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thought to myself in my dejection and disillusionment； 〃I cannot
be quite grown…up if I cannot smoke as other fellows do； and
should be fated never to hold a chibouk between my first and
second fingers； or to inhale and puff smoke through a flaxen
moustache！〃
When Dimitri called for me at five o'clock； he found me in this
unpleasant predicament。 After drinking a glass of water； however；
I felt nearly recovered； and ready to go with him。
〃So much for your trying to smoke！〃 said he as he gazed at the
remnants of my debauch。 〃It is a silly thing to do； and waste of
money as well。 I long ago promised myself never to smoke。 But
come along； we have to call for Dubkoff。〃
XIV
HOW WOLODA AND DUBKOFF AMUSED THEMSELVES
THE moment that Dimitri entered my room I perceived from his
face； manner of walking； and the signs which； in him； denoted
ill…humoura blinking of the eyes and a grim holding of his head
to one side； as though to straighten his collarthat he was in
the coldly…correct frame of mind which was his when he felt
dissatisfied with himself。 It was a frame of mind； too； which
always produced a chilling effect upon my feelings towards him。
Of late I had begun to observe and appraise my friend's character
a little more； but our friendship had in no way suffered from
that； since it was still too young and strong for me to be able
to look upon Dimitri as anything but perfect； no matter in what
light I regarded him。 In him there were two personalities； both
of which I thought beautiful。 One； which I loved devotedly； was
kind； mild； forgiving； gay； and conscious of being those various
things。 When he was in this frame of mind his whole exterior； the
very tone of his voice； his every movement； appeared to say： 〃I
am kind and good…natured； and rejoice in being so； and every one
can see that I so rejoice。〃 The other of his two personalities
one which I had only just begun to apprehend； and before the
majesty of which I bowed in spiritwas that of a man who was
cold； stern to himself and to others； proud； religious to the
point of fanaticism； and pedantically moral。 At the present
moment he was； as I say； this second personality。
With that frankness which constituted a necessary condition of
our relations I told him； as soon as we entered the drozhki； how
much it depressed and hurt me to see him； on this my fete…day in
a frame of mind so irksome and disagreeable to me。
〃What has upset you so？〃 I asked him。 〃Will you not tell me？〃
〃My dear Nicolas；〃 was his slow reply as he gave his head a
nervous twitch to one side and blinked his eyes； 〃since I have
given you my word never to conceal anything from you； you have no
reason to suspect me of secretiveness。 One cannot always be in
exactly the same mood； and if I seem at all put out； that is all
there is to say about it。〃
〃What a marvellously open； honourable character his is！〃 I
thought to myself； and dropped the subject。
We drove the rest of the way to Dubkoff's in silence。 Dubkoff's
flat was an unusually fine oneor； at all events； so it seemed
to me。 Everywhere were rugs； pictures； gardenias； striped
hangings； photographs； and curved settees； while on the walls
hung guns； pistols； pouches； and the mounted heads of wild
beasts。 It was the appearance of this apartment which made me
aware whom； it was that Woloda had imitated in the scheme of his
own sitting…room。 We found Dubkoff and Woloda engaged in cards；
while seated also at the table； and watching the game with close
attention； was a gentleman whom I did not know； but who appeared
to be of no great importance； judging by the modesty of his
attitude。 Dubkoff himself was in a silk dressing…gown and soft
slippers； while Wolodaseated opposite him on a divanwas in his
shirtsleeves； as well as （to judge by his flushed face and the
impatient； cursory glance which he gave us for a second as he
looked up from the cards） much taken up with the game。 On seeing
me； he reddened still more。
〃Well； it is for you to deal；〃 he remarked to Dubkoff。 In an
instant I divined that he did not altogether relish my becoming
acquainted with the fact that he gambled。 Yet his expression had
nothing in it of confusiononly a look which seemed to me to say：
〃Yes； I play cards； and if you are surprised at that； it is only
because you are so young。 There is nothing wrong about itit is
