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Lard！
RIVERS。 Stupendiously pleased to make your acquaintance； Mr。
Deakin； split me！
＇BRODIE。 We don't often see England's heroes our way； Captain；
but when we do； we make them infernally welcome。
RIVERS。 Prettily put； sink me！ A demned genteel sentiment； stap
my vitals！＇
BRODIE。 Oh Captain！ you flatter me。 ＇We Scotsmen have our
qualities； I suppose； but we are but rough and ready at the best。
There's nothing like your Englishman for genuine distinction。 He
is nearer France than we are； and smells of his neighbourhood。
That d…d thing； the JE NE SAIS QUOI； too！ Lard； Lard； split me！
stap my vitals！ O such manners are pure； pure； pure。 They are；
by the shade of Claude Duval！＇
RIVERS。 Mr。 Deakin； Mr。 Deakin ＇this is passatively too much＇。
What will you sip？ Give it the Hanar of a neam。
BRODIE。 By these most Hanarable hands now； Captain； you shall
not。 On such an occasion I could play host with Lucifer
himself。 Here； Clarke； Mother Midnight！ Down with you； Captain！
（FORCING HIM BOISTEROUSLY INTO A CHAIR。） I don't know if you can
lie； but； sink me！ you shall sit。 （DRINKING； ETC。； IN
DUMB…SHOW。）
MOORE （ASIDE TO SMITH）。 We've nobbled him； Geordie！
SMITH （ASIDE TO MOORE）。 As neat as ninepence！ He's taking it
down like mother's milk。 But there'll be wigs on the green
to…morrow； Badger！ It'll be tuppence and toddle with George
Smith。
MOORE。 O muck！ Who's afraid of him？ （TO AINSLIE。） Hang on；
Slinkie。
HUNT （WHO IS FEIGNING DRUNKENNESS； AND HAS OVERHEARD； ASIDE）。 By
jingo！
＇RIVERS。 Will you sneeze； Mr。 Deakin； sir？
BRODIE。 Thanks； I have all the vices； Captain。 You must send me
some of your rappee。 It is passatively perfect。＇
RIVERS。 Mr。 Deakin； I do myself the Hanar of a sip to you。
BRODIE。 Topsy…turvy with the can！
MOORE （ASIDE TO SMITH）。 That made him wink。
BRODIE。 Your high and mighty hand； my Captain！ Shall we dice …
dice … dice？ （DUMB…SHOW BETWEEN THEM。）
AINSLIE （ASIDE TO MOORE）。 I'm sayin' …？
MOORE。 What's up now？
AINSLIE。 I'm no to gie him the coggit dice？
MOORE。 The square ones； rot you！ Ain't he got to lose every
brass farden？
AINSLIE。 What'll like be my share？
MOORE。 You mucking well leave that to me。
RIVERS。 Well； Mr。 Deakin； if you passatively will have me shake
a Helbow …
BRODIE。 Where are the bones； Ainslie？ Where are the dice； Lord
George？ （AINSLIE GIVES THE DICE AND DICE…BOX TO BRODIE； AND
PRIVATELY A SECOND PAIR OF DICE。） Old Fortune's counters the
bonnie money…catching； money…breeding bones！ Hark to their dry
music！ Scotland against England！ Sit round； you tame devils；
and put your coins on me！
SMITH。 Easy does it； my lord of high degree！ Keep cool。
BRODIE。 Cool's the word； Captain … a cool twenty on the first？
RIVERS。 Done and done。 （THEY PLAY。）
HUNT （ASIDE TO MOORE； A LITTLE DRUNK）。 Ain't that 'ere Scotch
gentleman； your friend； too drunk to play； sir？
MOORE。 You hold your jaw； that's what's the matter with you。
AINSLIE。 He's waur nor he looks。 He's knockit the box aff the
table。
SMITH （PICKING UP BOX）。 That's the way we does it。 Ten to one
and no takers！
BRODIE。 Deuces again！ More liquor； Mother Clarke！
SMITH。 Hooray our side！ （POUTING OUT。） George and his pal for
ever！
BRODIE。 Deuces again； by heaven！ Another？
RIVERS。 Done！
BRODIE。 Ten more； money's made to go。 On with you！
RIVERS。 Sixes。
BRODIE。 Deuce…ace。 Death and judgment？ Double or quits？
RIVERS。 Drive on！ Sixes。
SMITH。 Fire away； brave boys！ （TO MOORE） It's Tally…ho…the…
Grinder； Hump！
BRODIE。 Treys！ Death and the pit！ How much have you got there？
RIVERS。 A cool forty…five。
BRODIE。 I play you thrice the lot。
RIVERS。 Who's afraid？
SMITH。 Stand by； Badger！
RIVERS。 Cinq…ace。
BRODIE。 My turn now。 （HE JUGGLES IN AND USES THE SECOND PAIR OF
DICE。） Aces！ Aces again！ What's this？ （PICKING UP DICE。）
Sold！ 。 。 。 You play false； you hound！
RIVERS。 You lie！
BRODIE。 In your teeth。 （OVERTURNS TABLE； AND GOES FOR HIM。）
MOORE。 Here； none o' that。 （THEY HOLD HIM BACK。 STRUGGLE。）
SMITH。 Hold on； Deacon！
BRODIE。 Let me go。 Hands off； I say！ I'll not touch him。
（STANDS WEIGHING DICE IN HIS HAND。） But as for that thieving
whinger； Ainslie； I'll cut his throat between this dark and
to…morrow's。 To the bone。 （ADDRESSING THE COMPANY。） Rogues；
rogues； rogues！ （SINGING WITHOUT。） Ha！ what's that？
AINSLIE。 It's the psalm…singing up by at the Holy Weaver's。 And
O Deacon； if ye're a Christian man …
