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Jupiter； is but the boy that holds the kite…string； my
aspirations and designs swim like the kite sky…high； and overlook
an empire。
BERTRAND。 If I could get a full meal and a pound in my pocket I
would hold my tongue。
MACAIRE。 Dreams； dreams！ We are what we are； and what are we？
Who are you？ who cares？ Who am I？ myself。 What do we come from？
an accident。 What's a mother？ an old woman。 A father？ the
gentleman who beats her。 What is crime？ discovery。 Virtue？
opportunity。 Politics？ a pretext。 Affection？ an affectation。
Morality？ an affair of latitude。 Punishment？ this side the
frontier。 Reward？ the other。 Property？ plunder。 Business？
other people's money … not mine； by God！ and the end of life to
live till we are hanged。
BERTRAND。 Macaire； I came into this place with my tail between
my legs already； and hungry besides； and then you get to
flourishing； and it depresses me worse than the chaplain in the
jail。
MACAIRE。 What is a chaplain？ A man they pay to say what you
don't want to hear。
BERTRAND。 And who are you after all？ and what right have you to
talk like that？ By what I can hear； you've been the best part of
your life in quod； and as for me； since I've followed you； what
sort of luck have I had？ Sold again！ A boose； a blue fright；
two years' hard； and the police hot…foot after us even now。
MACAIRE。 What is life？ A boose and the police。
BERTRAND。 Of course； I know you're clever； I admire you down to
the ground； and I'll starve without you。 But I can't stand it；
and I'm off。 Good…bye： good luck to you； old man！ and if you
want the bundle …
MACAIRE。 I am a gentleman of a mild disposition and； I thank my
maker； elegant manners； but rather than be betrayed by such a
thing as you are； with the courage of a hare； and the manners； by
the Lord Harry； of a jumping…Jack … （HE SHOWS HIS KNIFE。）
BERTRAND。 Put it up； put it up： I'll do what you want。
MACAIRE。 What is obedience？ fear。 So march straight； or look
for mischief。 It's not BON TON； I know； and far from friendly。
But what is friendship？ convenience。 But we lose time in this
amiable dalliance。 Come； now an effort of deportment： the head
thrown back； a jaunty carriage of the leg； crook gracefully the
elbow。 Thus。 'Tis better。 （CALLING。） House； house here！
BERTRAND。 Are you mad？ We haven't a brass farthing。
MACAIRE。 Now！ … But before we leave！
SCENE IV
TO THESE； DUMONT
DUMONT。 Gentlemen； what can a plain man do for your service？
MACAIRE。 My good man； in a roadside inn one cannot look for the
impossible。 Give one what small wine and what country fare you
can produce。
DUMONT。 Gentlemen； you come here upon a most auspicious day； a
red…letter day for me and my poor house； when all are welcome。
Suffer me； with all delicacy； to inquire if you are not in
somewhat narrow circumstances？
MACAIRE。 My good creature； you are strangely in error； one is
rolling in gold。
BERTRAND。 And very hungry。
DUMONT。 Dear me； and on this happy occasion I had registered a
vow that every poor traveller should have his keep for nothing；
and a pound in his pocket to help him on his journey。
MACAIRE。 A pound in his pocket？ ｝
BERTRAND。 Keep for nothing？ ｝ ASIDE。
MACAIRE。 Bitten！ ｝
BERTRAND。 Sold again！ ｝
DUMONT。 I will send you what we have： poor fare； perhaps； for
gentlemen like you。
SCENE V
MACAIRE； BERTRAND； AFTERWARDS CHARLES； WHO APPEARS ON THE
GALLERY； AND COMES DOWN。
BERTRAND。 I told you so。 Why will you fly so high？
MACAIRE。 Bertrand； don't crush me。 A pound： a fortune！ With a
pound to start upon … two pounds； for I'd have borrowed yours …
three months from now I might have been driving in my barouche；
with you behind it； Bertrand； in a tasteful livery。
BERTRAND （SEEING CHARLES）。 Lord； a policeman！
MACAIRE。 Steady！ What is a policeman？ Justice's blind eye。
（TO CHARLES。） I think； sir； you are in the force？
CHARLES。 I am； sir； and it was in that character …
MACAIRE。 Ah； sir； a fine service！
CHARLES。 It is； sir； and if your papers …
MACAIRE。 You become your uniform。 Have you a mother？ Ah； well；
well！
CHARLES。 My duty； sir …
MACAIRE。 They tell me one Macaire … is not that his name；
Bertrand？ … has broken jail at Lyons？
CHARLES。 He has； sir； and it is precisely for that reason …
MACAIRE。 Well； good…bye。 （SHAKING CHARLES BY THE HAND AND
LEADING HIM TOWARDS THE DOOR； L。 U。 E。） Sweet spot； sweet spot。
