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elbow in the mail…bag。
Next incident。 In the following monthMarchI was in America。 I spent
a Sunday at Irvington…on…the…Hudson with Mr。 John Brisben Walker； of the
Cosmopolitan magazine。 We came into New York next morning； and went to
the Century Club for luncheon。 He said some praiseful things about the
character of the club and the orderly serenity and pleasantness of its
quarters； and asked if I had never tried to acquire membership in it。
I said I had not； and that New York clubs were a continuous expense to
the country members without being of frequent use or benefit to them。
〃And now I've got an idea！〃 said I。 〃There's the Lotosthe first New
York club I was ever a member ofmy very earliest love in that line。
I have been a member of it for considerably more than twenty years； yet
have seldom had a chance to look in and see the boys。 They turn gray and
grow old while I am not watching。 And my dues go on。 I am going to
Hartford this afternoon for a day or two； but as soon as I get back I
will go to John Elderkin very privately and say： 'Remember the veteran
and confer distinction upon him； for the sake of old times。 Make me an
honorary member and abolish the tax。 If you haven't any such thing as
honorary membership； all the bettercreate it for my honor and glory。'
That would be a great thing； I will go to John Elderkin as soon as I get
back from Hartford。〃
I took the last express that afternoon； first telegraphing Mr。 F。 G。
Whitmore to come and see me next day。 When he came he asked： 〃Did you
get a letter from Mr。 John Elderkin； secretary of the Lotos Club； before
you left New York？〃
〃Then it just missed you。 If I had known you were coming I would have
kept it。 It is beautiful； and will make you proud。 The Board of
Directors； by unanimous vote； have made you a life member； and squelched
those dues； and； you are to be on hand and receive your distinction on
the night of the 30th； which is the twenty…fifth anniversary of the
founding of the club； and it will not surprise me if they have some great
times there。〃
What put the honorary membership in my head that day in the Century Club？
for I had never thought of it before。 I don't know what brought the
thought to me at that particular time instead of earlier； but I am well
satisfied that it originated with the Board of Directors； and had been on
its way to my brain through the air ever since the moment that saw their
vote recorded。
Another incident。 I was in Hartford two or three days as a guest of the
Rev。 Joseph H。 Twichell。 I have held the rank of Honorary Uncle to his
children for a quarter of a century； and I went out with him in the
trolley…car to visit one of my nieces； who is at Miss Porter's famous
school in Farmington。 The distance is eight or nine miles。 On the way；
talking； I illustrated something with an anecdote。 This is the anecdote：
Two years and a half ago I and the family arrived at Milan on our way to
Rome； and stopped at the Continental。 After dinner I went below and took
a seat in the stone…paved court； where the customary lemon…trees stand in
the customary tubs； and said to myself； 〃Now this is comfort； comfort and
repose； and nobody to disturb it； I do not know anybody in Milan。〃
Then a young gentleman stepped up and shook hands； which damaged my
theory。 He said； in substance：
〃You won't remember me； Mr。 Clemens； but I remember you very well。 I was
a cadet at West Point when you and Rev。 Joseph H。 Twichell came there
some years ago and talked to us on a Hundredth Night。 I am a lieutenant
in the regular army now； and my name is H。 I am in Europe； all alone；
for a modest little tour； my regiment is in Arizona。〃
We became friendly and sociable； and in the course of the talk he told me
of an adventure which had befallen himabout to this effect：
〃I was at Bellagio； stopping at the big hotel there； and ten days ago I
lost my letter of credit。 I did not know what in the world to do。 I was
a stranger； I knew no one in Europe； I hadn't a penny in my pocket； I
couldn't even send a telegram to London to get my lost letter replaced；
my hotel bill was a week old； and the presentation of it imminentso
imminent that it could happen at any moment now。 I was so frightened
that my wits seemed to leave me。 I tramped and tramped； back and forth；
like a crazy person。 If anybody approached me I hurried away； for no
matter what a person looked like； I took him for the head waiter with the
bill。
〃I was at last in such a desperate state that I was ready to do any wild
