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MARQUIS。 No； sir； I do not。
MACAIRE。 My lord； I am a poor man。
MARQUIS。 Well； sir？ and what of that？
MACAIRE。 The affections； my lord； are priceless。 Money will not
buy them； or； at least； it takes a great deal。
MARQUIS。 Sir； your sentiments do you honour。
MACAIRE。 My lord； you are rich。
MARQUIS。 Well； sir？
MACAIRE。 Now follow me； I beseech you。 Here am I； my lord； and
there； if I may so express myself； are you。 Each has the
father's heart； and there we are equal； each claims yon
interesting lad； and there again we are on a par。 But； my lord …
and here we come to the inequality； and what I consider the
unfairness of the thing … you have thirty thousand francs； and I；
my lord； have not a rap。 You mark me？ not a rap； my lord！ My
lord； put yourself in my position： consider what must be my
feelings； my desires； and … hey？
MARQUIS。 I fail to grasp 。 。 。 。
MACAIRE （WITH IRRITATION）。 My dear man； there is the door of the
house； here am I； there （TOUCHING； MARQUIS ON THE BREAST） are
thirty thousand francs。 Well； now？
MARQUIS。 I give you my word of honour； sir； I gather nothing； my
mind is quite unused to such prolonged exertion。 If the boy be
yours； he is not mine； if he be mine； he is not yours； and if he
is neither of ours； or both of ours 。 。 。 in short； my mind 。 。
。 。
MACAIRE。 My lord； will you lay those thirty thousand francs upon
the table？
MARQUIS。 I fail to grasp 。 。 。 but if it will in any way
oblige you 。 。 。 。 （DOES SO。）
MACAIRE。 Now； my lord； follow me： I take them up； you see？ I
put them in my pocket； you follow me？ This is my hat； here is my
stick； and here is my … my friend's bundle。
MARQUIS。 But that is my cloak。
MACAIRE。 Precisely。 Now； my lord； one more effort of your
lordship's mind。 If I were to go out of that door； with the full
intention … follow me close … the full intention of never being
heard of more； what would you do？
MARQUIS。 I！ … send for the police。
MACAIRE。 Take your money！ （DASHING DOWN THE NOTES。） Man； if I
met you in a lane！ （HE DROPS HIS HEAD UPON THE TABLE。）
MARQUIS。 The poor soul is insane。 The other man； whom I suppose
to be his keeper； is very much to blame。
MACAIRE （RAISING HIS HEAD）。 I have a light！ （TO MARQUIS。） With
invincible oafishness； my lord； I cannot struggle。 I pass you
by； I leave you gaping by the wayside； I blush to have a share
in the progeny of such an owl。 Off； off； and send the tapster！
MARQUIS。 Poor fellow！
SCENE V
MACAIRE； TO WHOM BERTRAND。 AFTERWARDS DUMONT
BERTRAND。 Well？
MACAIRE。 Bitten。
BERTRAND。 Sold again。
MACAIRE。 Had he the wit of a lucifer match！ But what can gods
or men against stupidity？ Still； I have a trick。 Where is that
damned old man？
DUMONT （ENTERING）。 I hear you want me。
MACAIRE。 Ah； my good old Dumont； this is very sad。
DUMONT。 Dear me； what is wrong？
MACAIRE。 Dumont； you had a dowry for my son？
DUMONT。 I had； I have： ten thousand francs。
MACAIRE。 It's a poor thing； but it must do。 Dumont； I bury my
old hopes； my old paternal tenderness。
DUMONT。 What？ is he not your son？
MACAIRE。 Pardon me； my friend。 The Marquis claims my boy。 I
will not seek to deny that he attempted to corrupt me； or that I
spurned his gold。 It was thirty thousand。
DUMONT。 Noble soul！
MACAIRE。 One has a heart 。 。 。 He spoke； Dumont； that proud
noble spoke； of the advantages to our beloved Charles； and in my
father's heart a voice arose； louder than thunder。 Dumont； was I
unselfish？ The voice said no； the voice； Dumont； up and told me
to begone。
DUMONT。 To begone？ to go？
MACAIRE。 To begone； Dumont； and to go。 Both； Dumont。 To leave
my son to marry； and be rich and happy as the son of another； to
creep forth myself； old； penniless； broken…hearted； exposed to
the inclemencies of heaven and the rebuffs of the police。
DUMONT。 This is what I had looked for at your hands。 Noble；
nobleman！
MACAIRE。 One has a heart 。 。 。 and yet； Dumont； it can hardly
have escaped your penetration that if I were to shift from this
hostelry without a farthing； and leave my offspring to wallow …
literally … among millions； I should play the part of little
better than an ass。
DUMONT。 But I had thought 。 。 。 I had fancied 。 。 。 。
MACAIRE。 No； Dumont； you had not； do not seek to impose upon my
simplicity。 What you did think was this； Dumont： for the sake
of this noble father； for the sake of this son whom he denies for
