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＇How to avoid Everything。＇
〃They have now discovered； Mrs。 Wilkins；〃 I said； 〃the germ of old
age。 They are going to inoculate us for it in early youth； with the
result that the only chance of ever getting rid of our friends will
be to give them a motor…car。 And maybe it will not do to trust to
that for long。 They will discover that some men's tendency towards
getting themselves into trouble is due to some sort of a germ。 The
man of the future； Mrs。 Wilkins； will be inoculated against all
chance of gas explosions； storms at sea； bad oysters； and thin ice。
Science may eventually discover the germ prompting to ill…assorted
marriages； proneness to invest in the wrong stock； uncontrollable
desire to recite poetry at evening parties。 Religion； politics；
educationall these things are so much wasted energy。 To live happy
and good for ever and ever； all we have to do is to hunt out these
various germs and wring their necks for themor whatever the proper
treatment may be。 Heaven； I gather from medical science； is merely a
place that is free from germs。〃
〃We talk a lot about it；〃 thought Mrs。 Wilkins； 〃but it does not seem
to me that we are very much better off than before we took to
worrying ourselves for twenty…four 'ours a day about 'ow we are going
to live。 Lord！ to read the advertisements in the papers you would
think as 'ow flesh and blood was never intended to 'ave any natural
ills。 'Do you ever 'ave a pain in your back？' because； if so；
there's a picture of a kind gent who's willing for one and sixpence
halfpenny to take it quite away from youmake you look forward to
scrubbing floors； and standing over the wash…tub six 'ours at a
stretch like to a beanfeast。 'Do you ever feel as though you don't
want to get out of bed in the morning？' that's all to be cured by a
bottle of their stuffor two at the outside。 Four children to keep；
and a sick 'usband on your 'ands used to get me over it when I was
younger。 I used to fancy it was just because I was tired。
＇The one Cure…All。＇
〃There's some of them seem to think；〃 continued Mrs。 Wilkins； 〃that
if you don't get all you want out of this world； and ain't so 'appy
as you've persuaded yourself you ought to be； that it's all because
you ain't taking the right medicine。 Appears to me there's only one
doctor as can do for you； all the others talk as though they could；
and 'e only comes to each of us once； and then 'e makes no charge。〃
CHAPTER XIV
＇Europe and the bright American Girl。＇
〃How does she do it？〃
That is what the European girl wants to know。 The American girl！
She comes over here； and； as a British matron； reduced to slang by
force of indignation； once exclaimed to me： 〃You'd think the whole
blessed show belonged to her。〃 The European girl is hampered by her
relatives。 She has to account for her father： to explain away； if
possible； her grandfather。 The American girl sweeps them aside：
〃Don't you worry about them；〃 she says to the Lord Chamberlain。
〃It's awfully good of you； but don't you fuss yourself。 I'm looking
after my old people。 That's my department。 What I want you to do is
just to listen to what I am saying and then hustle around。 I can
fill up your time all right by myself。〃
Her father may be a soap…boiler； her grandmother may have gone out
charing。
〃That's all right；〃 she says to her Ambassador： 〃They're not coming。
You just take my card and tell the King that when he's got a few
minutes to spare I'll be pleased to see him。〃
And the extraordinary thing is that； a day or two afterwards； the
invitation arrives。
A modern writer has said that 〃I'm Murrican〃 is the Civis Romanus sum
of the present…day woman's world。 The late King of Saxony； did； I
believe； on one occasion make a feeble protest at being asked to
receive the daughter of a retail bootmaker。 The young lady；
nonplussed for the moment； telegraphed to her father in Detroit。 The
answer came back next morning： 〃Can't call it sellingpractically
giving them away。 See Advertisement。〃 The lady was presented as the
daughter of an eminent philanthropist。
It is due to her to admit that； taking her as a class； the American
girl is a distinct gain to European Society。 Her influence is
against convention and in favour of simplicity。 One of her greatest
charms； in the eyes of the European man； is that she listens to him。
I cannot say whether it does her any good。 Maybe she does not
remember it all； but while you are talking she does give you her
