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MEL。 You shall have my thanks below。 ＇To the musicians； they go
out。＇
SCENE IV。
＇To them＇ SIR PAUL PLYANT and LADY PLYANT。
SIR PAUL。 Gadsbud！ I am provoked into a fermentation； as my Lady
Froth says； was ever the like read of in story？
LADY PLYANT。 Sir Paul； have patience； let me alone to rattle him
up。
SIR PAUL。 Pray； your ladyship； give me leave to be angry。 I'll
rattle him up； I warrant you； I'll firk him with a CERTIORARI。
LADY PLYANT。 You firk him； I'll firk him myself； pray； Sir Paul；
hold you contented。
CYNT。 Bless me； what makes my father in such a passion？ I never
saw him thus before。
SIR PAUL。 Hold yourself contented； my Lady Plyant。 I find passion
coming upon me by inflation； and I cannot submit as formerly；
therefore give way。
LADY PLYANT。 How now！ will you be pleased to retire and …
SIR PAUL。 No； marry will I not be pleased： I am pleased to be
angry； that's my pleasure at this time。
MEL。 What can this mean？
LADY PLYANT。 Gads my life； the man's distracted； why； how now； who
are you？ What am I？ Slidikins； can't I govern you？ What did I
marry you for？ Am I not to be absolute and uncontrollable？ Is it
fit a woman of my spirit and conduct should be contradicted in a
matter of this concern？
SIR PAUL。 It concerns me and only me。 Besides； I'm not to be
governed at all times。 When I am in tranquillity； my Lady Plyant
shall command Sir Paul； but when I am provoked to fury； I cannot
incorporate with patience and reason： as soon may tigers match with
tigers； lambs with lambs； and every creature couple with its foe； as
the poet says。
LADY PLYANT。 He's hot…headed still！ 'Tis in vain to talk to you；
but remember I have a curtain…lecture for you； you disobedient；
headstrong brute。
SIR PAUL。 No； 'tis because I won't be headstrong； because I won't
be a brute； and have my head fortified； that I am thus exasperated。
But I will protect my honour； and yonder is the violator of my fame。
LADY PLYANT。 'Tis my honour that is concerned； and the violation
was intended to me。 Your honour！ You have none but what is in my
keeping； and I can dispose of it when I please： therefore don't
provoke me。
SIR PAUL。 Hum； gadsbud； she says true。 Well； my lady； march on； I
will fight under you； then： I am convinced； as far as passion will
permit。 ＇LADY PLYANT and SIR PAUL come up to MELLEFONT。＇
LADY PLYANT。 Inhuman and treacherous …
SIR PAUL。 Thou serpent and first tempter of womankind。
CYNT。 Bless me！ Sir； madam； what mean you？
SIR PAUL。 Thy； Thy； come away； Thy； touch him not。 Come hither；
girl； go not near him； there's nothing but deceit about him。 Snakes
are in his peruke； and the crocodile of Nilus is in his belly； he
will eat thee up alive。
LADY PLYANT。 Dishonourable； impudent creature！
MEL。 For heav'n's sake； madam； to whom do you direct this language？
LADY PLYANT。 Have I behaved myself with all the decorum and nicety
befitting the person of Sir Paul's wife？ Have I preserved my honour
as it were in a snow…house for these three years past？ Have I been
white and unsullied even by Sir Paul himself？
SIR PAUL。 Nay； she has been an invincible wife； even to me； that's
the truth on't。
LADY PLYANT。 Have I； I say； preserved myself like a fair sheet of
paper for you to make a blot upon？
SIR PAUL。 And she shall make a simile with any woman in England。
MEL。 I am so amazed； I know not what to say。
SIR PAUL。 Do you think my daughter； this pretty creaturegadsbud；
she's a wife for a cherubim！do you think her fit for nothing but
to be a stalking horse； to stand before you； while you take aim at
my wife？ Gadsbud； I was never angry before in my life； and I'll
never be appeased again。
MEL。 Hell and damnation！ This is my aunt； such malice can be
engendered nowhere else。 ＇Aside。＇
LADY PLYANT。 Sir Paul； take Cynthia from his sight； leave me to
strike him with the remorse of his intended crime。
CYNT。 Pray； sir； stay； hear him； I dare affirm he's innocent。
SIR PAUL。 Innocent！ Why； hark'eecome hither； Thyhark'ee； I had
it from his aunt； my sister Touchwood。 Gadsbud； he does not care a
farthing for anything of thee but thy portion。 Why； he's in love
with my wife。 He would have tantalised thee； and made a cuckold of
thy poor father； and that would certainly have broke my heart。 I'm
