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Burlesques
by William Makepeace Thackeray
CONTENTS
NOTES BY EMINENT HANDS。
George de Barnwell。 By Sir E。 L。 B。 L。； Bart。
Codlingsby。 By D。 Shrewsberry； Esq。
Phil Fogarty。 A Tale of the Fighting Onety…Oneth。 By Harry
Rollicker
Barbazure。 By G。 P。 R。 Jeames； Esq。； etc。
Lords and Liveries。 By the Authoress of 〃Dukes and Dejeuners；〃
〃Hearts and Diamonds；〃 〃Marchionesses and Milliners；〃 etc。； etc。
Crinoline。 By Je…mes Pl…sh； Esq。
The Stars and Stripes。 By the Author of 〃The Last of the
Mulligans；〃 〃Pilot；〃 etc。
A Plan for a Prize Novel
THE DIARY OF C。 JEAMES DE LA PLUCHE； ESQ。； WITH HIS LETTERS。
A Lucky Speculator
The Diary
Jeames on Time Bargings
Jeames on the Gauge Question
Mr。 Jeames Again
THE TREMENDOUS ADVENTURES OF MAJOR GAHAGAN。
I。 〃Truth is Strange； Stranger than Fiction〃
II。 Allyghur and Laswaree
III。 A Peep into Spain。Account of the Origin and Services of the
Ahmednuggar Irregulars
IV。 The Indian Campthe Sortie from the Fort
V。 The Issue of my Interview with my Wife
VI。 Famine in the Garrison
VII。 The Escape
VIII。 The Captive
IX。 Surprise of Futtyghur
A LEGEND OF THE RHINE。
I。 Sir Ludwig of Hombourg
II。 The Godesbergers
III。 The Festival
IV。 The Flight
V。 The Traitor's Doom
VI。 The Confession
VII。 The Sentence
VIII。 The Childe of Godesberg
IX。 The Lady of Windeck
X。 The Battle of the Bowmen
XI。 The Martyr of Love
XII。 The Champion
XIII。 The Marriage
REBECCA AND ROWENA； A ROMANCE UPON ROMANCE。
CHAPTER
I。 The OvertureCommencement of the Business
II。 The Last Days of the Lion
III。 St。 George for England
IV。 Ivanhoe Redivivus
V。 Ivanhoe to the Rescue
VI。 Ivanhoe the Widower
VII。 The End of the Performance
THE HISTORY OF THE NEXT FRENCH REVOLUTION。
I。
II。 Henry V。 and Napoleon III
III。 The Advance of the PretendersHistorical Review
IV。 The Battle of Rheims
V。 The Battle of Tours
VI。 The English under Jenkins
VII。 The Leaguer of Paris
VIII。 The Battle of the Forts
IX。 Louis XVII
COX'S DIARY。
The Announcement
First Rout
A Day with the Surrey Hounds
The Finishing Touch
A New Drop…Scene at the Opera
Striking a Balance
Down at Beulah
A Tournament
Over…Boarded and Under…Lodged
Notice to Quit
Law Life Assurance
Family Bustle
NOVELS BY EMINENT HANDS。
GEORGE DE BARNWELL
BY SIR E。 L。 B。 L。； BART。
VOL I。
In the Morning of Life the Truthful wooed the Beautiful； and their
offspring was Love。 Like his Divine parents； He is eternal。 He
has his Mother's ravishing smile； his Father's steadfast eyes。 He
rises every day； fresh and glorious as the untired Sun…God。 He is
Eros； the ever young。 Dark； dark were this world of ours had
either Divinity left itdark without the day…beams of the Latonian
Charioteer； darker yet without the daedal Smile of the God of the
Other Bow！ Dost know him； reader？
Old is he； Eros； the ever young。 He and Time were children
together。 Chronos shall die； too； but Love is imperishable。
Brightest of the Divinities； where hast thou not been sung？ Other
worships pass away； the idols for whom pyramids were raised lie in
the desert crumbling and almost nameless； the Olympians are fled；
their fanes no longer rise among the quivering olive…groves of
Ilissus； or crown the emerald…islets of the amethyst Aegean！ These
are gone； but thou remainest。 There is still a garland for thy
temple； a heifer for thy stone。 A heifer？ Ah； many a darker
sacrifice。 Other blood is shed at thy altars； Remorseless One； and
the Poet Priest who ministers at thy Shrine draws his auguries from
the bleeding hearts of men！
While Love hath no end； Can the Bard ever cease singing？ In Kingly
and Heroic ages； 'twas of Kings and Heroes that the Poet spake。
But in these； our times； the Artisan hath his voice as well as the
Monarch。 The people To…Day is King； and we chronicle his woes； as
They of old did the sacrifice of the princely Iphigenia； or the
fate of the crowned Agamemnon。
Is Odysseus less august in his rags than in his purple？ Fate；
Passion； Mystery； the Victim； the Avenger； the Hate that harms； the
Furies that tear； the Love that bleeds； are not these with us
Still？ are not these still the weapons of the Artist？ the colors of
