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tendrils towards the sunlight； with green； needle…shaped blades
of grass and young； dew…coated pods peering through last year's
leaves； and growing juicily green in the perennial shade； as
though they care nothing for the bright sunshine which is playing
on the leaves of the apple…trees above them。 In this density
there is always moisturealways a smell of confined； perpetual
shade； of cobwebs； fallen apples （turning black where they roll
on the mouldy sod）； raspberries； and earwigs of the kind which
impel one to reach hastily for more fruit when one has
inadvertently swallowed a member of that insect tribe with the
last berry。 At every step one's movements keep flushing the
sparrows which always make their home in these depths； and one
hears their fussy chirping and the beating of their tiny；
fluttering wings against the stalks； and catches the low buzzing
of a bumble bee somewhere； and the sound of the gardener's
footsteps （it is half…daft Akim） on the path as he hums his
eternal sing…song to himself。 Then one mutters under one's
breath； 〃No！ Neither he nor any one else shall find me here！〃 yet
still one goes on stripping juicy berries from their conical
white pilasters； and cramming them into one's mouth。 At length；
one's legs soaked to the knees as one repeats； over and over
again； some rubbish which keeps running
in one's head； and one's hands and nether limbs （despite the
protection of one's wet trousers） thoroughly stung with the
nettles； one comes to the conclusion that the sun's rays are
beating too straight upon one's head for eating to be any longer
desirable； and； sinking down into the tangle of greenery； one
remains therelooking and listening； and continuing in
mechanical fashion to strip off one or two of the finer berries
and swallow them。
At eleven o'clockthat is to say； when the ladies had taken
their morning tea and settled down to their occupationsI would
repair to the drawing…room。 Near the first window； with its
unbleached linen blind lowered to exclude the sunshine； but
through the chink of which the sun kept throwing brilliant
circles of light which hurt the eye to look at them； there would
be standing a screen； with flies quietly parading the whiteness
of its covering。 Behind it would be seated Mimi； shaking her head
in an irritable manner； and constantly shifting from spot to spot
to avoid the sunshine as at intervals it darted her from
somewhere and laid a streak of flame upon her hand or face。
Through the other three windows the sun would be throwing three
squares of light； crossed with the shadows of the window…frames；
and where one of these patches marked the unstained floor of the
room there would be lying； in accordance with invariable custom；
Milka； with her ears pricked as she watched the flies promenading
the lighted space。 Seated on a settee； Katenka would be knitting
or reading aloud as from time to time she gave her white sleeves
（looking almost transparent in the sunshine） an impatient shake；
or tossed her head with a frown to drive away some fly which had
settled upon her thick auburn hair and was now buzzing in its
tangles。 Lubotshka would either be walking up and down the room
（her hands clasped behind her） until the moment should arrive
when a movement would be made towards the garden； or playing some
piece of which every note had long been familiar to me。 For my
own part； I would sit down somewhere； and listen to the music or
the reading until such time as I myself should have an
opportunity of performing on the piano。 After luncheon I would
condescend to take the girls out riding （since to go for a mere
walk at that hour seemed to me unsuitable to my years and
position in the world）； and these excursions of oursin which I
often took my companions through unaccustomed spots and dells
were very pleasant。 Indeed； on some of these occasions I grew
quite boyish； and the girls would praise my riding and daring；
and pretend that I was their protector。 In the evening； if we had
no guests with us； tea （served in the dim verandah）；would be
followed by a walk round the homestead with Papa； and then I
would stretch myself on my usual settee； and read and ponder as
of old； as I listened to Katenka or Lubotshka playing。 At other
times； if I was alone in the drawing…room and Lubotshka was
performing some old…time air； I would find myself laying my book
down； and gazing through the open doorway on to the balcony at
the pendent； sinuous branches of the tall birch…trees where they
stood overshadowed by the coming night； and at the clear sky
where； if one looked at it intently enough； misty； yellowish
spots would appear suddenly； and then disappear again。 Next； as I
listened to the sounds of the music wafted from the salon； and to
the creaking of gates and the voices of the peasant women when
the cattle returned to the village； I would suddenly bethink me
of Natalia Savishna and of Mamma and of Karl Ivanitch； and become
momentarily sad。 But in those days my spirit was so full of life
and hope that such reminiscences only touched me in passing； and
soon fled away again。
After supper and （sometimes） a night stroll with some one in the
garden （for I was afraid to walk down the dark avenues by
myself）； I would repair to my solitary sleeping…place on the
verandaha proceeding which； despite the countless mosquitos
which always devoured me； afforded me the greatest pleasure。 If
the moon was full； I frequently spent whole nights sitting up on
my mattress； looking at the light and shade； listening to the
sounds or stillness； dreaming of one matter and another （but more
particularly of the poetic； voluptuous happiness which； in those
days； I believed was to prove the acme of my felicity） and
lamenting that until now it had only been given to me to IMAGINE
things。 No sooner had every one dispersed； and I had seen lights
pass from the drawing…room to the upper chambers （whence female
voices would presently be heard； and the noise of windows opening
and shutting）； than I would depart to the verandah； and walk up
and down there as I listened attentively to the sounds from the
slumbering mansion。 To this day； whenever I feel any expectation
（no matter how small and baseless） of realising a fraction of
some happiness of which I may be dreaming； I somehow invariably
fail to picture to myself what the imagined happiness is going to
be like。
At the least sound of bare footsteps； or of a cough； or of a
snore； or of the rattling of a window； or of the rustling of a
dress； I would leap from my mattress； and stand furtively gazing
and listening； thrown； without any visible cause； into extreme
agitation。 But the lights would disappear from the upper rooms；
the sounds of footsteps and talking give place to snores； the
watchman begin his nightly tapping with his stick； the garden
grow brighter and more mysterious as the streaks of light
vanished from the windows； the last candle pass from the pantry
to the hall （throwing a glimmer into the dewy garden as it did
so）； and the stooping figure of Foka （decked in a nightcap； and
carrying the candle） become visible to my eyes as he went to his
bed。 Often I would find a great and fearful pleasure in stealing
over the grass； in the black shadow of the house； until I had
reached the hall window； where I would stand listening with bated
breath to the snoring of the boy； to Foka's gruntings （in the
belief that no one heard him）； and to the sound of his senile
voice as he drawled out the evening prayers。 At length even his
candle would be extinguished； and the window slammed down； so
that I would find myself utterly alone； whereupon； glancing
nervously from side to side； lest haply I should see the white
woman standing near a flower…bed or by my couch； I would run at
full speed back to the verandah。 Then； and only then； I would lie
down with my face to the garden； and； covering myself over； so
far as possible； from the mosquitos and bats； fall to gazing in
front of me as I listened to the sounds of the night and dreamed
of love and happiness。
At such times everything would take on for me a different
meaning。 The look of the old birch trees； with the one side of
their curling branches showing bright against the moonlit sky；
and the other darkening the bushes and carriage…drive with their
black shadows； the calm； rich glitter of the pond； ever swelling
like a sound； the moonlit sparkle of the dewdrops on the flowers
in front of the verandah； the graceful shadows of those flowers
where they lay thrown upon the grey stonework； the cry of a quail
on the far side of the pond； the voice of some one walking on the
high road； the quiet； scarcely audible scrunching of two old
birch trees against one another； the humming of a mosquito at my
car under the coverlet； the fall of an apple as it caught against
a branch and rustled among the dry leaves； the leapings of frogs
as