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Before dinner I had call to go into the woodshed。 I heard a
scuttling as I opened the door。 If I am not mistaken； Miss Dorton
was hiding in the corner where we keep the coke。 I didn't see any
good in making a fuss； so I left her there。 When I got back to the
kitchen； cook asked me if we'd got any parsley。
〃You'll find a bit in the front；〃 I says； 〃to the left of the gate；〃
and she went out。 She came back looking scared。
〃Anybody keep goats round here？〃 she asked me。
〃Not that I know of； nearer than Ibstone Common；〃 I says。
〃I could have sworn I saw a goat's face looking at me out of the
gooseberry bushes while I was picking the parsley；〃 she says。 〃It
had a beard。〃
〃It's the half light；〃 I says。 〃One can imagine anything。〃
〃I do hope I'm not getting nervy；〃 she says。
I thought I'd have another look round； and made the excuse that I
wanted a pail of water。 I was stooping over the well； which is just
under the mulberry tree； when something fell close to me and lodged
upon the bricks。 It was a hairpin。 I fixed the cover carefully
upon the well in case of accident； and when I got in I went round
myself and was careful to see that all the curtains were drawn。
Just before we three sat down to dinner again I took cook aside。
〃I shouldn't go for any stroll in the garden to…night；〃 I says。
〃People from the village may be about； and we don't want them
gossiping。〃 And she thanked me。
Next night they were there again。 I thought I wouldn't spoil the
dinner； but mention it afterwards。 I saw to it again that the
curtains were drawn； and slipped the catch of both the doors。 And
just as well that I did。
I had always heard that Mr。 Parable was an amusing speaker； but on
previous visits had not myself noticed it。 But this time he seemed
ten years younger than I had ever known him before； and during
dinner； while we were talking and laughing quite merry like； I had
the feeling more than once that people were meandering about
outside。 I had just finished clearing away； and cook was making the
coffee； when there came a knock at the door。
〃Who's that？〃 says Mr。 Parable。 〃I am not at home to anyone。〃
〃I'll see；〃 I says。 And on my way I slipped into the kitchen。
〃Coffee for one； cook；〃 I says； and she understood。 Her cap and
apron were hanging behind the door。 I flung them across to her； and
she caught them； and then I opened the front door。
They pushed past me without speaking； and went straight into the
parlour。 And they didn't waste many words on him either。
〃Where is she？〃 asked Miss Bulstrode。
〃Where's who？〃 says Mr。 Parable。
〃Don't lie about it；〃 said Miss Bulstrode； making no effort to
control herself。 〃The hussy you've been dining with？〃
〃Do you mean Mrs。 Meadows？〃 says Mr。 Parable。
I thought she was going to shake him。
〃Where have you hidden her？〃 she says。
It was at that moment cook entered with the coffee。
If they had taken the trouble to look at her they might have had an
idea。 The tray was trembling in her hands； and in her haste and
excitement she had put on her cap the wrong way round。 But she kept
control of her voice； and asked if she should bring some more
coffee。
〃Ah； yes！ You'd all like some coffee； wouldn't you？〃 says Mr。
Parable。 Miss Bulstrode did not reply； but Mr。 Quincey said he was
cold and would like it。 It was a nasty night； with a thin rain。
〃Thank you； sir；〃 says cook； and we went out together。
Cottages are only cottages； and if people in the parlour persist in
talking loudly； people in the kitchen can't very well help
overhearing。
There was a good deal of talk about 〃fourteen days；〃 which Mr。
Parable said he was going to do himself； and which Miss Dorton said
he mustn't； because； if he did； it would be a victory for the
enemies of humanity。 Mr。 Parable said something about 〃humanity；〃
which I didn't rightly hear； but； whatever it was； it started Miss
Dorton crying； and Miss Bulstrode called Mr。 Parable a 〃blind
Samson；〃 who had had his hair cut by a designing minx who had been
hired to do it。
It was all French to me； but cook was drinking in every word； and
when she returned from taking them in their coffee she made no bones
about it； but took up her place at the door with her ear to the
keyhole。
It was Mr。 Quincey who got them all quiet； and then he began to
explain things。 It seemed that if they could only find a certain
gentleman and persuade him to come forward and acknowledge that he
began a row； that then all would be well。 Mr。 Quincey would be
