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circumstance induced me to be silent to all others; on the subject of my
discovery。 But; added to this; was a confused belief; that it might be
made; in some way instrumental to my relief from the hardships and
restraints of my present condition。 For some time I was not aware of the
mode in which it might be rendered subservient to this end。
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Chapter II。
My father's sister was an ancient lady; resident in Philadelphia; the
relict of a merchant; whose decease left her the enjoyment of a frugal
competence。 She was without children; and had often expressed her
desire that her nephew Frank; whom she always considered as a sprightly
and promising lad; should be put under her care。 She offered to be at the
expense of my education; and to bequeath to me at her death her slender
patrimony。
This arrangement was obstinately rejected by my father; because it was
merely fostering and giving scope to propensities; which he considered as
hurtful; and because his avarice desired that this inheritance should fall to
no one but himself。 To me; it was a scheme of ravishing felicity; and to
be debarred from it was a source of anguish known to few。 I had too
much experience of my father's pertinaciousness ever to hope for a change
in his views; yet the bliss of living with my aunt; in a new and busy scene;
and in the unbounded indulgence of my literary passion; continually
occupied my thoughts: for a long time these thoughts were productive
only of despondency and tears。
Time only enchanced the desirableness of this scheme; my new faculty
would naturally connect itself with these wishes; and the question could
not fail to occur whether it might not aid me in the execution of my
favourite plan。
A thousand superstitious tales were current in the family。 Apparitions
had been seen; and voices had been heard on a multitude of occasions。
My father was a confident believer in supernatural tokens。 The voice of
his wife; who had been many years dead; had been twice heard at
midnight whispering at his pillow。 I frequently asked myself whether a
scheme favourable to my views might not be built upon these foundations。
Suppose (thought I) my mother should be made to enjoin upon him
compliance with my wishes?
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MEMOIRS OF CARWIN THE BILOQUIST 'A fragment'
This idea bred in me a temporary consternation。 To imitate the voice
of the dead; to counterfeit a commission from heaven; bore the aspect of
presumption and impiety。 It seemed an offence which could not fail to
draw after it the vengeance of the deity。 My wishes for a time yielded to
my fears; but this scheme in proportion as I meditated on it; became more
plausible; no other occurred to me so easy and so efficacious。 I
endeavoured to persuade myself that the end proposed; was; in the highest
degree praiseworthy; and that the excellence of my purpose would justify
the means employed to attain it。
My resolutions were; for a time; attended with fluctuations and
misgivings。 These gradually disappeared; and my purpose became firm;
I was next to devise the means of effecting my views; this did not demand
any tedious deliberation。 It was easy to gain access to my father's
chamber without notice or detection; cautious footsteps and the
suppression of breath would place me; unsuspected and unthought of; by
his bed side。 The words I should use; and the mode of utterance were not
easily settled; but having at length selected these; I made myself by much
previous repetition; perfectly familiar with the use of them。
I selected a blustering and inclement night; in which the darkness was
augmented by a veil of the blackest clouds。 The building we inhabited
was slight in its structure; and full of crevices through which the gale
found easy way; and whistled in a thousand cadences。 On this night the
elemental music was remarkably sonorous; and was mingled not
unfrequently with ~~thunder heard remote~~。
I could not divest myself of secret dread。 My heart faultered with a
consciousness of wrong。 Heaven seemed to be present and to disapprove
my work; I listened to the thunder and the wind; as to the stern voice of
this disapprobation。 Big drops stood on my forehead; and my tremors
almost incapacitated me from proceeding。
These impediments however I surmounted; I crept up stairs at
midnight; and entered my father's chamber。 The darkness was intense
and I sought with outstretched hands for his bed。 The darkness; added to
the trepidation of my thoughts; disabled me from making a right estimate
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MEMOIRS OF CARWIN THE BILOQUIST 'A fragment'
of distances: I was conscious of this; and when I advanced within the
room; paused。
I endeavoured to compare the progress I had made with my knowledge
of the room; and governed by the result of this comparison; proceeded
cautiously and with hands still outstretched in search of the foot of the bed。
At this moment lightning flashed into the room: the brightness of the
gleam was dazzling; yet it afforded me an exact knowledge of my
situation。 I had mistaken my way; and discovered that my knees nearly
touched the bedstead; and that my hands at the next step; would have
touched my father's cheek。 His closed eyes and every line in his
countenance; were painted; as it were; for an instant on my sight。
The flash was accompanied with a burst of thunder; whose vehemence
was stunning。 I always entertained a dread of thunder; and now recoiled;
overborne with terror。 Never had I witnessed so luminous a gleam and so
tremendous a shock; yet my father's slumber appeared not to be disturbed
by it。
I stood irresolute and trembling; to prosecute my purpose in this state
of mind was impossible。 I resolved for the present to relinquish it; and
turned with a view of exploring my way out of the chamber。 Just then a
light seen through the window; caught my eye。 It was at first weak but
speedily increased; no second thought was necessary to inform me that the
barn; situated at a small distance from the house; and newly stored with
hay; was in flames; in consequence of being struck by the lightning。
My terror at this spectacle made me careless of all consequences
relative to myself。 I rushed to the bed and throwing myself on my father;
awakened him by loud cries。 The family were speedily roused; and were
compelled to remain impotent spectators of the devastation。 Fortunately
the wind blew in a contrary direction; so that our habitation was not
injured。
The impression that was made upon me by the incidents of that night
is indelible。 The wind gradually rose into an hurricane; the largest
branches were torn from the trees; and whirled aloft into the air; others
were uprooted and laid prostrate on the ground。 The barn was a spacious
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edifice; consisting wholly of wood; and filled with a plenteous harvest。
Thus supplied with fuel; and fanned by the wind; the fire raged with
incredible fury; meanwhile clouds rolled above; whose blackness was
rendered more conspicuous by reflection from the flames; the vast
volumes of smoke were dissipated in a moment by the storm; while
glowing fragments and cinders were borne to an immense hight; and
tossed