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but in the scantiest measuresuch； soon enough； as things went with him； became the inference with which his old obsession had to reckon： and this it was not helped to do by the more and more confirmed appearance that the great vagueness casting the long shadow in which he had lived had； to attest itself； almost no margin left。 Since it was in Time that he was to have met his fate； so it was in Time that his fate was to have acted； and as he waked up to the sense of no longer being young； which was exactly the sense of being stale； just as that； in turn； was the sense of being weak； he waked up to another matter beside。 It all hung together； they were subject； he and the great vagueness； to an equal and indivisible law。 When the possibilities themselves had accordingly turned stale； when the secret of the gods had grown faint； had perhaps even quite evaporated； that； and that only； was failure。 It wouldn't have been failure to be bankrupt； dishonoured； pilloried； hanged； it was failure not to be anything。 And so； in the dark valley into which his path had taken its unlooked…for twist； he wondered not a little as he groped。 He didn't care what awful crash might overtake him； with what ignominy or what monstrosity he might yet he associatedsince he wasn't after all too utterly old to sufferif it would only be decently proportionate to the posture he had kept； all his life； in the threatened presence of it。 He had but one desire leftthat he shouldn't have been 〃sold。〃
CHAPTER IV
Then it was that； one afternoon； while the spring of the year was young and new she met all in her own way his frankest betrayal of these alarms。 He had gone in late to see her； but evening hadn't settled and she was presented to him in that long fresh light of waning April days which affects us often with a sadness sharper than the greyest hours of autumn。 The week had been warm； the spring was supposed to have begun early； and May Bartram sat； for the first time in the year； without a fire； a fact that； to Marcher's sense； gave the scene of which she formed part a smooth and ultimate look； an air of knowing； in its immaculate order and cold meaningless cheer； that it would never see a fire again。 Her own aspecthe could scarce have said whyintensified this note。 Almost as white as wax； with the marks and signs in her face as numerous and as fine as if they had been etched by a needle； with soft white draperies relieved by a faded green scarf on the delicate tone of which the years had further refined； she was the picture of a serene and exquisite but impenetrable sphinx； whose head； or indeed all whose person； might have been powdered with silver。 She was a sphinx； yet with her white petals and green fronds she might have been a lily tooonly an artificial lily； wonderfully imitated and constantly kept； without dust or stain； though not exempt from a slight droop and a complexity of faint creases； under some clear glass bell。 The perfection of household care； of high polish and finish； always reigned in her rooms； but they now looked most as if everything had been wound up； tucked in； put away； so that she might sit with folded hands and with nothing more to do。 She was 〃out of it；〃 to Marcher's vision； her work was over； she communicated with him as across some gulf or from some island of rest that she had already reached； and it made him feel strangely abandoned。 Was itor rather wasn't itthat if for so long she had been watching with him the answer to their question must have swum into her ken and taken on its name； so that her occupation was verily gone？ He had as much as charged her with this in saying to her； many months before； that she even then knew something she was keeping from him。 It was a point he had never since ventured to press； vaguely fearing as he did that it might become a difference； perhaps a disagreement； between them。 He had in this later time turned nervous； which was what he in all the other years had never been； and the oddity was that his nervousness should have waited till he had begun to doubt； should have held off so long as he was sure。 There was something； it seemed to him； that the wrong word would bring down on his head； something that would so at least ease off his tension。 But he wanted not to speak the wrong word； that would make everything ugly。 He wanted the knowledge he lacked to drop on him； if drop it could； by its own august weight。 If she was to forsake him it was surely for her to take leave。 This was why he didn't directly ask her again what she knew； but it was also why； approaching the matter from another side； he said to her in the course of his visit： 〃What do you regard as the very worst that at this time of day CAN happen to me？〃