a necessity at our age。〃 Yes； I at once divined and understood
that。
Instead of dealing； however； Dubkoff rose and shook hands with
us； after which he bade us both be seated； and then offered us
pipes； which we declined。
〃Here is our DIPLOMAT； thenthe hero of the day！〃 he said to me；
〃Good Lord！ how you look like a colonel！〃
〃H…m！〃 I muttered in reply； though once more feeling a complacent
smile overspread my countenance。
I stood in that awe of Dubkoff which a sixteen…year…old boy
naturally feels for a twenty…seven…year…old man of whom his
elders say that he is a very clever young man who can dance well
and speak French； and who； though secretly despising one's youth；
endeavours to conceal the fact。 Yet； despite my respect for him；
I somehow found it difficult and uncomfortable； throughout my
acquaintanceship with him； to look him in the eyes； I have since
remarked that there are three kinds of men whom I cannot face
easily； namely those who are much better than myself； those who
are much worse； and those between whom and myself there is a
mutual determination not to mention some particular thing of
which we are both aware。 Dubkoff may have been a much better
fellow than myself； or he may have been a much worse； but the
point was that he lied very frequently without recognising the
fact that I was aware of his doing so； yet had determined not to
mention it。
〃Let us play another round；〃 said Woloda； hunching one shoulder
after the manner of Papa； and reshuffling the cards。
〃How persistent you are！〃 said Dubkoff。 〃We can play all we want
to afterwards。 Well； one more round； then。〃
During the play； I looked at their hands。 Woloda's hands were
large and red； whilst in the crook of the thumb and the way in
which the other fingers curved themselves round the cards as he
held them they so exactly resembled Papa's that now and then I
could not help thinking that Woloda purposely held the cards thus
so as to look the more like a grownup。 Yet the next moment；
looking at his face； I could see that he had not a thought in his
mind beyond the game。 Dubkoff's hands； on the contrary； were
small； puffy； and inclined to clench themselves； as well as
extremely neat and small…fingered。 They were just the kind of
hands which generally display rings； and which are most to be
seen on persons who are both inclined to use them and fond of
objets de vertu。
Woloda must have lost； for the gentleman who was watching the
play remarked that Vladimir Petrovitch had terribly bad luck；
while Dubkoff reached for a note book； wrote something in it； and
then； showing Woloda what he had written； said：
〃Is that right？〃
〃Yes。〃 said Woloda； glancing with feigned carelessness at the
note book。 〃Now let us go。〃
Woloda took Dubkoff； and I gave Dimitri a lift in my drozhki。
〃What were they playing at？〃 I inquired of Dimitri。
〃At piquet。 It is a stupid game。 In fact； all such games are
stupid。〃
〃And were they playing for much？〃
〃No； not very much； but more than they ought to。〃
〃Do you ever play yourself？〃
〃No； I swore never to do so； but Dubkoff will play with any one
he can get hold of。〃
〃He ought not to do that；〃 I remarked。 〃So Woloda does not play
so well as he does？〃
〃Perhaps Dubkoff ought not to； as you say； yet there is nothing
especially bad about it all。 He likes playing； and plays well；
but he is a good fellow all the same。〃
〃I had no idea of this；〃 I said。
〃We must not think ill of him；〃 concluded Dimitri； 〃since he is a
simply splendid fellow。 I like him very much； and always shall
like him； in spite of his weakness。〃
For some reason or another the idea occurred to me that； just
BECAUSE Dimitri stuck up so stoutly for Dubkoff； he neither liked
nor respected him in reality； but was determined； out of
stubbornness and a desire not to be accused of inconstancy； never
to own to the fact。 He was one of those people who love their
friends their life long； not so much because those friends remain
always dear to them； as because； having oncepossibly
mistakenlyliked a person； they look upon it as dishonourable to
cease ever to do so。
XV
I AM FETED AT DINNER
Dubkoff and Woloda knew every one at the restaurant by name； and
every one； from the waiters to the proprietor； paid them great
respect。 No time was lost in allotting us a private room； where a
bottle of iced champagne…upon which I tried to look with as much
indifference as I couldstood ready