his palette？ the chords of his lyre？ Listen！ I tell thee a tale
not of Kingsbut of Mennot of Thrones； but of Love； and Grief；
and Crime。 Listen； and but once more。 'Tis for the last time
（probably） these fingers shall sweep the strings。
E。 L。 B。 L。
NOONDAY IN CHEPE。
'Twas noonday in Chepe。 High Tide in the mighty River City！its
banks wellnigh overflowing with the myriad…waved Stream of Man！
The toppling wains； bearing the produce of a thousand marts； the
gilded equipage of the Millionary； the humbler； but yet larger
vehicle from the green metropolitan suburbs （the Hanging Gardens of
our Babylon）； in which every traveller might； for a modest
remuneration； take a republican seat； the mercenary caroche； with
its private freight； the brisk curricle of the letter…carrier；
robed in royal scarlet： these and a thousand others were laboring
and pressing onward； and locked and bound and hustling together in
the narrow channel of Chepe。 The imprecations of the charioteers
were terrible。 From the noble's broidered hammer…cloth； or the
driving…seat of the common coach； each driver assailed the other
with floods of ribald satire。 The pavid matron within the one
vehicle （speeding to the Bank for her semestrial pittance） shrieked
and trembled； the angry Dives hastening to his office （to add
another thousand to his heap；） thrust his head over the blazoned
panels； and displayed an eloquence of objurgation which his very
Menials could not equal； the dauntless street urchins； as they
gayly threaded the Labyrinth of Life； enjoyed the perplexities and
quarrels of the scene； and exacerbated the already furious
combatants by their poignant infantile satire。 And the
Philosopher； as he regarded the hot strife and struggle of these
Candidates in the race for Gold； thought with a sigh of the
Truthful and the Beautiful； and walked on； melancholy and serene。
'Twas noon in Chepe。 The ware…rooms were thronged。 The flaunting
windows of the mercers attracted many a purchaser： the glittering
panes behind which Birmingham had glazed its simulated silver；
induced rustics to pause： although only noon； the savory odors of
the Cook Shops tempted the over hungry citizen to the bun of Bath；
or to the fragrant potage that mocks the turtle's flavorthe
turtle！ O dapibus suprimi grata testudo Jovis！ I am an Alderman
when I think of thee！ Well： it was noon in Chepe。
But were all battling for gain there？ Among the many brilliant
shops whose casements shone upon Chepe； there stood one a century
back （about which period our tale opens） devoted to the sale of
Colonial produce。 A rudely carved image of a negro； with a
fantastic plume and apron of variegated feathers； decorated the
lintel。 The East and West had sent their contributions to
replenish the window。
The poor slave had toiled； died perhaps； to produce yon pyramid of
swarthy sugar marked 〃ONLY 6 1/2d。〃That catty box； on which was
the epigraph 〃STRONG FAMILY CONGO ONLY 3s。 9d；〃 was from the
country of Confutzeethat heap of dark produce bore the legend
〃TRY OUR REAL NUT〃'Twas Cocoaand that nut the Cocoa…nut； whose
milk has refreshed the traveller and perplexed the natural
philosopher。 The shop in question was； in a word； a Grocer's。
In the midst of the shop and its gorgeous contents sat one who； to
judge from his appearance （though 'twas a difficult task； as； in
sooth； his back was turned）； had just reached that happy period of
life when the Boy is expanding into the Man。 O Youth； Youth！
Happy and Beautiful！ O fresh and roseate dawn of life； when the
dew yet lies on the flowers； ere they have been scorched and
withered by Passion's fiery Sun！ Immersed in thought or study； and
indifferent to the din around him； sat the boy。 A careless
guardian was he of the treasures confided to him。 The crowd passed
in Chepe； he never marked it。 The sun shone on Chepe； he only
asked that it should illumine the page he read。 The knave might
filch his treasures； he was heedless of the knave。 The customer
might enter； but his book was all in all to him。
And indeed a customer WAS there； a little hand was tapping on the
counter with a pretty impatience； a pair of arch eyes were gazing
at the boy； adm