sure； if ever I should have horns； they would kill me； they would
never come kindlyI should die of 'em like a child that was cutting
his teethI should indeed； Thytherefore come away； but providence
has prevented all； therefore come away when I bid you。
CYNT。 I must obey。
SCENE V。
LADY PLYANT； MELLEFONT。
LADY PLYANT。 Oh； such a thing！ the impiety of it startles meto
wrong so good； so fair a creature； and one that loves you tenderly
'tis a barbarity of barbarities； and nothing could be guilty of it …
MEL。 But the greatest villain imagination can form； I grant it； and
next to the villainy of such a fact is the villainy of aspersing me
with the guilt。 How？ which way was I to wrong her？ For yet I
understand you not。
LADY PLYANT。 Why； gads my life； cousin Mellefont； you cannot be so
peremptory as to deny it； when I tax you with it to your face？ for
now Sir Paul's gone； you are CORUM NOBUS。
MEL。 By heav'n； I love her more than life or …
LADY PLYANT。 Fiddle faddle； don't tell me of this and that； and
everything in the world； but give me mathemacular demonstration；
answer me directly。 But I have not patience。 Oh； the impiety of
it； as I was saying； and the unparalleled wickedness！ O merciful
Father！ How could you think to reverse nature so； to make the
daughter the means of procuring the mother？
MEL。 The daughter to procure the mother！
LADY PLYANT。 Ay； for though I am not Cynthia's own mother； I am her
father's wife； and that's near enough to make it incest。
MEL。 Incest！ O my precious aunt； and the devil in conjunction。
＇Aside。＇
LADY PLYANT。 Oh； reflect upon the horror of that； and then the
guilt of deceiving everybody； marrying the daughter； only to make a
cuckold of the father； and then seducing me； debauching my purity；
and perverting me from the road of virtue in which I have trod thus
long； and never made one trip； not one FAUX PAS。 Oh； consider it！
What would you have to answer for if you should provoke me to
frailty？ Alas！ humanity is feeble； heav'n knows！ very feeble； and
unable to support itself。
MEL。 Where am I？ is it day？ and am I awake？ Madam …
LADY PLYANT。 And nobody knows how circumstances may happen
together。 To my thinking； now I could resist the strongest
temptation。 But yet I know； 'tis impossible for me to know whether
I could or not； there's no certainty in the things of this life。
MEL。 Madam； pray give me leave to ask you one question。
LADY PLYANT。 O Lord； ask me the question； I'll swear I'll refuse
it； I swear I'll deny ittherefore don't ask me； nay； you shan't
ask me； I swear I'll deny it。 O Gemini； you have brought all the
blood into my face； I warrant I am as red as a turkey…cock。 O fie；
cousin Mellefont！
MEL。 Nay； madam； hear me； I mean …
LADY PLYANT。 Hear you？ No； no； I'll deny you first and hear you
afterwards。 For one does not know how one's mind may change upon
hearing。 Hearing is one of the senses； and all the senses are
fallible。 I won't trust my honour； I assure you； my honour is
infallible and uncomeatable。
MEL。 For heav'n's sake； madam …
LADY PLYANT。 Oh； name it no more。 Bless me； how can you talk of
heav'n； and have so much wickedness in your heart？ May be you don't
think it a sinthey say some of you gentlemen don't think it a sin。
May be it is no sin to them that don't think it so； indeed； if I did
not think it a sinBut still my honour； if it were no sin。 But
then； to marry my daughter for the conveniency of frequent
opportunities； I'll never consent to that； as sure as can be； I'll
break the match。
MEL。 Death and amazement！ Madam； upon my knees …
LADY PLYANT。 Nay； nay； rise up； come； you shall see my good…nature。
I know love is powerful； and nobody can help his passion。 'Tis not
your fault； nor； I swear； it is not mine。 How can I help it； if I
have charms？ And how can you help it； if you are made a captive？ I
swear it is pity it should be a fault。 But my honour；well； but
your honour； toobut the sin！well； but the necessityO Lord；
here's somebody coming； I dare not stay。 Well； you must consider of
your crime； and strive as much as can be against it；strive； be
sure。 But don't be melancholic； don't despair。 But never think
that I'll grant you anything。 O Lord； no。 But be sure you lay
aside all thoughts of the marriage； for though I know you don't love
Cynthia； only as a blind f