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action。 Suppose； however； that people DO suppose you to suppose
such a thingWell； to sum up；〃 he added； feeling that he was
getting a little mixed in his pronouncements； 〃you had much
better not suppose anything of the kind。〃
My friend was perfectly right； though it was not until long； long
afterwards that experience of life taught me the evil that comes
of thinkingstill worse； of sayingmuch that seems very fine；
taught me that there are certain thoughts which should always be
kept to oneself； since brave words seldom go with brave deeds。 I
learnt then that the mere fact of giving utterance to a good
intention often makes it difficult； nay； impossible； to carry
that good intention into effect。 Yet how is one to refrain from
giving utterance to the brave； self…sufficient impulses of youth？
Only long afterwards does one remember and regret them； even as
one incontinently plucks a flower before its blooming； and
subsequently finds it lying crushed and withered on the ground。
The very next morning I； who had just been telling my friend
Dimitri that money corrupts all human relations； and had （as we
have seen） squandered the whole of my cash on pictures and
Turkish pipes； accepted a loan of twenty roubles which he
suggested should pay for my travelling expenses into the country；
and remained a long while thereafter in his debt！
XXII
INTIMATE CONVERSATION WITH MY FRIEND
THIS conversation of ours took place in a phaeton on the way to
Kuntsevo。 Dimitri had invited me in the morning to go with him to
his mother's； and had called for me after luncheon； the idea
being that I should spend the evening； and perhaps also pass the
night； at the country…house where his family lived。 Only when we
had left the city and exchanged its grimy streets and the
unbearably deafening clatter of its pavements for the open vista
of fields and the subdued grinding of carriage…wheels on a dusty
high road （while the sweet spring air and prospect enveloped us
on every side） did I awake from the new impressions and
sensations of freedom into which the past two days had plunged
me。 Dimitri was in his kind and sociable mood。 That is to say； he
was neither frowning nor blinking nervously nor straightening his
neck in his collar。 For my own part； I was congratulating myself
on those noble sentiments which I have expressed above； in the
belief that they had led him to overlook my shameful encounter
with Kolpikoff； and to refrain from despising me for it。 Thus we
talked together on many an intimate subject which even a friend
seldom mentions to a friend。 He told me about his family whose
acquaintance I had not yet madeabout his mother； his aunt； and
his sister； as also about her whom Woloda and Dubkoff believed to
be his 〃flame；〃 and always spoke of as 〃the lady with the
chestnut locks。〃 Of his mother he spoke with a certain cold and
formal commendation； as though to forestall any further mention
of her； his aunt he extolled enthusiastically； though with a
touch of condescension in his tone； his sister he scarcely
mentioned at all； as though averse to doing so in my presence；
but on the subject of 〃the lady with the chestnut locks〃 （whose
real name was Lubov Sergievna； and who was a grown…up young lady
living on a family footing with the Nechludoffs） he discoursed
with animation。
〃Yes； she is a wonderful woman；〃 he said with a conscious
reddening of the face； yet looking me in the eyes with dogged
temerity。 〃True； she is no longer young； and even rather elderly；
as well as by no means good…looking； but as for loving a mere
featherhead； a mere beautywell； I never could understand that；
for it is such a silly thing to do。〃 （Dimitri said this as though
he had just discovered a most novel and extraordinary truth。） 〃I
am certain； too； that such a soul； such a heart and principles；
as are hers are not to be found elsewhere in the world of the
present day。〃 （I do not know whence he had derived the habit of
saying that few good things were discoverable in the world of the
present day； but at all events he loved to repeat the expression；
and it somehow suited him。）
〃Only； I am afraid；〃 he went on quietly； after thus annihilating
all such men as were foolish enough to admire mere beauty； 〃I am
afraid that you will not understand or realise her quickly。 She
is modest； even secretive； and by no means fond of exhibiting her
beautiful and surprising qualities。 Now； my motherwho； as you