THE PSALM WITHOUT：… 'Lord； who shall stand； if Thou； O Lord；
Should'st mark iniquity？ But yet with Thee forgiveness is； That
feared Thou may'st be。'
BRODIE。 I think I'll go。 'My son the Deacon was aye regular at
kirk。' If the old man could see his son； the Deacon！ I think
I'll … Ay； who SHALL stand？ There's the rub！ And forgiveness；
too？ There's a long word for you！ I learnt it all lang syne；
and now 。 。 。 hell and ruin are on either hand of me； and the
devil has me by the leg。 'My son； the Deacon 。 。 。 ！' Eh； God！
but there's no fool like an old fool！ （BECOMING CONSCIOUS OF THE
OTHERS。） Rogues！
SMITH。 Take my arm； Deacon。
BRODIE。 Down； dog； down！ ＇Stay and be drunk with your equals。＇
Gentlemen and ladies； I have already cursed you pretty heavily。
Let me do myself the pleasure of wishing you … a very … good
evening。 （AS HE GOES OUT； HUNT； WHO HAS BEEN STAGGERING ABOUT IN
THE CROWD； FALLS ON A SETTLE； AS ABOUT TO SLEEP。）
ACT…DROP。
ACT II。
TABLEAU。 EVIL AND GOOD
The Stage represents the Deacon's workshop； benches； shavings；
tools； boards； and so forth。 Doors； C。 on the street； and L。
into the house。 Without； church bells； not a chime； but a slow
brokentocsin。
SCENE I
BRODIE （SOLUS）。 My head！ my head！ It's the sickness of the
grave。 And those bells go on 。 。 。 go on！ 。 。 。 inexorable as
death and judgment。 ＇There they go； the trumpets of
respectability； sounding encouragement to the world to do and
spare not； and not to be found out。 Found out！ And to those who
are they toll as when a man goes to the gallows。＇ Turn where I
will are pitfalls hell…deep。 Mary and her dowry； Jean and her
child … my child； the dirty scoundrel Moore； my uncle and his
trust； perhaps the man from Bow Street。 Debt； vice； cruelty；
dishonour； crime； the whole canting； lying； double…dealing；
beastly business！ 'My son the Deacon … Deacon of the Wrights！'
My thoughts sicken at it。 ＇Oh the Deacon； the Deacon！ Where's a
hat for the Deacon？ where's a hat for the Deacon's headache？
（SEARCHING）。 This place is a piggery。 To be respectable and not
to find one's hat。）
SCENE II
To him； JEAN； a baby in her shawl。 C。
JEAN （WHO HAS ENTERED SILENTLY DURING THE DEACON'S LAST WORDS）。
It's me； Wullie。
BRODIE （TURNING UPON HER）。 What！ You here again？ ＇you again！＇
JEAN。 Deacon； I'm unco vexed。
BRODIE。 Do you know what you do？ Do you know what you risk？
＇Is there nothing … nothing！ … will make you spare me this
idiotic； wanton prosecution？＇
JEAN。 I was wrong to come yestreen； I ken that fine。 But the
day it's different； I but to come the day； Deacon； though I ken
fine it's the Sabbath； and I think shame to be seen upon the
streets。
BRODIE。 See here； Jean。 You must go now。 I come to you
to…night； I swear that。 But now I'm for the road。
JEAN。 No till you've heard me； William Brodie。 Do ye think I
came to pleasure mysel'； where I'm no wanted？ I've a pride o' my
ains。
BRODIE。 Jean； I am going now。 If you please to stay on alone；
in this house of mine； where I wish I could say you are welcome；
stay （GOING）。
JEAN。 It's the man frae Bow Street。
BRODIE。 Bow Street？
JEAN。 I thocht ye would hear me。 Ye think little o' me； but
it's mebbe a braw thing for you that I think sae muckle o'
William Brodie 。 。 。 ill as it sets me。
BRODIE。 ＇You don't know what is on my mind； Jeannie； else you
would forgive me。＇ Bow Street？
JEAN。 It's the man Hunt： him that was here yestreen for the
Fiscal。
BRODIE。 Hunt？
JEAN。 He kens a hantle。 He 。 。 。 Ye maunna be angered wi' me；
Wullie！ I said what I shouldna。
BRODIE。 Said？ Said what？
JEAN。 Just that ye were a guid frien' to me。 He made believe he
was awful sorry for me； because ye gied me nae siller； and I
said； 'Wha tellt him that？' and that he lee'd。
BRODIE。 God knows he did！ What next？
JEAN。 He was that soft…spoken； butter wouldna melt in his mouth；
and he keept aye harp； harpin'； but after that let out； he got
neither black nor white frae me。 Just that ae word and nae mair；
and at the hinder end he just speired straucht out； whaur it was
ye got your siller frae。
BRODIE。 Where I got my siller？
JEAN。 Ay； that was it！ 'You ken；' says he。
BRODIE。 Did he？ and what said you？
JEAN。 I couldna think on naething； but just that he was a gey
and clever gentleman。
BRODIE。 You should have said I was in trade； and had a good
business。 That's what you should have said。 That's what you
would have said had you been worth your salt。 But it's blunder；
blunder； outside an