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Then quickly； under her breath； 〃Unberufen；〃 which the others； too； added
hastilysuperstitiously。
Mrs。 Clemens was； in fact； bright and cheerful； and anxious to hear all
about the new property which was to become their home。 She urged him to
sit by her during the dinner…hour and tell her the details； but once；
when the sense of her frailties came upon her； she said they must not
mind if she could not go very soon； but be content where they were。 He
remained from half past seven until eighta forbidden privilege； but
permitted because she was so animated； feeling so well。 Their talk was
as it had been in the old days； and once during it he reproached himself；
as he had so often done； and asked forgiveness for the tears he had
brought into her life。 When he was summoned to go at last he chided
himself for remaining so long； but she said there was no harm； and kissed
him； saying： 〃You will come back；〃 and he answered； 〃Yes； to say good
night；〃 meaning at half past nine； as was the permitted custom。 He stood
a moment at the door throwing kisses to her； and she returning them； her
face bright with smiles。
He was so hopeful and happy that it amounted to exaltation。 He went to
his room at first； then he was moved to do a thing which he had seldom
done since Susy died。 He went to the piano up…stairs and sang the old
jubilee songs that Susy had liked to hear him sing。 Jean came in
presently； listening。 She had not done this before； that he could
remember。 He sang 〃Swing Low； Sweet Chariot；〃 and 〃My Lord He Calls Me。〃
He noticed Jean then and stopped； but she asked him to go on。
Mrs。 Clemens； in her room； heard the distant music； and said to her
attendant：
〃He is singing a good…night carol to me。〃
The music ceased presently； and then a moment later she asked to be
lifted up。 Almost in that instant life slipped away without a sound。
Clemens； coming to say good night； saw a little group about her bed；
Clara and Jean standing as if dazed。 He went and bent over and looked
into her face； surprised that she did not greet him。 He did not suspect
what had happened until he heard one of the daughters ask：
〃Katie； is it true？ Oh； Katie； is it true？〃
He realized then that she was gone。
In his note…book that night he wrote：
At a quarter past 9 this evening she that was the life of my life
passed to the relief & the peace of death after as months of unjust
& unearned suffering。 I first saw her near 37 years ago； & now I
have looked upon her face for the last time。 Oh； so unexpected！。。。
I was full of remorse for things done & said in these 34 years of
married life that hurt Livy's heart。
He envied her lying there； so free from it all； with the great peace upon
her face。 He wrote to Howells and to Twichell； and to Mrs。 Crane； those
nearest and dearest ones。 To Twichell he said：
How sweet she was in death； how young； how beautiful； how like her
dear girlish self of thirty years ago； not a gray hair showing！
This rejuvenescence was noticeable within two hours after her death；
& when I went down again （2。3o） it was complete。 In all that night
& all that day she never noticed my caressing handit seemed
strange。
To Howells he recalled the closing scene：
I bent over her & looked in her face & I think I spokeI was
surprised & troubled that she did not notice me。 Then we understood
& our hearts broke。 How poor we are to…day！
But how thankful I am that her persecutions are ended！ I would not
call her back if I could。
To…day； treasured in her worn； old Testament； I found a dear &
gentle letter from you dated Far Rockaway； September 13； 1896； about
our poor Susy's death。 I am tired & old； I wish I were with Livy。
And in a few days：
It would break Livy's heart to see Clara。 We excuse ourself from all the
friends that callthough； of course； only intimates come。 Intimates
but they are not the old； old friends； the friends of the old； old times
when we laughed。 Shall we ever laugh again？ If I could only see a dog
that I knew in the old times & could put my arms around his neck and tell
him all； everything； & ease my heart！
CCXXXII
THE SAD JOURNEY HOME
A tidal wave of sympathy poured in。 Noble and commoner； friend and
strangerhumanity of every stationsent their messages of condolence to
the friend of mankind。 The cablegrams came firstbundles of them from
