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BERTRAND。 Murder？
MACAIRE。 What is murder？ A legal term for a man dying。 Call it
Fate； and that's philosophy； call me Providence； and you talk
religion。 Die？ My； that is what man is made for； we are full of
mortal parts； we are all as good as dead already； we hang so
close upon the brink： touch a button； and the strongest falls in
dissolution。 Now； see how easy： I take you … （GRAPPLING HIM。）
BERTRAND。 Macaire … O no！
MACAIRE。 Fool！ would I harm a fly； when I had nothing to gain？
As the butcher with the sheep； I kill to live； and where is the
difference between man and mutton？ pride and a tailor's bill。
Murder？ I know who made that name … a man crouching from the
knife！ Selfishness made it … the aggregated egotism called
society； but I meet that with a selfishness as great。 Has he
money？ Have I none … great powers； none？ Well； then； I fatten
and manure my life with his。
BERTRAND。 You frighten me。 Who is it？
MACAIRE。 Mark well。 （THE MARQUIS OPENS THE DOOR OF NUMBER
THIRTEEN； AND THE REST； CLUSTERING ROUND； BID HIM GOOD…NIGHT。 AS
THEY BEGIN TO DISPERSE ALONG THE GALLERY HE ENTERS AND SHUTS THE
DOOR。） Out； out； brief candle！ That man is doomed。
DROP
ACT III。
SCENE I
MACAIRE； BERTRAND
As the curtain rises； the stage is dark and empty。 Enter
MACAIRE； L。 U。 E。； with lantern。 He looks about。
MACAIRE （CALLING OFF）。 S'st！
BERTRAND （ENTERING L。 U。 E。）。 It's creeping dark。
MACAIRE。 Blinding dark； and a good job。
BERTRAND。 Macaire； I'm cold； my very hair's cold。
MACAIRE。 Work； work will warm you： to your keys。
BERTRAND。 No； Macaire； it's a horror。 You not kill him； let's
have no bloodshed。
MACAIRE。 None： it spoils your clothes。 Now； see： you have
keys and you have experience； up that stair； and pick me the lock
of that man's door。 Pick me the lock of that man's door。
BERTRAND。 May I take the light？
MACAIRE。 You may not。 Go。 （BERTRAND MOUNTS THE STAIRS； AND IS
SEEN PICKING THE LOCK OF NUMBER THIRTEEN。） The earth spins
eastward； and the day is at the door。 Yet half an hour of
covert； and the sun will be afoot； the discoverer； the great
policeman。 Yet； half an hour of night； the good； hiding；
practicable night； and lo！ at a touch the gas…jet of the
universe turned on； and up with the sun gets the providence of
honest people； puts off his night…cap； throws up his window；
stares out of house … and the rogue must skulk again till dusk。
Yet half an hour and； Macaire； you shall be safe and rich。 If
yon fool … my fool … would but miscarry； if the dolt within
would hear and leap upon him； I could intervene； kill both； by
heaven … both！ … cry murder with the best； and at one stroke
reap honour and gold。 For； Bertrand dead …
BERTRAND （FROM ABOVE）。 S'st； Macaire！
MACAIRE。 Is it done； dear boy？ Come down。 （BERTRAND DESCENDS。）
Sit down beside this light： this is your ring of safety； budge
not beyond … the night is crowded with hobgoblins。 See ghosts
and tremble like a jelly if you must； but remember men are my
concern； and at the creak of a man's foot； hist！ （SHARPENING
HIS KNIFE UPON HIS SLEEVE。） What is a knife？ A plain man's
sword。
BERTRAND。 Not the knife； Macaire； O； not the knife！
MACAIRE。 My name is Self…Defence。 （HE GOES UPSTAIRS AND ENTERS
NUMBER THIRTEEN。）
BERTRAND。 He's in。 I hear a board creak。 What a night； what a
night！ Will he hear him？ O Lord； my poor Macaire！ I hear
nothing； nothing。 The night's as empty as a dream： he must hear
him； he cannot help but hear him； and then … O Macaire； Macaire；
come back to me。 It's death； and it's death； and it's death。
Red； red： a corpse。 Macaire to kill； Macaire to die？ I'd
rather starve； I'd rather perish； than either： I'm not fit； I'm
not fit； for either！ Why； how's this？ I want to cry。 （A
STROKE； AND GROAN FROM ABOVE。） God Almighty； one of them's
gone！ （HE FALLS WITH HIS HEAD ON TABLE； R。 MACAIRE APPEARS AT
THE TOP OF THE STAIRS； DESCENDS； COMES AIRILY FORWARD AND TOUCHES
HIM ON THE SHOULDER。 BERTRAND； WITH A CRY； TURNS AND FALLS UPON
HIS NECK。） O； O； and I thought I had lost him。 （DAY BREAKING。）
MACAIRE。 The contrary； dear boy。 （HE PRODUCES NOTES。）
BERTRAND。 What was it like？
MACAIRE。 Like？ Nothing。 A little blood； a dead man。
BERTRAND。 Blood！ 。 。 。 Dead！ HE FALLS AT TABLE SOBBING。
MACAIRE DIVIDES THE NOTES INTO TWO PARTS； ON THE SMALLER HE WIPES
THE BLOODY KNIFE； AND FOLDING THE STAINS INWARD； THRUSTS THE
