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might have met pleasantly elsewhere。 One afternoon a young man whom he
had casually invited to 〃drop in some day in town〃 happened to call in
the midst of a very close series of afternoon games。 It would all have
been well enough if the visitor had been content to sit quietly on the
couch and 〃bet on the game；〃 as Clemens suggested； after the greetings
were over； but he was a very young man； and he felt the necessity of
being entertaining。 He insisted on walking about the room and getting in
the way； and on talking about the Mark Twain books he had read； and the
people he had met from time to time who had known Mark Twain on the
river； or on the Pacific coast； or elsewhere。 I knew how fatal it was
for him to talk to Clemens during his play； especially concerning matters
most of which had been laid away。 I trembled for our visitor。 If I
could have got his ear privately I should have said： 〃For heaven's sake
sit down and keep still or go away！ There's going to be a combination of
earthquake and cyclone and avalanche if you keep this thing up。〃
I did what I could。 I looked at my watch every other minute。 At last；
in desperation； I suggested that I retire from the game and let the
visitor have my cue。 I suppose I thought this would eliminate an element
of danger。 He declined on the ground that he seldom played； and
continued his deadly visit。 I have never been in an atmosphere so
fraught with danger。 I did not know how the game stood； and I played
mechanically and forgot to count the score。 Clemens's face was grim and
set and savage。 He no longer ventured even a word。 By and by I noticed
that he was getting white； and I said； privately； 〃Now； this young man's
hour has come。〃
It was certainly by the mercy of God just then that the visitor said：
〃I'm sorry； but I've got to go。 I'd like to stay longer； but I've got an
engagement for dinner。〃
I don't remember how he got out； but I know that tons lifted as the door
closed behind him。 Clemens made his shot； then very softly said：
〃If he had stayed another five minutes I should have offered him twenty…
five cents to go。〃
But a moment later he glared at me。
〃Why in nation did you offer him your cue？〃
〃Wasn't that the courteous thing to do？〃 I asked。
〃No！〃 he ripped out。 〃The courteous and proper thing would have been to
strike him dead。 Did you want to saddle that disaster upon us for life？〃
He was blowing off steam； and I knew it and encouraged it。 My impulse
was to lie down on the couch and shout with hysterical laughter； but I
suspected that would be indiscreet。 He made some further comment on the
propriety of offering a visitor a cue； and suddenly began to sing a
travesty of an old hymn：
〃How tedious are they
Who their sovereign obey；〃
and so loudly that I said：
〃Aren't you afraid he'll hear you and come back？〃 Whereupon he pretended
alarm and sang under his breath； and for the rest of the evening was in
boundless good…humor。
I have recalled this incident merely as a sample of things that were
likely to happen at any time in his company； and to show the difficulty
one might find in fitting himself to his varying moods。 He was not to be
learned in a day； or a week； or a month； some of those who knew him
longest did not learn him at all。
We celebrated his seventy…first birthday by playing billiards all day。
He invented a new game for the occasion； inventing rules for it with
almost every shot。
It happened that no member of the family was at home on this birthday。
Ill health had banished every one； even the secretary。 Flowers；
telegrams； and congratulations came； and there was a string of callers；
but he saw no one beyond some intimate friendsthe Gilderslate in the
afternoon。 When they had gone we went down to dinner。 We were entirely
alone； and I felt the great honor of being his only guest on such an
occasion。 Once between the courses； when he rose； as usual； to walk
about； he wandered into the drawing…room； and seating himself at the
orchestrelle began to play the beautiful flower…song from 〃Faust。〃 It
was a thing I had not seen him do before； and I never saw him do it
again。 When he came back to the table he said：
〃Speaking of companions of the long ago； after fifty years they become
only shadows and might as well be in the grave。 Only those whom one has
really loved mean anything at all。 Of my playmates I recall John Briggs；
John Garth； and Laura Hawkinsjust those three； the rest I buried long
ago； and memory cannot even find their graves。〃
