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though abashed and at fault before us； so I moved a little nearer
him； but Woloda only went on walking about the room with his head
down； and smoking。
〃So； my children； that is what your old father has planned to
do；〃 concluded Papareddening； coughing； and offering Woloda and
myself his hands。 Tears were in his eyes as he said this； and I
noticed； too； that the hand which he was holding out to Woloda
（who at that moment chanced to be at the other end of the room）
was shaking slightly。 The sight of that shaking hand gave me an
unpleasant shock； for I remembered that Papa had served in 1812；
and had been； as every one knew； a brave officer。 Seizing the
great veiny hand； I covered it with kisses； and he squeezed mine
hard in return。 Then； with a sob amid his tears； he suddenly
threw his arms around Lubotshka's dark head； and kissed her again
and again on the eyes。 Woloda pretended that he had dropped his
pipe； and； bending down； wiped his eyes furtively with the back
of his hand。 Then； endeavouring to escape notice； he left the
room。
XXXVI
THE UNIVERSITY
THE wedding was to take place in two weeks' time； but； as our
lectures had begun already； Woloda and myself were forced to
return to Moscow at the beginning of September。 The Nechludoffs
had also returned from the country； and Dimitri （with whom； on
parting； I had made an agreement that we should correspond
frequently with the result； of course； that we had never once
written to one another） came to see us immediately after our
arrival； and arranged to escort me to my first lecture on the
morrow。
It was a beautiful sunny day。 No sooner had I entered the
auditorium than I felt my personality entirely disappear amid the
swarm of light…hearted youths who were seething tumultuously
through every doorway and corridor under the influence of the
sunlight pouring through the great windows。 I found the sense of
being a member of this huge community very pleasing； yet there
were few among the throng whom I knew； and that only on terms of
a nod and a 〃How do you do； Irtenieff？〃
All around me men were shaking hands and chatting togetherfrom
every side came expressions of friendship； laughter； jests； and
badinage。 Everywhere I could feel the tie which bound this
youthful society in one； and everywhere； too； I could feel that
it left me out。 Yet this impression lasted for a moment only； and
was succeeded； together with the vexation which it had caused； by
the idea that it was best that I should not belong to that
society； but keep to my own circle of gentlemen； wherefore I
proceeded to seat myself upon the third bench； with； as neigh~
hours； Count B。； Baron Z。； the Prince R。； Iwin； and some other
young men of the same class with none of whom； however； was
acquainted save with Iwin and Count B。 Yet the look which these
young gentlemen threw at me at once made me feel that I was not
of their set； and I turned to observe what was going on around
me。 Semenoff； with grey； matted hair； white teeth； and tunic
flying open； was seated a little distance off； and leaning
forward on his elbows as he nibbled a pen； while the gymnasium
student who had come out first in the examinations had
established himself on the front bench； and； with a black stock
coming half…way up his cheek； was toying with the silver watch…
chain which adorned his satin waistcoat。 On a bench in a raised
part of the hall I could descry Ikonin （evidently he had
contrived to enter the University somehow！）； and hear him fussily
proclaiming； in all the glory of blue piped trousers which
completely hid his boots； that he was now seated on Parnassus。
Ilinkawho had surprised me by giving me a bow not only cold；
but supercilious； as though to remind me that here we were all
equalswas just in front of me； with his legs resting in free and
easy style on another bench （a hit； somehow I thought； at
myself）； and conversing with a student as he threw occasional
glances in my direction。 Iwin's set by my side were talking in
French； yet every word which I overheard of their conversation
seemed to me both stupid and incorrect （〃Ce n'est pas francais；〃
I thought to myself）； while all the attitudes； utterances； and
doings of Semenoff； Ilinka； and the rest struck me as uniformly
coarse； ungentlemanly； and 〃comme il ne faut pas。〃
Thus； attached to no particular set； I felt isolated and unable
to make friends； and so grew resentful。 One of the students on
the bench in front of me kept biting his nails； which were raw to
the quick already； and this so disgusted me that I edged away
from him。 In short； I remember finding my first day a most
depressing affair。
When the professor entered； and there was a general stir and a
cessation of chatter； I remember throwing a scornful glance at
him； as also that he began his discourse with a sentence which I
thought devoid of meaning。 I had expected the lecture to be； from
first to last； so clever that not a word ought to be taken from
or added to it。 Disappointed in this； I at once proceeded to draw
beneath the heading 〃First Lecture〃 with which I had adorned my
beautifully…bound notebook no less than eighteen faces in
profile； joined together in a sort of chaplet； and only
occasionally moved my hand along the page in order to give the
professor （who； I felt sure； must be greatly interested in me）
the impression that I was writing something。 In fact； at this
very first lecture I came to the decision which I maintained to
the end of my course； namely； that it was unnecessary； and even
stupid； to take down every word said by every professor。
At subsequent lectures； however； I did not feel my isolation so
strongly； since I made several acquaintances and got into the way
of shaking hands and entering into conversation。 Yet for some
reason or another no real intimacy ever sprang up between us； and
I often found myself depressed and only feigning cheerfulness。
With the set which comprised Iwin and 〃the aristocrats；〃 as they
were generally known； I could not make any headway at all； for；
as I now remember； I was always shy and churlish to them； and
nodded to them only when they nodded to me； so that they had
little inducement to desire my acquaintance。 With most of the
other students； however； this arose from quite a different cause。
As soon as ever I discerned friendliness on the part of a
comrade； I at once gave him to understand that I went to luncheon
with Prince Ivan Ivanovitch and kept my own drozhki。 All this I
said merely to show myself in the most favourable light in his
eyes； and to induce him to like me all the more； yet almost
invariably the only result of my communicating to him the
intelligence concerning the drozhki and my relationship to Prince
Ivan Ivanovitch was that； to my astonishment； he at once adopted
a cold and haughty bearing towards me。
Among us we had a Crown student named Operoffa very modest；
industrious； and clever young fellow； who always offered one his
hand like a slab of wood （that is to say； without closing his
fingers or making the slightest movement with them）； with the
result that his comrades often did the same to him in jest； and
called it the 〃deal board〃 way of shaking hands。 He and I nearly
always sat next to one another； and discussed matters generally。
In particular he pleased me with the freedom with which he would
criticise the professors as he pointed out to me with great
clearness and acumen the merits or demerits of their respective
ways of teaching and made occasional fun of them。 Such remarks I
found exceedingly striking and diverting when uttered in his
quiet； mincing voice。 Nevertheless he never let a lecture pass
without taking careful notes of it in his fine handwriting； and
eventually we decided to join forces； and to do our preparation
together。 Things had progressed to the point of his always
looking pleased when I took my usual seat beside him when；
unfortunately； I one day found it necessary to inform him that；
before her death； my mother had besought my father never to allow
us to enter for a government scholarship； as well as that I
myself considered Crown students； no matter how clever； to be…
〃well； they are not GENTLEMEN；〃 I concluded； though beginning to
flounder a little and grow red。 At the moment Operoff said
nothing； but at subsequent lectures he ceased to greet me or to
offer me his board…like hand； and never attempted to talk to me；
but； as soon as ever I sat down； he would lean his head upon his
arm； and purport to be absorbed in his notebooks。 I was surprised
at this sudden coolness； but looked upon it as infra dig； 〃pour
un jeune homme de bonne maison〃 to curry favour with a mere Crown
student of an Operoff； and so left him severely alonethough I
confess that his aloofness hurt my feelings。 On one occasion I
arrived before him； and； since the lecture was to be delivered by
a popular professo