every corner of the worldthen the letters； a steady inflow。 Howells；
Twichell； Aldrichthose oldest friends who had themselves learned the
meaning of grief spoke such few and futile words as the language can
supply to allay a heart's mourning； each recalling the rarity and beauty
of the life that had slipped away。 Twichell and his wife wrote：
DEAR； DEAR MARK；There is nothing we can say。 What is there to say？
But here we arewith you all every hour and every minutefilled with
unutterable thoughts； unutterable affection for the dead and for the
living。
HARMONY AND JOE。
Howells in his letter said：
She hallowed what she touched far beyond priests 。 。 。 。 What are you
going to do； you poor soul？
A hundred letters crowd in for expression here； but must be deniednot；
however； the beam of hope out of Helen Keller's illumined night：
Do try to reach through grief and feel the pressure of her hand； as
I reach through darkness and feel the smile on my friends' lips and
the light in their eyes though mine are closed。
They were adrift again without plans for the future。 They would return
to America to lay Mrs。 Clemens to rest by Susy and little Langdon； but
beyond that they could not see。 Then they remembered a quiet spot in
Massachusetts； Tyringham； near Lee； where the Gilders lived； and so； on
June 7th； he wrote：
DEAR GILDER FAMILY；I have been worrying and worrying to know what
to do； at last I went to the girls with an ideato ask the Gilders
to get us shelter near their summer home。 It was the first time
they have not shaken their heads。 So to…morrow I will cable to you
and shall hope to be in time。
An hour ago the best heart that ever beat for me and mine was
carried silent out of this house； and I am as one who wanders and
has lost his way。 She who is gone was our head； she was our hands。
We are now trying to make planswe： we who have never made a plan
before； nor ever needed to。 If she could speak to us she would make
it all simple and easy with a word； & our perplexities would vanish
away。 If she had known she was near to death she would have told us
where to go and what to do； but she was not suspecting； neither were
we。 She was all our riches and she is gone； she was our breath； she
was our life； and now we are nothing。
We send you our love…and with it the love of you that was in her
heart when she died。
S。 L。 CLEMENS。
They arranged to sail on the Prince Oscar on the 29th of June。 There was
an earlier steamer； but it was the Princess Irene； which had brought
them； and they felt they would not make the return voyage on that vessel。
During the period of waiting a curious thing happened。 Clemens one day
got up in a chair in his room on the second floor to pull down the high
window…sash。 It did not move easily and his hand slipped。 It was only
by the merest chance that he saved himself from falling to the ground far
below。 He mentions this in his note…book； and once； speaking of it to
Frederick Duneka； he said：
〃Had I fallen it would probably have killed me； and in my bereaved
circumstances the world would have been convinced that it was suicide。
It was one of those curious coincidences which are always happening and
being misunderstood。〃
The homeward voyage and its sorrowful conclusion are pathetically
conveyed in his notes：
June 29； 1904。 Sailed last night at 10。 The bugle…call to
breakfast。 I recognized the notes and was distressed。 When I heard
them last Livy heard them with me； now they fall upon her ear
unheeded。
In my life there have been 68 Junesbut how vague & colorless 67 of
them are contrasted with the deep blackness of this one！
July 1； 1904。 I cannot reproduce Livy's face in my mind's eyeI
was never in my life able to reproduce a face。 It is a curious
infirmity& now at last I realize it is a calamity。
July 2； 1904。 In these 34 years we have made many voyages together；
Livy dear& now we are making our last； you down below & lonely； I
above with the crowd & lonely。
July 3； 1904。 Ship…time； 8 A。M。 In 13 hours & a quarter it will be
4 weeks since Livy died。
Thirty…one years ago we made our first voyage together& this is
our last one in company。 Susy was a year old then。 She died at 24
& had been in her grave 8 years。
July 10； 1904。 To…night it will be 5 weeks。 But to me it remains
yesterdayas it has from the first。 But this funeral marchhow
sad & long it