He was in his loveliest humor all that day and evening； and that night；
when he stopped playing； he said：
〃I have never had a pleasanter day at this game。〃
I answered； 〃I hope ten years from to…night we shall still be playing
it。〃
〃Yes；〃 he said； 〃still playing the best game on earth。〃
CCL
PHILOSOPHY AND PESSIMISM
In a letter to MacAlister； written at this time； he said：
The doctors banished Jean to the country 5 weeks ago； they banished
my secretary to the country for a fortnight last Saturday； they
banished Clara to the country for a fortnight last Monday 。 。 。 。
They banished me to Bermuda to sail next Wednesday； but I struck and
sha'n't go。 My complaint is permanent bronchitis & is one of the
very best assets I've got； for it excuses me from every public
function this winter& all other winters that may come。
If he had bronchitis when this letter was written； it must have been of a
very mild form； for it did not interfere with billiard games； which were
more protracted and strenuous than at almost any other period。 I
conclude； therefore； that it was a convenient bronchitis； useful on
occasion。
For a full ten days we were alone in the big house with the servants。 It
was a holiday most of the time。 We hurried through the mail in the
morning and the telephone calls； then； while I answered such letters as
required attention； he dictated for an hour or so to Miss Hobby； after
which； billiards for the rest of the day and evening。 When callers were
reported by the butler； I went down and got rid of them。 Clara Clemens；
before her departure； had pinned up a sign； 〃NO BILLIARDS AFTER 10 P。M。；〃
which still hung on the wall； but it was outlawed。 Clemens occasionally
planned excursions to Bermuda and other places； but； remembering the
billiard…table； which he could not handily take along； he abandoned these
projects。 He was a boy whose parents had been called away； left to his
own devices； and bent on a good time。
There were likely to be irritations in his morning's mail； and more often
he did not wish to see it until it had been pretty carefully sifted。 So
many people wrote who wanted things； so many others who made the claim of
more or less distant acquaintanceship the excuse for long and trivial
letters。
〃I have stirred up three generations；〃 he said； 〃first the grandparents；
then the children； and now the grandchildren； the great…grandchildren
will begin to arrive soon。〃
His mail was always large； but often it did not look interesting。 One
could tell from the envelope and the superscription something of the
contents。 Going over one assortment he burst out：
〃Look at them！ Look how trivial they are！ Every envelope looks as if it
contained a trivial human soul。〃
Many letters were filled with fulsome praise and compliment； usually of
one pattern。 He was sated with such things； and seldom found it possible
to bear more than a line or two of them。 Yet a fresh； well…expressed
note of appreciation always pleased him。
〃I can live for two months on a good compliment；〃 he once said。
Certain persistent correspondents； too self…centered to realize their
lack of consideration； or the futility of their purpose； followed him
relentlessly。 Of one such he remarked：
〃That woman intends to pursue me to the grave。 I wish something could be
done to appease her。〃
And again：
〃Everybody in the world who wants something0something of no interest to
mewrites to me to get it。〃
These morning sessions were likely to be of great interest。 Once a
letter spoke of the desirability of being an optimist。 〃That word
perfectly disgusts me；〃 he said； and his features materialized the
disgust； 〃just as that other word； pessimist； does； and the idea that one
can； by any effort of will； be one or the other； any more than he can
change the color of his hair。 The reason why a man is a pessimist or an
optimist is not because he wants to be； but because he was born so； and
this man ＇a minister of the Gospel who was going to explain life to him＇
is going to tell me why he isn't a pessimist。 Oh； he'll do it； but he
won't tell the truth； he won't make it short enough。〃
Yet he was always patient with any one who came with spiritual messages；
theological arguments； and consolations。 He might have said to them：
〃Oh； dear friends； those things of which you speak are the toys that long
ago I played with and set aside。〃 He could have said it and spoken the
truth； but I believe he did not even think it。 He listened to any one
for whom he had respect； and was grateful for any eff