He had asked her that in the past often enough； they had； with the odd irregular rhythm of their intensities and avoidances； exchanged ideas about it and then had seen the ideas washed away by cool intervals； washed like figures traced in sea…sand。 It had ever been the mark of their talk that the oldest allusions in it required but a little dismissal and reaction to come out again； sounding for the hour as new。 She could thus at present meet his enquiry quite freshly and patiently。 〃Oh yes； I've repeatedly thought； only it always seemed to me of old that I couldn't quite make up my mind。 I thought of dreadful things； between which it was difficult to choose； and so must you have done。〃
〃Rather！ I feel now as if I had scarce done anything else。 I appear to myself to have spent my life in thinking of nothing but dreadful things。 A great many of them I've at different times named to you； but there were others I couldn't name。〃
〃They were too； too dreadful？〃
〃Too； too dreadfulsome of them。〃
She looked at him a minute； and there came to him as he met it； an inconsequent sense that her eyes； when one got their full clearness； were still as beautiful as they had been in youth； only beautiful with a strange cold lighta light that somehow was a part of the effect； if it wasn't rather a part of the cause； of the pale hard sweetness of the season and the hour。 〃And yet；〃 she said at last； 〃there are horrors we've mentioned。〃
It deepened the strangeness to see her； as such a figure in such a picture； talk of 〃horrors；〃 but she was to do in a few minutes something stranger yetthough even of this he was to take the full measure but afterwardsand the note of it already trembled。 It was； for the matter of that； one of the signs that her eyes were having again the high flicker of their prime。 He had to admit； however； what she said。 〃Oh yes； there were times when we did go far。〃 He caught himself in the act of speaking as if it all were over。 Well； he wished it were； and the consummation depended for him clearly more and more on his friend。
But she had now a soft smile。 〃Oh far！〃
It was oddly ironic。 〃Do you mean you're prepared to go further？〃
She was frail and ancient and charming as she continued to look at him； yet it was rather as if she had lost the thread。 〃Do you consider that we went far？〃
〃Why I thought it the point you were just makingthat we HAD looked most things in the face。〃
〃Including each other？〃 She still smiled。 〃But you're quite right。 We've had together great imaginations； often great fears； but some of them have been unspoken。〃
〃Then the worstwe haven't faced that。 I COULD face it； I believe； if I knew what you think it。 I feel；〃 he explained； 〃as if I had lost my power to conceive such things。〃 And he wondered if he looked as blank as he sounded。 〃It's spent。〃
〃Then why do you assume；〃 she asked； 〃that mine isn't？〃
〃Because you've given me signs to the contrary。 It isn't a question for you of conceiving； imagining； comparing。 It isn't a question now of choosing。〃 At last he came out with it。 〃You know something I don't。 You've shown me that before。〃
These last words had affected her； he made out in a moment； exceedingly； and she spoke with firmness。 〃I've shown you； my dear； nothing。〃
He shook his head。 〃You can't hide it。〃
〃Oh； oh！〃 May Bartram sounded over what she couldn't hide。 It was almost a smothered groan。
〃You admitted it months ago； when I spoke of it to you as of something you were afraid I should find out。 Your answer was that I couldn't； that I wouldn't； and I don't pretend I have。 But you had something therefore in mind； and I see now how it must have been； how it still is； the possibility that； of all possibilities； has settled itself for you as the worst。 This；〃 he went on； 〃is why I appeal to you。 I'm only afraid of ignorance to…dayI'm not afraid of knowledge。〃 And then as for a while she said nothing： 〃What makes me sure is that I see in your face and feel here； in this air and amid these appearances； that you're out of it。 You've done。 You've had your experience。 You leave me to my fate。〃
Well； she listened； motionless and white in her chair； as on a decision to be made； so that her manner was fairly an avowal； though still； with a small fine inner stiffness； an imperfect surrender。 〃It WOULD be the worst；〃 she finally let herself say。 〃I mean the thing I've never said。〃
It hushed him a moment。 〃More monstrous than all the monstr