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I put on my hat。 In fact； my curled and tonsured figure seemed to
me to look far worse than it had done before。 My only hope of
salvation lay in an affectation of untidiness。 Only in that guise
would my exterior resemble anything at all。 Woloda； apparently；
was of the same opinion； for he begged me to undo the curls； and
when I had done so and still looked unpresentable； he ceased to
regard me at all； but throughout the drive to the Kornakoffs
remained silent and depressed。
Nevertheless； I entered the Kornakoffs' mansion boldly enough； and
it was only when the Princess had invited me to dance； and I； for
some reason or another （though I had driven there with no other
thought in my head than to dance well）； had replied that I never
indulged in that pastime； that I began to blush； and； left
solitary among a crowd of strangers； became plunged in my usual
insuperable and ever…growing shyness。 In fact； I remained silent
on that spot almost the whole evening！
Nevertheless； while a waltz was in progress； one of the young
princesses came to me and asked me； with the sort of official
kindness common to all her family； why I was not dancing。 I can
remember blushing hotly at the question； but at the same time
feelingfor all my efforts to prevent ita self…satisfied smile
steal over my face as I began talking； in the most inflated and
long…winded French； such rubbish as even now； after dozens of
years； it shames me to recall。 It must have been the effect of
the music； which； while exciting my nervous sensibility； drowned
（as I supposed） the less intelligible portion of my utterances。
Anyhow； I went on speaking of the exalted company present； and of
the futility of men and women； until I had got myself into such a
tangle that I was forced to stop short in the middle of a word of
a sentence which I found myself powerless to conclude。
Even the worldly…minded young Princess was shocked by my conduct；
and gazed at me in reproach； whereat I burst out laughing。 At
this critical moment； Woloda； who had remarked that I was
conversing with great animation； and probably was curious to know
what excuses I was making for not dancing； approached us with
Dubkoff。 Seeing； however； my smiling face and the Princess's
frightened mien； as well as overhearing the appalling rubbish
with which I concluded my speech； he turned red in the face； and
wheeled round again。 The Princess also rose and left me。 I
continued to smile； but in such a state of agony from the
consciousness of my stupidity that I felt ready to sink into the
floor。 Likewise I felt that； come what might； I must move about
and say something； in order to effect a change in my position。
Accordingly I approached Dubkoff； and asked him if he had danced
many waltzes with her that night。 This I feigned to say in a gay
and jesting manner； yet in reality I was imploring help of the
very Dubkoff to whom I had cried 〃Hold your tongue！〃 on the
night of the matriculation dinner。 By way of answer； he made as
though he had not heard me； and turned away。 Next； I approached
Woloda； and said with an effort and in a similar tone of assumed
gaiety： 〃Hullo； Woloda！ Are you played out yet？〃 He merely looked
at me as much as to say； 〃You wouldn't speak to me like that if
we were alone；〃 and left me without a word； in the evident fear
that I might continue to attach myself to his person。
〃My God！ Even my own brother deserts me！〃 I thought to myself。
Yet somehow I had not the courage to depart； but remained
standing where I was until the very end of the evening。 At
length； when every one was leaving the room and crowding into the
hall； and a footman slipped my greatcoat on to my shoulders in
such a way as to tilt up my cap； I gave a dreary； half…lachrymose
smile； and remarked to no one in particular： 〃Comme c'est
gracieux！〃
XXXIX
THE STUDENTS' FEAST
NOTWITHSTANDING that； as yet； Dimitri's influence had kept me
from indulging in those customary students' festivities known as
kutezhi or 〃wines；〃 that winter saw me participate in such a
function； and carry away with me a not over…pleasant impression
of it。 This is how it came about。
At a lecture soon after the New Year； Baron Z。a tall； light…
haired young fellow of very serious demeanour and regular
featuresinvited us all to spend a sociable evening with him。 By
〃us all〃； I mean all the men more or less 〃comme il faut〃； of our
