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went so far as to give them the latitude of that namewould come into their intercourse。 All this naturally was a sign of how much he took the intercourse itself for granted。 There was nothing more to be done about that。 It simply existed； had sprung into being with her first penetrating question to him in the autumn light there at Weatherend。 The real form it should have taken on the basis that stood out large was the form of their marrying。 But the devil in this was that the very basis itself put marrying out of the question。 His conviction； his apprehension； his obsession； in short； wasn't a privilege he could invite a woman to share； and that consequence of it was precisely what was the matter with him。 Something or other lay in wait for him； amid the twists and the turns of the months and the years； like a crouching Beast in the Jungle。 It signified little whether the crouching Beast were destined to slay him or to be slain。 The definite point was the inevitable spring of the creature； and the definite lesson from that was that a man of feeling didn't cause himself to be accompanied by a lady on a tiger…hunt。 Such was the image under which he had ended by figuring his life。
They had at first； none the less； in the scattered hours spent together； made no allusion to that view of it； which was a sign he was handsomely alert to give that he didn't expect； that he in fact didn't care； always to be talking about it。 Such a feature in one's outlook was really like a hump on one's back。 The difference it made every minute of the day existed quite independently of discussion。 One discussed of course LIKE a hunchback； for there was always； if nothing else； the hunchback face。 That remained； and she was watching him； but people watched best； as a general thing； in silence； so that such would be predominantly the manner of their vigil。 Yet he didn't want； at the same time； to be tense and solemn； tense and solemn was what he imagined he too much showed for with other people。 The thing to be； with the one person who knew； was easy and naturalto make the reference rather than be seeming to avoid it； to avoid it rather than be seeming to make it； and to keep it； in any case； familiar； facetious even； rather than pedantic and portentous。 Some such consideration as the latter was doubtless in his mind for instance when he wrote pleasantly to Miss Bartram that perhaps the great thing he had so long felt as in the lap of the gods was no more than this circumstance； which touched him so nearly； of her acquiring a house in London。 It was the first allusion they had yet again made； needing any other hitherto so little； but when she replied； after having given him the news； that she was by no means satisfied with such a trifle as the climax to so special a suspense； she almost set him wondering if she hadn't even a larger conception of singularity for him than he had for himself。 He was at all events destined to become aware little by little； as time went by； that she was all the while looking at his life； judging it； measuring it； in the light of the thing she knew； which grew to be at last； with the consecration of the years； never mentioned between them save as 〃the real truth〃 about him。 That had always been his own form of reference to it； but she adopted the form so quietly that； looking back at the end of a period； he knew there was no moment at which it was traceable that she had； as he might say； got inside his idea； or exchanged the attitude of beautifully indulging for that of still more beautifully believing him。
It was always open to him to accuse her of seeing him but as the most harmless of maniacs； and this； in the long runsince it covered so much groundwas his easiest description of their friendship。 He had a screw loose for her but she liked him in spite of it and was practically； against the rest of the world； his kind wise keeper； unremunerated but fairly amused and； in the absence of other near ties； not disreputably occupied。 The rest of the world of course thought him queer； but she； she only； knew how； and above all why； queer； which was precisely what enabled her to dispose the concealing veil in the right folds。 She took his gaiety from himsince it had to pass with them for gaietyas she took everything else； but she certainly so far justified by her unerring touch his finer sense of the degree to which he had ended by convincing her。 SHE at least never spoke of the secret of his life except as 〃the real truth about you；〃 and she had in fact a wonderful way of making it seem； as such； the secret of her own life too。 That was in fine how he so constantly felt her as allowing for him； he couldn't on the whole call it anything else。 He allowed for himself； but she； exactly； allowed still more； partly because； better placed for a sight of the matter； she traced his unhappy perversion through reaches of its course into which he could scarce follow it。 He knew how he felt； but； besides knowing that； she knew how he looked as well； he knew each of the things of importance he was insidiously kept from doing； but she could add up the amount they made； understand how much； with a lighter weight on his spirit； he might have done； and thereby establish how； clever as he was； he fell short。 Above all she was in the secret of the difference between the forms he went throughthose of his little office under Government； those of caring for his modest patrimony； for his library； for his garden in the country； for the people in London whose invitations he accepted and repaidand the detachment that reigned beneath them and that made of all behaviour； all that could in the least be called behaviour； a long act of dissimulation。 What it had come to was that he wore a mask painted with the social simper； out of the eye…holes of which there looked eyes of an expression not in the least matching the other features。 This the stupid world； even after years； had never more than half discovered。 It was only May Bartram who had； and she achieved； by an art indescribable； the feat of at onceor perhaps it was only alternatelymeeting the eyes from in front and mingling her own vision； as from over his shoulder； with their peep through the apertures。
So while they grew older together she did watch with him； and so she let this association give shape and colour to her own existence。 Beneath HER forms as well detachment had learned to sit； and behaviour had become for her； in the social sense； a false account of herself。 There was but one account of her that would have been true all the while and that she could give straight to nobody； least of all to John Marcher。 Her whole attitude was a virtual statement； but the perception of that only seemed called to take its place for him as one of the many things necessarily crowded out of his consciousness。 If she had moreover； like himself； to make sacrifices to their real truth； it was to be granted that her compensation might have affected her as more prompt and more natural。 They had long periods； in this London time； during which； when they were together； a stranger might have listened to them without in the least pricking up his ears； on the other hand the real truth was equally liable at any moment to rise to the surface； and the auditor would then have wondered indeed what they were talking about。 They had from an early hour made up their mind that society was； luckily； unintelligent； and the margin allowed them by this had fairly become one of their commonplaces。 Yet there were still moments when the situation turned almost freshusually under the effect of some expression drawn from herself。 Her expressions doubtless repeated themselves； but her intervals were generous。 〃What saves us； you know； is that we answer so completely to so usual an appearance： that of the man and woman whose friendship has become such a daily habitor almostas to be at last indispensable。〃 That for instance was a remark she had frequently enough had occasion to make； though she had given it at different times different developments。 What we are especially concerned with is the turn it happened to take from her one afternoon when he had come to see her in honour of her birthday。 This anniversary had fallen on a Sunday； at a season of thick fog and general outward gloom； but he had brought her his customary offering； having known her now long enough to have established a hundred small traditions。 It was one of his proofs to himself； the present he made her on her birthday； that he hadn't sunk into real selfishness。 It was mostly nothing more than a small trinket； but it was always fine of its kind； and he was regularly careful to pay for it more than he thought he could afford。 〃Our habit saves you； at least； don't you see？〃 because it makes you； after all； for the vulgar； indistinguishable from other men。 What's the most inveterate mark of men in general？ Why the capacity to spend endless time with dull womento spend it I won't say without being bored； but without minding that they are； without being driven off at a tangent by it； which comes to the same thing。 I'm your dull woman； a part of the daily bread for which you pray at church。 That covers your tracks more than anything。〃
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