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tokens of my wealth。 I felt guilty in their eyes； and as though；
whether I accepted or rejected their acquittal and took a line of
my own； I could never enter into equal and unaffected relations
with them。 Yet to such an extent did the stirring poetry of the
courage which I could detect in Zuchin （in particular） overshadow
the coarse； vicious side of his nature that the latter made no
unpleasant impression upon me。
For a couple of weeks I visited Zuchin's almost every night for
purposes of work。 Yet I did very little there； since； as I have
said； I had lost ground at the start； and； not having sufficient
grit in me to catch up my companions by solitary study； was
forced merely to PRETEND that I was listening to and taking in
all they were reading。 I have an idea； too； that they divined my
pretence； since I often noticed that they passed over points
which they themselves knew without first inquiring of me whether
I did the same。 Yet； day by day； I was coming to regard the
vulgarity of this circle with more indulgence； to feel
increasingly drawn towards its way of life； and to find in it
much that was poetical。 Only my word of honour to Dimitri that I
would never indulge in dissipation with these new comrades kept
me from deciding also to share their diversions。
Once； I thought I would make a display of my knowledge of
literature； particularly French literature； and so led the
conversation to that theme。 Judge； then； of my surprise when I
discovered that not only had my companions been reading the
foreign passages in Russian； but that they had studied far more
foreign works than I had； and knew and could appraise English；
and even Spanish； writers of whom I had never so much as heard！
Likewise； Pushkin and Zhukovski represented to them LITERATURE；
and not； as to myself； certain books in yellow covers which I had
once read and studied when a child。 For Dumas and Sue they had an
almost equal contempt； and； in general； were competent to form
much better and clearer judgments on literary matters than I was；
for all that I refused to recognise the fact。 In knowledge of
music； too； I could not beat them； and was astonished to find
that Operoff played the violin； and another student the cello
and piano； while both of them were members of the University
orchestra； and possessed a wide knowledge of and appreciation of
good music。 In short； with the exception of the French and German
languages； my companions were better posted at every point than I
was； yet not the least proud of the fact。 True； I might have
plumed myself on my position as a man of the world； but Woloda
excelled me even in that。 Wherein； then； lay the height from
which I presumed to look down upon these comrades？ In my
acquaintanceship with Prince Ivan Ivanovitch？ In my ability to
speak French？ In my drozhki？ In my linen shirt？ In my finger…
nails？ 〃Surely these things are all rubbish；〃 was the thought
which would come flitting through my head under the influence of
the envy which the good…fellowship and kindly； youthful gaiety
displayed around me excited in my breast。 Every one addressed his
interlocutor in the second person singular。 True； the familiarity
of this address almost approximated to rudeness； yet even the
boorish exterior of the speaker could not conceal a constant
endeavour never to hurt another one's feelings。 The terms 〃brute〃
or 〃swine；〃 when used in this good…natured fashion； only
convulsed me； and gave me cause for inward merriment。 In no way
did they offend the person addressed； or prevent the company at
large from remaining on the most sincere and friendly footing。 In
all their intercourse these youths were delicate and forbearing
in a way that only very poor and very young men can be。 However
much I might detect in Zuchin's character and amusements an
element of coarseness and profligacy； I could also detect the
fact that his drinking…bouts were of a very different order to
the puerility with burnt rum and champagne in which I had
participated at Baron Z。's。
XLIV
ZUCHIN AND SEMENOFF
Although I do not know what class of society Zuchin belonged to；
I know that； without the help either of means or social position；
he had matriculated from the Seventh Gymnasium。 At that time he
was eighteenthough he looked much olderand very clever；
especially in his powers of assimilation。 To him it was easier to
survey the whole of some complicated subject； to foresee its
various parts and deductions； than to use that knowledge； when
gained； for reasoning out the exact laws to which those
deductions were due。 He knew that he was clever； and of the fact
he was proud； yet from that very pride arose the circumstance that
he treated every one with unvarying simplicity and good…nature。
Moreover； his experience of life must have been considerable；
for already he had squandered much love； friendship； activity；
and money。 Though poor and moving only in the lower ranks of
society； there was nothing which he had ever attempted for
which he did not thenceforth feel the contempt； the indifference；
or the utter disregard which were bound to result from his
attaining his goal too easily。 In fact； the very ardour with
which he applied himself to a new pursuit seemed to be due
to his contempt for what he had already attained； since his
abilities always led him to success； and therefore to a certain
right to despise it。 With the sciences it was the same。 Though
little interested in them； and taking no notes； he knew
mathematics thoroughly； and was uttering no vain boast when he
said that he could beat the professor himself。 Much of what he
heard said in lectures he thought rubbish； yet with his peculiar
habit of unconsciously practical roguishness he feigned to
subscribe to all that the professors thought important； and every
professor adored him。 True； he was outspoken to the authorities；
but they none the less respected him。 Besides disliking and
despising the sciences； he despised all who laboured to attain
what he himself had mastered so easily； since the sciences； as he
understood them； did not occupy one…tenth part of his powers。 In
fact； life； as he saw it from the student's standpoint； contained
nothing to which he could devote himself wholly； and his
impetuous； active nature （as he himself often said） demanded life
complete： wherefore he frequented the drinking…bout in so far as
he could afford it； and surrendered himself to dissipation
chiefly out of a desire to get as far away from himself as
possible。 Consequently； just as the examinations were
approaching； Operoff's prophecy to me came true； for Zuchin
wasted two whole weeks in this fashion； and we had to do the
latter part of our preparation at another student's。 Yet at the
first examination he reappeared with pale； haggard face and
tremulous hands； and passed brilliantly into the second course！
The company of roisterers of which Zuchin had been the leader
since its formation at the beginning of the term consisted of
eight students； among whom； at first； had been numbered Ikonin
and Semenoff； but the former had left under the strain of the
continuous revelry in which the band had indulged in the early
part of the term； and the latter seceded later for reasons which
were never wholly explained。 In its early days this band had been
looked upon with awe by all the fellows of our course； and had
had its exploits much discussed。 Of these exploits the leading
heroes had been Zuchin and； towards the end of the term；
Semenoff； but the latter had come to be generally shunned； and to
cause disturbances on the rare occasions when he attended a
lecture。 Just before the examinations began； he rounded off his
drinking exploits in a most energetic and original fashion； as I
myself had occasion to witness （through my acquaintanceship with
Zuchin）。 This is how it was。 One evening we had just assembled at
Zuchin's； and Operoff； reinforcing a candlestick with a candle
stuck in a bottle； had just plunged his nose into his notebooks
and begun to read aloud in his thin voice from his neatly…written
notes on physics； when the landlady entered the room； and
informed Zuchin that some one had brought a note for him 。 。
。＇The remainder of this chapter is omitted in the original。＇
XLV
I COME TO GRIEF
At length the first examinationon differentials and integrals
drew near； but I continued in a vague state which precluded me
from forming any clear idea of what was awaiting me。 Every
evening； after consorting with Zuchin and the rest； the thought
would occur to me that there was something in my convictions
which I must change … something wrong and mistaken； yet every
morning the daylight would find me again satisfied to be 〃comme
il faut；〃 and desirous of no change whatsoever。
Such was the frame of mind in which I attended for the first
examination。 I seated myself on the bench where the princes；