his own interest … I mean； for his interest … no； I mean； for
his own … well； anyway； in order to keep up the general
atmosphere of sacrifice and nobility； I must hand over this dowry
to the Baron Henri…Frederic de Latour de Main de la Tonnerre de
Brest。
DUMONT。 Noble； O noble！ ｝ TOGETHER： EACH SHAKING
BERTRAND。 Beautiful； O beautiful！ ｝ HIM BY THE HAND。
DUMONT。 Now Charles is rich he needs it not。 For whom could it
more fittingly be set aside than for his noble father？ I will
give it you at once。
BERTRAND。 At once； at once！
MACAIRE （ASIDE TO BERTRAND）。 Hang on。 （ALOUD。） Charles；
Charles； my lost boy！ （HE FALLS WEEPING AT L。 TABLE。 DUMONT
ENTERS THE OFFICE； AND BRINGS DOWN CASH…BOX TO TABLE R。 HE FEELS
IN ALL HIS POCKETS： BERTRAND FROM BEHIND HIM MAKING SIGNS TO
MACAIRE； WHICH THE LATTER DOES NOT SEE。）
DUMONT。 That's strange。 I can't find the key。 It's a patent
key。
BERTRAND （BEHIND DUMONT； MAKING SIGNS TO MACAIRE）。 The key； he
can't find the key。
MACAIRE。 O yes； I remember。 I heard it drop。 （DROPS KEY。） And
here it is before my eyes。
DUMONT。 That？ That's yours。 I saw it drop。
MACAIRE。 I give you my word of honour I heard it fall five
minutes back。
DUMONT。 But I saw it。
MACAIRE。 Impossible。 It must be yours。
DUMONT。 It is like mine； indeed。 How came it in your pocket？
MACAIRE。 Bitten。 （ASIDE。）
BERTRAND。 Sold again （ASIDE） 。 。 。 。 You forget； Baron； it's the
key of my valise； I gave it you to keep in consequence of the
hole in my pocket。
MACAIRE。 True； true； and that explains。
DUMONT。 O； that explains。 Now； all we have to do is to find
mine。 It's a patent key。 You heard it drop。
MACAIRE。 Distinctly。
BERTRAND。 So I did： distinctly。
DUMONT。 Here； Aline； Babette； Goriot； Curate； Charles；
everybody； come here and look for my key！
SCENE VI
To these with candles； all the former characters； except
FIDDLERS； PEASANTS； and NOTARY。 They hunt for the key。
DUMONT。 It's bound to be here。 We all heard it drop。
MARQUIS （WITH BERTRAND's BUNDLE）。 Is this it？
ALL （WITH FURY）。 No。
BERTRAND。 Hands off； that's my luggage。 （HUNT RESUMED。）
DUMONT。 I heard it drop； as plain as ever I heard anything。
MARQUIS。 By the way （ALL START UP）； what are we looking for？
ALL （WITH FURY）。 O！！
DUMONT。 Will you have the kindness to find my key？ （HUNT
RESUMED。）
CURATE。 What description of a key …
DUMONT。 A patent； patent； patent； patent key！
MACAIRE。 I have it。 Here it is！
ALL （WITH RELIEF）。 Ah！！
DUMONT。 That？ What do you mean？ That's yours。
MACAIRE。 Pardon me。
DUMONT。 It is。
MACAIRE。 It isn't。
DUMONT。 I tell you it is： look at that twisted handle。
MACAIRE。 It can't be mine； and so it must be yours。
DUMONT。 It is not。 Feel in your pockets。 （TO THE OTHERS。）
Will you have the kindness to find my patent key？
ALL。 Oh！！ （HUNT RESUMED。）
MACAIRE。 Ah； well； you're right。 （HE SLIPS KEY INTO DUMONT'S
POCKET。） An idea： suppose you felt in your pocket？
ALL （RISING）。 Yes！ Suppose you did！
DUMONT。 I will not feel in my pockets。 How could it be there？
It's a patent key。 This is more than any man can bear。 First；
Charles is one man's son； and then he's another's； and then he's
nobody's； and be damned to him！ And then there's my key lost；
and then there's your key！ What is your key？ Where is your key？
Where isn't it？ And why is it like mine； only mine's a patent？
The long and short of it is this： that I'm going to bed； and
that you're all going to bed； and that I refuse to hear another
word upon the subject or upon any subject。 There！
MACAIRE。 Bitten。 ｝
BERTRAND。 Sold again。 ｝ Aside
（ALINE AND MAIDS EXTINGUISH HANGING LAMPS OVER TABLES； R。 AND L。
STAGE LIGHTED ONLY BY GUESTS' CANDLES。）
CHARLES。 But； sir； I cannot decently retire to rest till I
embrace my honoured parent。 Which is it to be？
MACAIRE。 Charles； to my …
DUMONT。 Embrace neither of them； embrace nobody； there has been
too much of this sickening folly。 To bed！！！ （EXIT VIOLENTLY R。
U。 E。 ALL THE CHARACTERS TROOP SLOWLY UPSTAIRS； TALKING IN DUMB
SHOW。 BERTRAND AND MACAIRE REMAIN IN FRONT C。； WATCHING THEM
GO。）
BERTRAND。 Sold again； captain？
MACAIRE。 Ay； they will have it。
BERTRAND。 It？ What？
MACAIRE。 The worst； Bertrand。 What is man？ a beast of prey。 An
hour ago； and I'd have taken a crust； and gone in peace。 But no：
they would trick and juggle； curse them； they would wriggle and
cheat！ Well； I accept the challenge： war to the knife。
BERTRAND。 Murder？
MACAIRE。 What is murder？ A legal t