The scenery is 。 。 。 （KISSES HIS FINGER…TIPS。 EXIT CHARLES）。
And now； what is a policeman？
BERTRAND。 A bobby。
SCENE VI
MACAIRE； BERTRAND； TO WHOM ALINE WITH TRAY； AND AFTERWARDS MAIDS
ALINE （ENTERING WITH TRAY； AND PROCEEDING TO LAY TABLE； L。） My
men； you are in better luck than usual。 It isn't every day you
go shares in a wedding feast。
MACAIRE。 A wedding？ Ah； and you're the bride。
ALINE。 What makes you fancy that？
MACAIRE。 Heavens； am I blind？
ALINE。 Well； then； I wish I was。
MACAIRE。 I take you at the word： have me。
ALINE。 You will never be hanged for modesty。
MACAIRE。 Modesty is for the poor： when one is rich and nobly
born； 'tis but a clog。 I love you。 What is your name？
ALINE。 Guess again； and you'll guess wrong。 （ENTER THE OTHER
SERVANTS WITH WINE BASKETS。） Here； set the wine down。 No； that
is the old Burgundy for the wedding party。 These gentlemen must
put up with a different bin。 （SETTING WINE BEFORE MACAIRE AND
BERTRAND； WHO ARE AT TABLE； L。）
MACAIRE （DRINKING）。 Vinegar； by the supreme Jove！
BERTRAND。 Sold again！
MACAIRE。 Now； Bertrand； mark me。 （BEFORE THE SERVANTS HE
EXCHANGES THE BOTTLE FOR THE ONE IN FRONT OF DUMONT'S PLACE AT
THE HEAD OF THE OTHER TABLE。） Was it well done？
BERTRAND。 Immense。
MACAIRE （EMPTYING HIS GLASS INTO BERTRAND'S）。 There； Bertrand；
you may finish that。 Ha！ music？
SCENE VII
To these； from the inn； L。 U。 E。； DUMONT； CHARLES； the CURATE；
the NOTARY jigging： from the inn； R。 U。 E。； FIDDLERS playing and
dancing； and through door L。 C。； GORIOT； ERNESTINE； PEASANTS；
dancing likewise。 Air： 'Haste to the Wedding。' As the parties
meet； the music ceases。
DUMONT。 Welcome； neighbours！ welcome friends！ Ernestine； here
is my Charles； no longer mine。 A thousand welcomes。 O the gay
day！ O the auspicious wedding！ （CHARLES； ERNESTINE； DUMONT；
GORIOT； CURATE； AND NOTARY SIT TO THE WEDDING FEAST； PEASANTS；
FIDDLERS； AND MAIDS； GROUPED AT BACK； DRINKING FROM THE BARREL。）
O； I must have all happy around me。
GORIOT。 Then help the soup。
DUMONT。 Give me leave： I must have all happy。 Shall these poor
gentlemen upon a day like this drink ordinary wine？ Not so： I
shall drink it。 （TO MACAIRE； WHO IS JUST ABOUT TO FILL HIS
GLASS） Don't touch it； sir！ Aline； give me that gentleman's
bottle and take him mine： with old Dumont's compliments。
MACAIRE。 What？
BERTRAND。 Change the bottle？
MACAIRE。 Bitten！ ｝ ASIDE。
BERTRAND。 Sold again。 ｝
DUMONT。 Yes； all shall be happy。
GORIOT。 I tell 'ee； help the soup！
DUMONT （BEGINS TO HELP SOUP。 THEN； DROPPING LADLE。） One word：
a matter of detail： Charles is not my son。 （ALL EXCLAIM。） O
no； he is not my son。 Perhaps I should have mentioned it before。
CHARLES。 I am not your son； sir？
DUMONT。 O no； far from it。
GORIOT。 Then who the devil's son be he？
DUMONT。 O； I don't know。 It's an odd tale； a romantic tale： it
may amuse you。 It was twenty years ago； when I kept the GOLDEN
HEAD at Lyons： Charles was left upon my doorstep in a covered
basket； with sufficient money to support the child till he should
come of age。 There was no mark upon the linen； nor any clue but
one： an unsigned letter from the father of the child； which he
strictly charged me to preserve。 It was to prove his identity：
he； of course； would know the contents； and he only； so I keep it
safe in the third compartment of my cash…box； with the ten
thousand francs I've saved for his dowry。 Here is the key； it's
a patent key。 To…day the poor boy is twenty…one； to…morrow to be
married。 I did perhaps hope the father would appear： there was
a Marquis coming； he wrote me for a room； I gave him the best；
Number Thirteen； which you have all heard of： I did hope it
might be he； for a Marquis； you know； is always genteel。 But no；
you see。 As for me； I take you all to witness I'm as innocent of
him as the babe unborn。
MACAIRE。 Ahem！ I think you said the linen bore an M？
DUMONT。 Pardon me： the markings were cut off。
MACAIRE。 True。 The basket white； I think？
DUMONT。 Brown； brown。
MACAIRE。 Ah！ brown … a whitey…brown。
GORIOT。 I tell 'ee what； Dumont； this is all very well； but in
that case； I'll be danged if he gets my daater。 （GENERAL
CONSTERNATION。）
DUMONT。 O Goriot； let's have happy faces！
GORIOT。 Happy faces be danged！ I want to marry my daater； I
want your son。 But who be this？ I don't know； and you don't
know； and he don't know。 He may be anybody； by Jarge； he may be
nobody！ （EXCLAMATIONS。）
CURATE。 The situation is crepuscular。
ERNES