course； and exclusive of Grap； Semenoff； Operoff； and commoners
of that sort。 Woloda smiled contemptuously when he heard that I
was going to a 〃wine〃 of first course men； but I looked to derive
great and unusual pleasure from this； to me； novel method of
passing the time。 Accordingly； punctually at the appointed hour
of eight I presented myself at the Baron's。
Our host； in an open tunic and white waistcoat； received his
guests in the brilliantly lighted salon and drawing…room of the
small mansion where his parents livedthey having given up their
reception rooms to him for the evening for purposes of this
party。 In the corridor could be seen the heads and skirts of
inquisitive domestics； while in the dining…room I caught a
glimpse of a dress which I imagined to belong to the Baroness
herself。 The guests numbered a score； and were all of them
students except Herr Frost （in attendance upon Iwin） and a tall；
red…faced gentleman who was superintending the feast and who was
introduced to every one as a relative of the Baron's and a former
student of the University of Dorpat。 At first； the excessive
brilliancy and formal appointments of the reception…rooms had
such a chilling effect upon this youthful company that every one
involuntarily hugged the walls； except a few bolder spirits and
the ex…Dorpat student； who； with his waistcoat already
unbuttoned； seemed to be in every room； and in every corner of
every room； at once； and filled the whole place with his
resonant； agreeable； never…ceasing tenor voice。 The remainder of
the guests preferred either to remain silent or to talk in
discreet tones of professors； faculties； examinations； and other
serious and interesting matters。 Yet every one； without
exception； kept watching the door of the dining…room； and； while
trying to conceal the fact； wearing an expression which said：
〃Come！ It is time to begin。〃 I too felt that it was time to
begin； and awaited the beginning with pleasurable impatience。
After footmen had handed round tea among the guests； the Dorpat
student asked Frost in Russian：
〃Can you make punch； Frost？〃
〃Oh ja！〃 replied Frost with a joyful flourish of his heels； and
the other went on：
〃Then do you set about it〃 （they addressed each other in the
second person singular； as former comrades at Dorpat）。 Frost
accordingly departed to the dining…room； with great strides of
his bowed； muscular legs； and； after some walking backwards and
forwards； deposited upon the drawing…room table a large
punchbowl； accompanied by a ten…pound sugar loaf supported on
three students' swords placed crosswise。 Meanwhile； the Baron had
been going round among his guests as they sat regarding the
punch…bowl； and addressing them； with a face of immutable
gravity； in the formula： 〃I beg of you all to drink of this
loving…cup in student fashion； that there may be good…fellowship
among the members of our course。 Unbutton your waistcoats； or
take them off altogether； as you please。〃 Already the Dorpat
student had divested himself of his tunic and rolled up his
white shirt…sleeves above his elbows； and now； planting his
feet firmly apart； he proceeded to set fire to the rum in the
punch…bowl。
〃Gentlemen； put out the candles！〃 he cried with a sudden shout so
loud and insistent that we seemed all of us to be shouting at
once。 However； we still went on silently regarding the punch…bowl
and the white shirt of the Dorpat student； with a feeling that a
moment of great solemnity was approaching。
〃Put out the lights； Frost； I tell you！〃 the Dorpat student
shouted again。 Evidently the punch was now sufficiently burnt。
Accordingly every one helped to extinguish the candles； until the
room was in total darkness save for a spot where the white shirts
and hands of the three students supporting the sugarloaf on their
crossed swords were lit up by the lurid flames from the bowl。 Yet
the Dorpat student's tenor voice was not the only one to be
heard； for in different quarters of the room resounded chattering
and laughter。 Many had taken off their tunics （especially
students whose garments were of fine cloth and perfectly new）；
and I now did the same； with a consciousness that 〃IT〃 was
〃beginning。〃 There had been no great festivity as yet； but I felt
assured that things would go splendidly when once we had begun
drinking tumblers of the potion that was now in course of
preparation。
At length； the punch was ready； and the Dorpat student； with much
bespatter