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MEMOIRS OF CARWIN THE BILOQUIST ＇A fragment＇
assiduously repelled all my attempts； and insisted on my bestowing deep
and impartial attention on what had already been disclosed。 I was not
slow to comply with his directions。 My mind refused to admit any other
theme of contemplation than this。
As yet I had no glimpse of the nature of this fraternity。 I was
permitted to form conjectures； and previous incidents bestowed but one
form upon my thoughts。 In reviewing the sentiments and deportment of
Ludloe； my belief continually acquired new strength。 I even recollected
hints and ambiguous allusions in his discourse； which were easily solved；
on the supposition of the existence of a new model of society； in some
unsuspected corner of the world。
I did not fully perceive the necessity of secrecy； but this necessity
perhaps would be rendered apparent； when I should come to know the
connection that subsisted between Europe and this imaginary colony。
But what was to be done？ I was willing to abide by these conditions。
My understanding might not approve of all the ends proposed by this
fraternity； and I had liberty to withdraw from it； or to refuse to ally myself
with them。 That the obligation of secrecy should still remain； was
unquestionably reasonable。
It appeared to be the plan of Ludloe rather to damp than to stimulate
my zeal。 He discouraged all attempts to renew the subject in
conversation。 He dwelt upon the arduousness of the office to which I
aspired； the temptations to violate my duty with which I should be
continually beset； the inevitable death with which the slightest breach of
my engagements would be followed； and the long apprenticeship which it
would be necessary for me to serve； before I should be fitted to enter into
this conclave。
Sometimes my courage was depressed by these representations。 。 。 。 。 。
My zeal； however； was sure to revive； and at length Ludloe declared
himself willing to assist me in the accomplishment of my wishes。 For
this end； it was necessary； he said； that I should be informed of a second
obligation； which every candidate must assume。 Before any one could be
deemed qualified； he must be thoroughly known to his associates。 For
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MEMOIRS OF CARWIN THE BILOQUIST ＇A fragment＇
this end； he must determine to disclose every fact in his history； and every
secret of his heart。 I must begin with making these confessions with
regard to my past life； to Ludloe； and must continue to communicate； at
stated seasons； every new thought； and every new occurrence； to him。
This confidence was to be absolutely limitless： no exceptions were to be
admitted； and no reserves to be practised； and the same penalty attended
the infraction of this rule as of the former。 Means would be employed；
by which the slightest deviation； in either case； would be detected； and the
deathful consequence would follow with instant and inevitable expedition。
If secrecy were difficult to practise； sincerity； in that degree in which it
was here demanded； was a task infinitely more arduous； and a period of
new deliberation was necessary before I should decide。 I was at liberty
to pause： nay； the longer was the period of deliberation which I took； the
better； but； when I had once entered this path； it was not in my power to
recede。 After having solemnly avowed my resolution to be thus sincere in
my confession； any particle of reserve or duplicity would cost me my life。
This indeed was a subject to be deeply thought upon。 Hitherto I had
been guilty of concealment with regard to my friend。 I had entered into
no formal compact； but had been conscious to a kind of tacit obligation to
hide no important transaction of my life from him。 This consciousness
was the source of continual anxiety。 I had exerted； on numerous
occasions； my bivocal faculty； but； in my intercourse with Ludloe； had
suffered not the slightest intimation to escape me with regard to it。 This
reserve was not easily explained。 It was； in a great degree； the product of
habit； but I likewise considered that the efficacy of this instrument
depended upon its existence being unknown。 To confide the secret to one；
was to put an end to my privilege： how widely the knowledge would
thenceforth be diffused； I had no power to foresee。
Each day multiplied the impediments to confidence。 Shame hindered
me from acknowledging my past reserves。 Ludloe； from the nature of
our intercourse； would certainly account my reserve； in this respect；
unjustifiable； and to excite his indignation or contempt was an unpleasing
undertaking。 Now； if I should resolve to persist in my new path； this
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MEMOIRS OF CARWIN THE BILOQUIST ＇A fragment＇
reserve must be dismissed： I must make him master of a secret which
was precious to me beyond all others； by acquainting him with past
concealments； I must risk incurring his suspicion and his anger。 These
reflections were productive of considerable embarrassment。
There was； indeed； an avenue by which to escape these difficulties； if
it did not； at the same time； plunge me into greater。 My confessions
might； in other respects； be unbounded； but my reserves； in this particular；
might be continued。 Yet should I not expose myself to formidable perils？
Would my secret be for ever unsuspected and undiscovered？
When I considered the nature of this faculty； the impossibility of going
farther than suspicion； since the agent could be known only by his own
confession； and even this confession would not be believed by the greater
part of mankind； I was tempted to conceal it。
In most cases； if I had asserted the possession of this power； I should
be treated as a liar； it would be considered as an absurd and audacious
expedient to free myself from the suspicion of having entered into
compact with a daemon； or of being myself an emissary of the grand foe。
Here； however； there was no reason to dread a similar imputation； since
Ludloe had denied the preternatural pretensions of these airy sounds。
My conduct on this occasion was nowise influenced by the belief of
any inherent sanctity in truth。 Ludloe had taught me to model myself in
this respect entirely with a view to immediate consequences。 If my
genuine interest； on the whole； was promoted by veracity； it was proper to
adhere to it； but； if the result of my investigation were opposite； truth was
to be sacrificed without scruple。
*Paraguay。
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MEMOIRS OF CARWIN THE BILOQUIST ＇A fragment＇
Chapter VII。
Meanwhile； in a point of so much moment； I was not hasty to
determine。 My delay seemed to be； by no means； unacceptable to Ludloe；
who applauded my discretion； and warned me to be circumspect。 My
attention was chiefly absorbed by considerations connected with this
subject； and little regard was paid to any foreign occupation or
amusement。
One evening； after a day spent in my closet； I sought recreation by
walking forth。 My mind was chiefly occupied by the review of incidents
which happened in Spain。 I turned my face towards the fields； and
recovered not from my reverie； till I had proceeded some miles on the road
to Meath。 The night had considerably advanced； and the darkness was
rendered intense； by the setting of the