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third。 On the strength of it I had begun to swagger a little； and
to think that； for all my youth； I was not to be despised。
From the first day of the examinations； I had heard every one
speak with awe of the Professor of Latin； who appeared to be some
sort of a wild beast who battened on the financial ruin of young
men （of those； that is to say； who paid their own fees） and spoke
only in the Greek and Latin tongues。 However； St。 Jerome； who had
coached me in Latin； spoke encouragingly； and I myself thought
that； since I could translate Cicero and certain parts of Horace
without the aid of a lexicon； I should do no worse than the rest。
Yet things proved otherwise。 All the morning the air had been
full of rumours concerning the tribulations of candidates who had
gone up before me： rumours of how one young fellow had been
accorded a nought； another one a single mark only； a third one
greeted with abuse and threatened with expulsion； and so forth。
Only Semenoff and the first gymnasium student had； as usual； gone
up quietly； and returned to their seats with five marks credited
to their names。 Already I felt a prescience of disaster when
Ikonin and myself found ourselves summoned to the little table at
which the terrible professor sat in solitary grandeur。
The terrible professor turned out to be a little thin； bilious…
looking man with hair long and greasy and a face expressive of
extraordinary sullenness。 Handing Ikonin a copy of Cicero's
Orations； he bid him translate。 To my great astonishment Ikonin
not only read off some of the Latin； but even managed to construe
a few lines to the professor's prompting。 At the same time；
conscious of my superiority over such a feeble companion； I could
not help smiling a little； and even looking rather contemptuous；
when it came to a question of analysis； and Ikonin； as on
previous occasions； plunged into a silence which promised never
to end。 I had hoped to please the professor by that knowing；
slightly sarcastic smile of mine； but； as a matter of fact； I
contrived to do quite the contrary。
〃Evidently you know better than he； since you are laughing；〃 he
said to me in bad Russian。 〃Well； we shall see。 Tell me the
answer； then。〃
Later I learnt that the professor was Ikonin's guardian； and that
Ikonin actually lived with him。 I lost no time in answering the
question in syntax which had been put to Ikonin； but the
professor only pulled a long face and turned away from me。
〃Well； your turn will come presently； and then we shall see how
much you know；〃 he remarked； without looking at me； but
proceeding to explain to Ikonin the point on which he had
questioned him。
〃That will do；〃 he added； and I saw him put down four marks to
Ikonin in his register。 〃Come！〃 I thought to myself。 〃He cannot
be so strict after all。〃
When Ikonin had taken his departure the professor spent fully
five minutesfive minutes which seemed to me five hoursin
setting his books and tickets in order； in blowing his nose； in
adjusting and sprawling about on his chair； in gazing down the
hall； and in looking here； there； and everywherein doing
everything； in fact； except once letting his eye rest upon me。
Yet even that amount of dissimulation did not seem to satisfy
him； for he next opened a book； and pretended to read it； for all
the world as though I were not there at all。 I moved a little
nearer him； and gave a cough。
〃Ah； yes！ You too； of course！ Well； translate me something；〃 he
remarked； handing me a book of some kind。 〃But no； you had better
take this；〃 and； turning over the leaves of a Horace； he
indicated to me a passage which I should never have imagined
possible of translation。
〃I have not prepared this；〃 I said。
〃Oh！ Then you only wish to answer things which you have got by
heart； do you？ Indeed？ No； no； translate me that。〃
I started to grope for the meaning of the passage； but each
questioning look which I threw at the professor was met by a
shake of the head； a profound sigh； and an exclamation of 〃No；
no！〃 Finally he banged the book to with such a snap that he
caught his finger between the covers。 Angrily releasing it； he
handed me a ticket containing questions in grammar； and； flinging
himself back in his chair； maintained a menacing silence。 I
should have tried to answer the questions had not the expression
of his face so clogged my tongue that nothing seemed to come from