fined forty shillings； and Mr。 Parable's name would never appear。
Failing that； Mr。 Parable； according to Mr。 Quincey； could do his
fourteen days himself。
〃I've told you once；〃 says Mr。 Parable； 〃and I tell you again； that
I don't know the man's name； and can't give it you。〃
〃We are not asking you to；〃 says Mr。 Quincey。 〃You give us the name
of your tango partner； and we'll do the rest。〃
I could see cook's face； I had got a bit interested myself； and we
were both close to the door。 She hardly seemed to be breathing。
〃I am sorry；〃 says Mr。 Parable； speaking very deliberate…like； 〃but
I am not going to have her name dragged into this business。〃
〃It wouldn't be；〃 says Mr。 Quincey。 〃All we want to get out of her
is the name and address of the gentleman who was so anxious to see
her home。〃
〃Who was he？〃 says Miss Bulstrode。 〃Her husband？〃
〃No；〃 says Mr。 Parable； 〃he wasn't。〃
〃Then who was he？〃 says Miss Bulstrode。 〃He must have been
something to herfiance？〃
〃I am going to do the fourteen days myself；〃 says Mr。 Parable。 〃I
shall come out all the fresher after a fortnight's complete rest and
change。〃
Cook leaves the door with a smile on her face that made her look
quite beautiful； and； taking some paper from the dresser drawer；
began to write a letter。
They went on talking in the other room for another ten minutes； and
then Mr。 Parable lets them out himself； and goes a little way with
them。 When he came back we could hear him walking up and down the
other room。
She had written and stamped the envelope； it was lying on the table。
〃'Joseph Onions； Esq。；'〃 I says； reading the address。 〃'Auctioneer
and House Agent； Broadway； Hammersmith。' Is that the young man？〃
〃That is the young man；〃 she says； folding her letter and putting it
in the envelope。
〃And was he your fiance？〃 I asked。
〃No；〃 she says。 〃But he will be if he does what I'm telling him to
do。〃
〃And what about Mr。 Parable？〃 I says。
〃A little joke that will amuse him later on；〃 she says； slipping a
cloak on her shoulders。 〃How once he nearly married his cook。〃
〃I shan't be a minute；〃 she says。 And； with the letter in her hand；
she slips out。
Mrs。 Meadows； we understand； has expressed indignation at our
publication of this interview； she being under the impression that
she was simply having a friendly gossip with a neighbour。 Our
representative； however； is sure he explained to Mrs。 Meadows that
his visit was official； and； in any case； our duty to the public
must be held to exonerate us from all blame in the matter。
* * *
Mr。 Joseph Onions； of the Broadway； Hammersmith； auctioneer and
house agent； expressed himself to our representative as most
surprised at the turn that events had subsequently taken。 The
letter that Mr。 Onions received from Miss Comfort Price was explicit
and definite。 It was to the effect that if he would call upon a
certain Mr。 Quincey； of Harcourt Buildings； Temple； and acknowledge
that it was he who began the row at the Earl's Court Exhibition on
the evening of the twenty…seventh； that then the engagement between
himself and Miss Price； hitherto unacknowledged by the lady； might
be regarded as a fact。
Mr。 Onions； who describes himself as essentially a business man；
decided before complying with Miss Price's request to take a few
preliminary steps。 As the result of judiciously conducted
inquiries； first at the Vine Street Police Station； and secondly at
Twickenham； Mr。 Onions arrived later in the day at Mr。 Quincey's
chambers； with； to use his own expression； all the cards in his
hand。 It was Mr。 Quincey who； professing himself unable to comply
with Mr。 Onion's suggestion； arranged the interview with Miss
Bulstrode。 And it was Miss Bulstrode herself who； on condition that
Mr。 Onions added to the undertaking the further condition that he
would marry Miss Price before the end of the month； offered to make
it two hundred。 It was in their joint interestMr。 Onions
regarding himself and Miss Price as now onethat Mr。 Onions
suggested her making it three； using such arguments as； under the
circumstances； naturally occurred to himas； for example； the
damage caused to the lady's reputation by the whole proceedings；
culminating in a night spent by the lady； according to her own
account； on Ham Common。 That the price demanded was reasonable Mr。
Onions considers as proved by Miss Bulstrode's eventual acceptance
of his terms。 That； having got out of him all that he wanted； Mr。
Quincey should have 〃considered it his duty〃 to communicate the
entire details of the transaction to Miss Price；