attention。 The English woman does not always。 She greets you
pleasantly enough：
〃I've so often wanted to meet you；〃 she says； 〃must you really go？〃
It strikes you as sudden： you had no intention of going for hours。
But the hint is too plain to be ignored。 You are preparing to agree
that you really must when； looking round； you gather that the last
remark was not addressed to you； but to another gentleman who is
shaking hands with her：
〃Now； perhaps we shall be able to talk for five minutes；〃 she says。
〃I've so often wanted to say that I shall never forgive you。 You
have been simply horrid。〃
Again you are confused； until you jump to the conclusion that the
latter portion of the speech is probably intended for quite another
party with whom； at the moment； her back towards you； she is engaged
in a whispered conversation。 When he is gone she turns again to you。
But the varied expressions that pass across her face while you are
discussing with her the disadvantages of Protection； bewilder you。
When； explaining your own difficulty in arriving at a conclusion； you
remark that Great Britain is an island； she roguishly shakes her
head。 It is not that she has forgotten her geography； it is that she
is conducting a conversation by signs with a lady at the other end of
the room。 When you observe that the working classes must be fed； she
smiles archly while murmuring：
〃Oh； do you really think so？〃
You are about to say something strong on the subject of dumping。
Apparently she has disappeared。 You find that she is reaching round
behind you to tap a new arrival with her fan。
＇She has the Art of Listening。＇
Now； the American girl looks at you； and just listens to you with her
eyes fixed on you all the time。 You gather that； as far as she is
concerned； the rest of the company are passing shadows。 She wants to
hear what you have to say about Bi…metallism： her trouble is lest
she may miss a word of it。 From a talk with an American girl one
comes away with the conviction that one is a brilliant
conversationalist； who can hold a charming woman spell…bound。 This
may not be good for one： but while it lasts； the sensation is
pleasant。
Even the American girl cannot； on all occasions； sweep from her path
the cobwebs of old…world etiquette。 Two American ladies told me a
sad tale of things that had happened to them not long ago in Dresden。
An officer of rank and standing invited them to breakfast with him on
the ice。 Dames and nobles of the plus haut ton would be there。 It
is a social function that occurs every Sunday morning in Dresden
during the skating season。 The great lake in the Grosser Garten is
covered with all sorts and conditions of people。 Prince and commoner
circle and recircle round one another。 But they do not mix。 The
girls were pleased。 They secured the services of an elderly lady；
the widow of an analytical chemist： unfortunately； she could not
skate。 They wrapped her up and put her in a sledge。 While they were
in the garde robe putting on their skates； a German gentleman came up
and bowed to them。
He was a nice young man of prepossessing appearance and amiable
manners。 They could not call to mind his name； but remembered having
met him； somewhere； and on more than one occasion。 The American girl
is always sociable： they bowed and smiled； and said it was a fine
day。 He replied with volubility； and helped them down on to the ice。
He was really most attentive。 They saw their friend； the officer of
noble family； and； with the assistance of the German gentleman；
skated towards him。 He glided past them。 They thought that maybe he
did not know enough to stop； so they turned and skated after him。
They chased him three times round the pond and then； feeling tired；
eased up and took counsel together。
〃I'm sure he must have seen us；〃 said the younger girl。 〃What does
he mean by it？〃
〃Well； I have not come down here to play forfeits；〃 said the other；
〃added to which I want my breakfast。 You wait here a minute； I'll go
and have it out with him。〃
He was standing only a dozen yards away。 Alone； though not a good
performer on the ice； she contrived to cover half the distance
dividing them。 The officer； perceiving her； came to her assistance
and greeted her with effusion。
＇The Republican Idea in practice。＇
〃Oh；〃 said the lady； who was feeling indignant； 〃I thought maybe you
had left your glasses at home。〃
〃I am sorry；〃 said the officer； 〃but it is impossible。〃
〃What's impossible？〃 demanded the lady。
〃That I can b