thing that promised even the shadow of help； and so this is the insane
thing that I did。 I saw a family lunching at a small table on the
veranda； and recognized their nationalityAmericansfather； mother； and
several young daughtersyoung； tastefully dressed； and prettythe rule
with our people。 I went straight there in my civilian costume； named my
name； said I was a lieutenant in the army； and told my story and asked
for help。
〃What do you suppose the gentleman did？ But you would not guess in
twenty years。 He took out a handful of gold coin and told me to help
myselffreely。 That is what he did。〃
The next morning the lieutenant told me his new letter of credit had
arrived in the night； so we strolled to Cook's to draw money to pay back
the benefactor with。 We got it； and then went strolling through the
great arcade。 Presently he said； 〃Yonder they are； come and be
introduced。〃 I was introduced to the parents and the young ladies； then
we separated； and I never saw him or them any m…
〃Here we are at Farmington；〃 said Twichell； interrupting。
We left the trolley…car and tramped through the mud a hundred yards or so
to the school； talking about the time we and Warner walked out there
years ago； and the pleasant time we had。
We had a visit with my niece in the parlor； then started for the trolley
again。 Outside the house we encountered a double rank of twenty or
thirty of Miss Porter's young ladies arriving from a walk； and we stood
aside； ostensibly to let them have room to file past； but really to look
at them。 Presently one of them stepped out of the rank and said：
〃You don't know me； Mr。 Twichell； but I know your daughter； and that
gives me the privilege of shaking hands with you。〃
Then she put out her hand to me； and said：
〃And I wish to shake hands with you too； Mr。 Clemens。 You don't remember
me； but you were introduced to me in the arcade in Milan two years and a
half ago by Lieutenant H。〃
What had put that story into my head after all that stretch of time？ Was
it just the proximity of that young girl； or was it merely an odd
accident？
THE INVALID'S STORY
I seem sixty and married； but these effects are due to my condition and
sufferings； for I am a bachelor； and only forty…one。 It will be hard for
you to believe that I； who am now but a shadow； was a hale； hearty man
two short years ago； a man of iron； a very athlete！ yet such is the
simple truth。 But stranger still than this fact is the way in which I
lost my health。 I lost it through helping to take care of a box of guns
on a two…hundred…mile railway journey one winter's night。 It is the
actual truth； and I will tell you about it。
I belong in Cleveland； Ohio。 One winter's night； two years ago； I
reached home just after dark； in a driving snow…storm； and the first
thing I heard when I entered the house was that my dearest boyhood friend
and schoolmate； John B。 Hackett； had died the day before； and that his
last utterance had been a desire that I would take his remains home to
his poor old father and mother in Wisconsin。 I was greatly shocked and
grieved； but there was no time to waste in emotions； I must start at
once。 I took the card； marked 〃Deacon Levi Hackett； Bethlehem；
Wisconsin；〃 and hurried off through the whistling storm to the railway
station。 Arrived there I found the long white…pine box which had been
described to me； I fastened the card to it with some tacks； saw it put
safely aboard the express car； and then ran into the eating…room to
provide myself with a sandwich and some cigars。 When I returned；
presently； there was my coffin…box back again； apparently； and a young
fellow examining around it； with a card in his hands； and some tacks and
a hammer！ I was astonished and puzzled。 He began to nail on his card；
and I rushed out to the express car； in a good deal of a state of mind；
to ask for an explanation。 But nothere was my box； all right； in the
express car； it hadn't been disturbed。 ＇The fact is that without my
suspecting it a prodigious mistake had been made。 I was carrying off a
box of guns which that young fellow had come to the station to ship to a
rifle company in Peoria； Illinois； and he had got my corpse！＇ Just then
the conductor sung out 〃All aboard；〃 and I jumped into the express car
and got a comfortable seat on a bale of buckets。 The expressman was
there； hard at work；a plain man of fifty； with a simple； honest； good…
natured face； and a breezy； practical heartiness in his general style。
As the train moved off a stranger skipped into the car and set a package
of peculiarly mature and capable Limbu