it right。
〃No； no！ That's not it at all！〃 he suddenly exclaimed in his
horrible accent as he altered his posture to one of leaning
forward upon the table and playing with the gold signet…ring
which was nearly slipping from the little finger of his left
hand。 〃That is not the way to prepare for serious study； my good
sir。 Fellows like yourself think that； once they have a gown and
a blue collar to their backs； they have reached the summit of all
things and become students。 No； no； my dear sir。 A subject needs
to be studied FUNDAMENTALLY；〃 and so on； and so on。
During this speech （which was uttered with a clipped sort of
intonation） I went on staring dully at his lowered eyelids。
Beginning with a fear lest I should lose my place as third on the
list； I went on to fear lest I should pass at all。 Next； these
feelings became reinforced by a sense of injustice； injured self…
respect； and unmerited humiliation； while the contempt which I
felt for the professor as some one not quite （according to my
ideas） 〃comme il faut〃a fact which I deduced from the
shortness； strength； and roundness of his nailsflared up in me
more and more and turned all my other feelings to sheer
animosity。 Happening； presently； to glance at me； and to note my
quivering lips and tear…filled eyes； he seemed to interpret my
agitation as a desire to be accorded my marks and dismissed：
wherefore； with an air of relenting； he said （in the presence of
another professor who had just approached）：
〃Very well； I will accord you a 'pass'〃 （which signified two
marks）； 〃although you do not deserve it。 I do so simply out of
consideration for your youth； and in the hope that； when you
begin your University career； you will learn to be less light…
minded。〃
The concluding phrase； uttered in the hearing of the other
professor （who at once turned his eyes upon me； as though
remarking； 〃There！ You see； young man！〃） completed my
discomfiture。 For a moment； a mist swam before my eyesa mist in
which the terrible professor seemed to be far away； as he sat at
his table while for an instant a wild idea danced through my
brain。 〃What if I DID do such a thing？〃 I thought to myself。
〃What would come of it？〃 However； I did not do the thing in
question； but； on the contrary； made a bow of peculiar reverence
to each of the professors； and with a slight smile on my face
presumably the same smile as that with which I had derided
Ikoninturned away from the table。
This piece of unfairness affected me so powerfully at the time
that； had I been a free agent； I should have attended for no more
examinations。 My ambition was gone （since now I could not
possibly be third）； and I therefore let the other examinations
pass without any exertion； or even agitation； on my part。 In the
general list I still stood fourth； but that failed to interest
me； since I had reasoned things out to myself； and come to the
conclusion that to try for first place was stupideven 〃bad
form：〃 that； in fact； it was better to pass neither very well nor
very badly； as Woloda had done。 This attitude I decided to
maintain throughout the whole of my University career；
notwithstanding that it was the first point on which my opinion
had differed from that of my friend Dimitri。
Yet； to tell the truth； my thoughts were already turning towards
a uniform； a 〃mortar…board；〃 and the possession of a drozhki of
my own； a room of my own； and； above all； freedom of my own。 And
certainly the prospect had its charm。
XIII
I BECOME GROWN…UP
When； on May 8th； I returned home from the final； the divinity；
examination； I found my acquaintance； the foreman from
Rozonoff's； awaiting me。 He had called once before to fit me for
my gown； as well as for a tunic of glossy black cloth （the lapels
of which were； on that occasion； only sketched in chalk）； but to…
day he had come to bring me the clothes in their finished state；
with their gilt buttons wrapped in tissue paper。
Donning the garments； and finding them splendid （notwithstanding
that St。 Jerome assured me that the back of the tunic wrinkled
badly）； I went downstairs with a complacent smile which I was
powerless to banish from my face； and sought Woloda； trying the
while to affect unconsciousness of the admiring looks of the
servants； who came darting out of the hall and corridor to gaze
upon me with ravished eyes。 Gabriel； the butler； overtook me in
the salle； and； after congratulating me with much empresseme