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her fascinating first youth。〃 The good lady little knows what a
hopeless love affair mine is。 I must see Stella sometimesI ask；
and hope for； no more。 Never have I felt how lonely my life is；
as I feel it now。
Third Extract。
London； March 1。Stella and her mother have set forth on their
journey to St。 Germain this morning； without allowing me； as I
had hoped and planned； to be their escort。
Mrs。 Eyrecourt set up the old objection of the claims of
propriety。 If that were the only obstacle in my way； I should
have set it aside by following them to France。 Where is the
impropriety of my seeing Stella； as her friend and
brotherespecially when I don't live in the same house with her；
and when she has her mother； on one side； and Madame Villeray； on
the other； to take care of her？
No！ the influence that keeps me away from St。 Germain is the
influence of Stella herself。
〃I will write to you often；〃 she said； 〃but I beg you； for my
sake； not to accompany us to France。〃 Her look and tone reduced
me to obedience。 Stupid as I am I think （after what passed
between me and her mother） I can guess what she meant。
〃Am I never to see you again？〃 I asked。
〃Do you think I am hard and ungrateful？〃 she answered。 〃Do you
doubt that I shall be glad； more than glad； to see you； when？〃
She turned away from me and said no more。
It was time to take leave。 We were under her mother's
superintendence； we shook hands and that was all。
Matilda （Mrs。 Eyrecourt's maid） followed me downstairs to open
the door。 I suppose I looked； as I felt； wretchedly enough。 The
good creature tried to cheer me。 〃Don't be anxious about them；〃
she said； 〃I am used to traveling； sirand I'll take care of
them。〃 She is a woman to be thoroughly depended on； a faithful
and attached servant。 I made her a little present at parting； and
I asked her if she would write to me from time to time。
Some people might consider this to be rather an undignified
proceeding on my part。 I can only say it came naturally to me。 I
am not a dignified man； and； when a person means kindly toward
me； I don't ask myself whether that person is higher or lower；
richer or poorer； than I am。 We are； to my mind； on the same
level when the same sympathy unites us。 Matilda was sufficiently
acquainted with all that had passed to foresee； as I did； that
there would be certain reservations in Stella's letters to me。
〃You shall have the whole truth from Me； sir； don't doubt it；〃
she whispered。 I believed her。 When my heart is sore； give me a
woman for my friend。 Whether she is lady or lady's…maid； she is
equally precious to me。
Cowes； March 2。I am in treaty with an agent for the hire of a
yacht。
I must do something； and go somewhere。 Returning to Beaupark is
out of the question。 People with tranquil minds can find pleasure
in the society of their country neighbors。 I am a miserable
creature； with a mind in a state of incessant disturbance。
Excellent fathers of families talking politics to me； exemplary
mothers of families offering me matrimonial opportunities with
their daughtersthat is what society means； if I go back to
Devonshire。 No。 I will go for a cruise in the Mediterranean； and
I will take one friend with me whose company I never weary ofmy
dog。
The vessel is discovereda fine schooner of three hundred tons；
just returned from a cruise to Madeira。 The sailing…master and
crew only ask for a few days on shore。 In that time the surveyor
will have examined the vessel； and the stores will be on board。
March 3。I have written to Stella； with a list of addresses at
which letters will reach me； and I have sent another list to my
faithful ally the maid。 When we leave Gibraltar； our course will
be to Naplesthence to Civita Vecchia； Leghorn； Genoa；
Marseilles。 From any of those places； I am within easy traveling
distance of St。 Germain。
March 7。 At Sea。It is half…past six in the evening。 We have
just passed the Eddystone Lighthouse； with the wind abeam。 The
log registers ten knots an hour。
Fourth Extract。
_Naples； May_ 10。The fair promise at the beginning of my voyage
has not been fulfilled。 Owing to contrary winds； storms； and
delays at Cadiz in repairing damages； we have only arrived at
Naples this evening。 Under trying circumstances of all sorts； the
yacht has behaved admirably。 A stouter and finer sea…boat never
was built。
We are too late to find the post…office open。 I shall send ashore
for letters the first thing tomorrow morning。 My next movements
will depend entirely on the news I get from St。 Germain。 If I
remain for any length of time in these regions； I shall give my
crew the holiday they have well earned at Civita Vecchia。 I am
never weary of Romebut I always did； and always shall； dislike
Naples。
May 11。 My plans are completely changed。 I am annoyed and
angry； the further I get away from France； the better I shall be
pleased。
I have heard from Stella； and heard from the maid。 Both letters
inform me that the child is born； and that it is a boy。 Do they
expect me to feel any interest in the boy？ He is my worst enemy
before he is out of his long…clothes。
Stella writes kindly enough。 Not a line in her letter； however；
invites me； or holds out the prospect of inviting me； to St。
Germain。 She refers to her mother very briefly； merely informing
me that Mrs。 Eyrecourt is well； and is already enjoying the
gayeties of Paris。 Three…fourths of the letter are occupied with
the baby。 When I wrote to her I signed myself 〃yours
affectionately。〃 Stella signs 〃yours sincerely。〃 It is a trifle；
I daresaybut I feel it； for all that。
Matilda is faithful to her engagement； Matilda's letter tells me
the truth。
〃Since the birth of the baby；〃 she writes； 〃Mrs。 Romayne has
never once mentioned your name； she can talk of nothing； and
think of nothing； but her child。 I make every allowance； I hope；
for a lady in her melancholy situation。 But I do think it is not
very grateful to have quite forgotten Mr。 Winterfield； who has
done so much for her； and who only asks to pass a few hours of
his day innocently in her society。 Perhaps； being a single woman；
I write ignorantly about mothers and babies。 But I have my
feelings； and （though I never liked Mr。 Romayne） I feel for
_you；_ sirif you will forgive the familiarity。 In my opinion
this new craze about the baby will wear out。 He is already a
cause of difference of opinion。 My good mistress； who possesses
knowledge of the world； and a kind heart as well； advises that
Mr。 Romayne should be informed of the birth of a son and heir。
Mrs。 Eyrecourt says； most truly； that the hateful old priest will
get possession of Mr。 Romayne's property； to the prejudice of the
child； unless steps are taken to shame him into doing justice to
his own son。 But Mrs。 Romayne is as proud as Lucifer； she will
not hear of making the first advances； as she calls it。 'The man
who has deserted me；' she says； 'has no heart to be touched
either by wife or child。' My mistress does not agree with her。
There have been hard words already； and the nice old French
gentleman and his wife try to make peace。 You will smile when I
tell you that they offer sugar…plums as a sort of composing gift。
My mistress accepts the gift； and has been to the theater at
Paris； with Monsieur and Madame Villeray more than once already。
To conclude； sir； if I might venture to advise you； I should
recommend trying the effect on Mrs。 R。 of absence and silence。〃
A most sensibly written letter。 I shall certainly take Matilda's
advice。 My name is never mentioned by Stellaand not a day has
passed without my thinking of her！
Well； I suppose a man can harden his heart if he likes。 Let me
harden _my_ heart； and forget her。
The crew shall have three days ashore at Naples； and then we sail
for Alexandria。 In that port the yacht will wait my return。 I
have not yet visited the cataracts of the Nile； I have not yet
seen the magnificent mouse…colored women of Nubia。 A tent in the
desert； and a dusky daughter of Nature to keep house for
methere is a new life for a man who is weary of the vapid
civilization of Europe！ I shall begin by letting my beard grow。
Fifth Extract。