  In this noble commerce; good offices; presents; and
benefits; by which other friendships are supported and maintained; do not
deserve so much as to be mentioned; and the reason is the concurrence of
our wills; for; as the kindness I have for myself receives no increase;
for anything I relieve myself withal in time of need (whatever the Stoics
say); and as I do not find myself obliged to myself for any service I do
myself: so the union of such friends; being truly perfect; deprives them
of all idea of such duties; and makes them loathe and banish from their
conversation these words of division and distinction; benefits;
obligation; acknowledgment; entreaty; thanks; and the like。  All things;
wills; thoughts; opinions; goods; wives; children; honours; and lives;
being in effect common betwixt them; and that absolute concurrence of
affections being no other than one soul in two bodies (according to that
very proper definition of Aristotle); they can neither lend nor give
anything to one another。  This is the reason why the lawgivers; to honour
marriage with some resemblance of this divine alliance; interdict all
gifts betwixt man and wife; inferring by that; that all should belong to
each of them; and that they have nothing to divide or to give to each
other。

If; in the friendship of which I speak; one could give to the other; the
receiver of the benefit would be the man that obliged his friend; for
each of them contending and above all things studying how to be useful to
the other; he that administers the occasion is the liberal man; in giving
his friend the satisfaction of doing that towards him which above all
things he most desires。  When the philosopher Diogenes wanted money; he
used to say; that he redemanded it of his friends; not that he demanded
it。  And to let you see the practical working of this; I will here
produce an ancient and singular example。  Eudamidas; a Corinthian; had
two friends; Charixenus a Sicyonian and Areteus a Corinthian; this man
coming to die; being poor; and his two friends rich; he made his will
after this manner。  〃I bequeath to Areteus the maintenance of my mother;
to support and provide for her in her old age; and to Charixenus I
bequeath the care of marrying my daughter; and to give her as good a
portion as he is able; and in case one of these chance to die; I hereby
substitute the survivor in his place。〃  They who first saw this will made
themselves very merry at the contents: but the legatees; being made
acquainted with it; accepted it with very great content; and one of them;
Charixenus; dying within five days after; and by that means the charge of
both duties devolving solely on him; Areteus nurtured the old woman with
very great care and tenderness; and of five talents he had in estate; he
gave two and a half in marriage with an only daughter he had of his own;
and two and a half in marriage with the daughter of Eudamidas; and on one
and the same day solemnised both their nuptials。

This example is very full; if one thing were not to be objected; namely
the multitude of friends for the perfect friendship I speak of is
indivisible; each one gives himself so entirely to his friend; that he
has nothing left to distribute to others: on the contrary; is sorry that
he is not double; treble; or quadruple; and that he has not many souls
and many wills; to confer them all upon this one object。  Common
friendships will admit of division; one may love the beauty of this
person; the good…humour of that; the liberality of a third; the paternal
affection of a fourth; the fraternal love of a fifth; and so of the rest:
but this friendship that possesses the whole soul; and there rules and
sways with an absolute sovereignty; cannot possibly admit of a rival。
If two at the same time should call to you for succour; to which of them
would you run?  Should they require of you contrary offices; how could
you serve them both?  Should one commit a thing to your silence that it
were of importance to the other to know; how would you disengage
yourself?  A unique and particular friendship dissolves all other
obligations whatsoever: the secret I have sworn not to reveal to any
other; I may without perjury communicate to him who is not another; but
myself。  'Tis miracle enough certainly; for a man to double himself; and
those that talk of tripling; talk they know not of what。  Nothing is
extreme; that has its like; and he who shall suppose; that of two; I love
one as much as the other; that they mutually love one another too; and
love me as much as I love them; multiplies into a confraternity the most
single of units; and whereof; moreover; one alone is the hardest thing in
the world to find。  The rest of this story suits very well with what I
was saying; for Eudamidas; as a bounty and favour; bequeaths to his
friends a legacy of employing themselves in his necessity; he leaves them
heirs to this liberality of his; which consists in giving them the
opportunity of conferring a benefit upon him; and doubtless; the force of
friendship is more eminently apparent in this act of his; than in that of
Areteus。  In short; these are effects not to be imagined nor comprehended
by such as have not experience of them; and which make me infinitely
honour and admire the answer of that young soldier to Cyrus; by whom
being asked how much he would take for a horse; with which he had won the
prize of a race; and whether he would exchange him for a kingdom?
〃No; truly; sir;〃 said he; 〃but I would give him with all my heart; to
get thereby a true friend; could I find out any man worthy of that
alliance。〃 'Xenophon; Cyropadia; viii。  3。' He did not say ill in
saying; 〃could I find〃: for though one may almost everywhere meet with
men sufficiently qualified for a superficial acquaintance; yet in this;
where a man is to deal from the very bottom of his heart; without any
manner of reservation; it will be requisite that all the wards and
springs be truly wrought and perfectly sure。

In confederations that hold but by one end; we are only to provide
against the imperfections that particularly concern that end。  It can be
of no importance to me of what religion my physician or my lawyer is;
this consideration has nothing in common with the offices of friendship
which they owe me; and I am of the same indifference in the domestic
acquaintance my servants must necessarily contract with me。  I never
inquire; when I am to take a footman; if he be chaste; but if he be
diligent; and am not solicitous if my muleteer be given to gaming; as if
he be strong and able; or if my cook be a swearer; if he be a good cook。
I do not take upon me
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