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For the first time since his birth； Mr。 Idle found himself confined to his
bed for many weeks together； wasted and worn by a long illness； of which
his own disastrous muscular exertion had been the sole first cause。
The third occasion on which Thomas found reason to reproach himself
bitterly for the mistake of having attempted to be industrious； was
connected with his choice of a calling in life。 Having no interest in the
Church； he appropriately selected the next best profession for a lazy man
in England … the Bar。 Although the Benchers of the Inns of Court have
lately abandoned their good old principles； and oblige their students to
make some show of studying； in Mr。 Idle's time no such innovation as this
existed。 Young men who aspired to the honourable title of barrister were；
very properly； not asked to learn anything of the law； but were merely
required to eat a certain number of dinners at the table of their Hall； and to
pay a certain sum of money； and were called to the Bar as soon as they
could prove that they had sufficiently complied with these extremely
sensible regulations。 Never did Thomas move more harmoniously in
concert with his elders and betters than when he was qualifying himself
for admission among the barristers of his native country。 Never did he
feel more deeply what real laziness was in all the serene majesty of its
nature； than on the memorable day when he was called to the Bar； after
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having carefully abstained from opening his law…books during his period
of probation； except to fall asleep over them。 How he could ever again
have become industrious； even for the shortest period； after that great
reward conferred upon his idleness； quite passes his comprehension。 The
kind Benchers did everything they could to show him the folly of exerting
himself。 They wrote out his probationary exercise for him； and never
expected him even to take the trouble of reading it through when it was
written。 They invited him； with seven other choice spirits as lazy as
himself； to come and be called to the Bar； while they were sitting over
their wine and fruit after dinner。 They put his oaths of allegiance； and his
dreadful official denunciations of the Pope and the Pretender； so gently
into his mouth； that he hardly knew how the words got there。 They
wheeled all their chairs softly round from the table； and sat surveying the
young barristers with their backs to their bottles； rather than stand up； or
adjourn to hear the exercises read。 And when Mr。 Idle and the seven
unlabouring neophytes； ranged in order； as a class； with their backs
considerately placed against a screen； had begun； in rotation； to read the
exercises which they had not written； even then； each Bencher； true to the
great lazy principle of the whole proceeding； stopped each neophyte
before he had stammered through his first line； and bowed to him； and told
him politely that he was a barrister from that moment。 This was all the
ceremony。 It was followed by a social supper； and by the presentation； in
accordance with ancient custom； of a pound of sweetmeats and a bottle of
Madeira； offered in the way of needful refreshment； by each grateful
neophyte to each beneficent Bencher。 It may seem inconceivable that
Thomas should ever have forgotten the great do…nothing principle instilled
by such a ceremony as this； but it is； nevertheless； true； that certain
designing students of industrious habits found him out； took advantage of
his easy humour； persuaded him that it was discreditable to be a barrister
and to know nothing whatever about the law； and lured him； by the force
of their own evil example； into a conveyancer's chambers； to make up for
lost time； and to qualify himself for practice at the Bar。 After a fortnight
of self…delusion； the curtain fell from his eyes； he resumed his natural
character； and shut up his books。 But the retribution which had hitherto
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always followed his little casual errors of industry followed them still。 He
could get away from the conveyancer's chambers； but he could not get
away from one of the pupils； who had taken a fancy to him； … a tall； serious；
raw…boned； hard…working； disputatious pupil； with ideas of his own about
reforming the Law of Real Property； who has been the scourge of Mr。
Idle's existence ever since the fatal day when he fell into the mistake of
attempting to study the law。 Before that time his friends were all sociable
idlers like himself。 Since that time the burden of bearing with a hard…
working young man has become part of his lot in life。 Go where he will
now； he can never feel certain that the raw…boned pupil is not
affectionately waiting for him round a corner； to tell him a little more
about the Law of Real Property。 Suffer as he may under the infliction； he
can never complain； for he must always remember； with unavailing regret；
that he has his own thoughtless industry to thank for first exposing him to
the great social calamity of knowing a bore。
These events of his past life； with the significant results that they
brought about； pass drowsily through Thomas Idle's memory； while he lies
alone on the sofa at Allonby and elsewhere； dreaming away the time
which his fellow…apprentice gets through so actively out of doors。
Remembering the lesson of laziness which his past disasters teach； and
bearing in mind also the fact that he is crippled in one leg because he
exerted himself to go up a mountain； when he ought to have known that
his proper course of conduct was to stop at the bottom of it； he holds now；
and will for the future firmly continue to hold； by his new resolution never
to be industrious again； on any pretence whatever； for the rest of his life。
The physical results of his accident have been related in a previous chapter。
The moral results now stand on record； and； with the enumeration of these；
that part of the present narrative which is occupied by the Episode of The
Sprained Ankle may now perhaps be considered； in all its aspects； as
finished and complete。
'How do you propose that we get through this present afternoon and
evening？' demanded Thomas Idle； after two or three hours of the foregoing
reflections at Allonby。
Mr。 Goodchild faltered； looked out of window； looked in again； and
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said； as he had so often said before； 'There is the sea； and here are the
shrimps； … let us eat 'em'！'
But； the wise donkey was at that moment in the act of bolting： not
with the irresolution of his previous efforts which had been wanting in
sustained force of character； but with real vigour of purpose： shaking the
dust off his mane and hind…feet at Allonby； and tearing away from it； as if
he had nobly made up his mind that he never would be taken alive。 At
sight of this inspiring spectacle； which was visible from his sofa； Thomas
Idle stretched his neck and dwelt upon it rapturously。
'Francis Goodchild；' he then said； turning to his companion with a
solemn air； 'this is a delightful little Inn； excellently kept by the most
comfortable of landladies and the most attentive of landlords； but … the
donkey's right！'
The words； 'There is the sea； and here are the … ' again trembled on the
lips of Goodchild； unaccompanied however by any sound。
'Let us instantly pack the portmanteaus；' said Thomas Idle； 'pay the bill；
and order a fly out； with instructions