will see； is a noble； sensible womanhas known Lubov Sergievna；
for many years； yet even to this day she does not properly
understand her。 Shall I tell you why I was out of temper last
evening when you were questioning me？ Well； you must know that
the day before yesterday Lubov asked me to accompany her to Ivan
Yakovlevitch's （you have heard of him； I suppose？ the fellow who
seems to be mad； but who； in reality； is a very remarkable man）。
Well； Lubov is extremely religious； and understands Ivan
Yakovlevitch to the full。 She often goes to see him； and
converses with him； and gives him money for the poormoney which
she has earned herself。 She is a marvellous woman； as you will
see。 Well； I went with her to Ivan's； and felt very grateful to
her for having afforded me the opportunity of exchanging a word
with so remarkable a man； but my mother could not understand our
action at all； and discerned in it only superstition。
Consequently； last night she and I quarrelled for the first time
in our lives。 A very bitter one it was； too；〃 he concluded； with
a convulsive shrug of his shoulders； as though the mention of it
recalled the feelings which he had then experienced。
〃And what are your intentions about it all？〃 I inquired； to
divert him from such a disagreeable recollection。 〃That is to
say； how do you imagine it is going to turn out？ Do you ever
speak to her about the future； or about how your love or
friendship are going to end？〃
〃Do you mean； do I intend to marry her eventually？〃 he inquired；
in his turn； with a renewed blush； but turning himself round and
looking me boldly in the face。
〃Yes； certainly；〃 I replied as I settled myself down。 〃We are
both of us grown…up； as well as friends； so we may as well
discuss our future life as we drive along。 No one could very well
overlook or overhear us now。〃
〃Why should I NOT marry her？〃 he went on in response to my
reassuring reply。 〃It is my aimas it should be the aim of every
honourable manto be as good and as happy as possible； and with
her； if she should still be willing when I have become more
independent； I should be happier and better than with the
greatest beauty in the world。〃
Absorbed in such conversation； we hardly noticed that we were
approaching Kuntsevo； or that the sky was becoming overcast and
beginning to threaten rain。 On the right； the sun was slowly
sinking behind the ancient trees of the Kuntsevo parkone half
of its brilliant disc obscured with grey； subluminous cloud； and
the other half sending forth spokes of flaming light which threw
the old trees into striking relief as they stood there with their
dense crowns of green showing against a blue patch of sky。 The
light and shimmer of that patch contrasted sharply with the heavy
pink cloud which lay massed above a young birch…tree visible on
the horizon before us； while； a little further to the right； the
parti…coloured roofs of the Kuntsevo mansion could be seen
projecting above a belt of trees and undergrowthone side of them
reflecting the glittering rays of the sun； and the other side
harmonising with the more louring portion of the heavens。 Below
us； and to the left； showed the still blue of a pond where it lay
surrounded with pale…green laburnumsits dull； concave…looking
depths repeating the trees in more sombre shades of colour over
the surface of a hillock。 Beyond the water spread the black
expanse of a ploughed field； with the straight line of a dark…
green ridge by which it was bisected running far into the
distance； and there joining the leaden； threatening horizon。
On either side of the soft road along which the phaeton was
pursuing the even tenour of its way； bright…green； tangled； juicy
belts of rye were sprouting here and there into stalk。 Not a
motion was perceptible in the air； only a sweet freshness； and
everything looked extraordinarily clear and bright。 Near the road
I could see a little brown path winding its way among the dark…
green； quarter…grown stems of rye； and somehow that path reminded
me vividly of our village； and somehow （through some connection
of thought） the idea of that village reminded me vividly of
Sonetchka； and so of the fact that I was in love with her。
Notwithstanding my fondness for Dimitri and the pleasure which
his frankness had afforded me； I now felt as though I desired to
hear no more about his feelings and intentions with regard to
Lubov Sergievna； but to talk unstintedly