NOTES INTO BERTRAND'S FACE。）
MACAIRE。 What is life without the pleasures of the table！
BERTRAND （TAKING AND POCKETING NOTES）。 Macaire； I can't get over
it。
MACAIRE。 My mark is the frontier； and at top speed。 Don't hang
your jaw at me。 Up； up； at the double； pick me that cash…box；
and let's get the damned house fairly cleared。
BERTRAND。 I can't。 Did he bleed much？
MACAIRE。 Bleed？ Must I bleed you？ To work； or I'm dangerous。
BERTRAND。 It's all right； Macaire； I'm going。
MACAIRE。 Better so： an old friend is nearly sacred。 （FULL
DAYLIGHT： LIGHTS UP。 MACAIRE BLOWS OUT LANTERN。）
BERTRAND。 Where's the key？
MACAIRE。 Key？ I tell you to pick it。
BERTRAND （WITH THE BOX）。 But it's a patent lock。 Where is the
key？ You had it。
MACAIRE。 Will you pick that lock？
BERTRAND。 I can't： it's a patent。 Where's the key？
MACAIRE。 If you will have it； I put it back in that old ass's
pocket。
BERTRAND。 Bitten； I think。 （MACAIRE DANCING MAD。）
SCENE II
To these； DUMONT
DUMONT。 Ah； friends； up so early？ Catching the worm； catching
the worm？
MACAIRE。 Good…morning； good…morning！ ｝ SITTING ON THE TABLE
BERTRAND。 Early birds； early birds。 ｝ DISSEMBLING BOX。
DUMONT。 By the way； very remarkable thing： I found the key。
MACAIRE。 No！
BERTRAND。 O！
DUMONT。 Perhaps a still more remarkable thing： it was my key
that had the twisted handle。
MACAIRE。 I told you so。
DUMONT。 Now； what we have to do is to get the cash…box。 Hallo！
what's that your sitting on？
BERTRAND。 Nothing。
MACAIRE。 The table！ I beg your pardon。
DUMONT。 Why； it's my cash…box！
MACAIRE。 Why； so it is！
DUMONT。 It's very singular。
MACAIRE。 Diabolishly singular。
BERTRAND。 Early worms； early worms！
DUMONT （BLOWING IN KEY）。 Well； I suppose you are still willing
to begone？
MACAIRE。 More than willing； my dear soul： pressed； I may say；
for time； for though it had quite escaped my memory； I have an
appointment in Turin with a lady of title。
DUMONT （AT BOX）。 It's very odd。 （BLOWS ITS KEY。） It's a
singular thing （BLOWING）； key won't turn。 It's a patent。 Some
one must have tampered with the lock （BLOWING）。 It's strangely
singular； it's singularly singular！ I've shown this key to
commercial gentlemen all the way from Paris： they never saw a
better key！ （MORE BUSINESS）。 Well （GIVING IT UP AND LOOKING
REPROACHFULLY ON KEY）； that's pretty singular。
MACAIRE。 Let me try。 （HE TRIES； AND FLINGS DOWN THE KEY WITH A
CURSE。） Bitten。
BERTRAND。 Sold again。
DUMONT （PICKING UP KEY）。 It's a patent key。
MACAIRE （TO BERTRAND）。 The game's up： we must save the swag。
（TO DUMONT。） Sir； since your key； on which I invoke the blight
of Egypt； has once more defaulted； my feelings are unequal to a
repetition of yesterday's distress； and I shall simply pad the
hoof。 From Turin you shall receive the address of my banker； and
may prosperity attend your ventures。 （TO BERTRAND。） Now； boy！
（TO DUMONT。） Embrace my fatherless child！ farewell！ （MACAIRE
AND BERTRAND TURN TO GO OFF AND ARE MET IN THE DOOR BY THE
GENDARMES。）
SCENE III
To these； the BRIGADIER and GENDARMES
BRIGADIER。 Let no man leave the house。
MACAIRE。 Bitten。 ｝ ASIDE。
BERTRAND。 Sold again。 ｝
DUMONT。 Welcome； old friend！
BRIGADIER。 It is not the friend that comes； it is the Brigadier。
Summon your guests： I must investigate their passports。 I am in
pursuit of a notorious malefactor； Robert Macaire。
DUMONT。 But I was led to believe that both Macaire and his
accomplice had been arrested and condemned。
BRIGADIER。 They were； but they have once more escaped for the
moment； and justice is indefatigable。 （HE SITS AT TABLE R。）
Dumont； a bottle of white wine。
MACAIRE （TO DUMONT）。 My excellent friend； I will discharge your
commission； and return with all speed。 （GOING。）
BRIGADIER。 Halt！
MACAIRE （RETURNING： AS IF HE SAW BRIGADIER FOR THE FIRST TIME）。
Ha？ a member of the force？ Charmed； I'm sure。 But you
misconceive me： I return at once； and my friend remains behind
to answer for me。
BRIGADIER。 Justice is insensible to friendship。 I shall deal
with you in due time。 Dumont； that bottle。
MACAIRE。 Sir； my friend and I； who are students of character；
would grasp the opportunity to share and … may one add？ … to pay
the bottle。 Dumont； three！
BERTRAND。 For God's sake！ （ENTER ALINE AND MAIDS。）
MACAIRE。 My friend is an author： so； in a humbler way； am I。
Your knowledge of the criminal classes naturally tempts one to
pursue so interesting an acquaintance。
BRIGADIER。 Justice is impartial。 Gentlemen