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being able to speak the language； leaving our own dear country and
honest countrymen。
Fourteen porters came out； and each took a package with the
greatest civility； calling Jemmy her ladyship； and me your honor；
ay； and your honoring and my ladyshipping even my man and the maid
in the cab。 I somehow felt all over quite melancholy at going
away。 〃Here； my fine fellow；〃 says I to the coachman； who was
standing very respectful； holding his hat in one hand and Jemmy's
jewel…case in the other〃Here； my fine chap；〃 says I； 〃here's six
shillings for you；〃 for I did not care for the money。
〃Six what？〃 says he。
〃Six shillings； fellow；〃 shrieks Jemmy； 〃and twice as much as your
fare。〃
〃Feller； marm！〃 says this insolent coachman。 〃Feller yourself；
marm： do you think I'm a…going to kill my horses； and break my
precious back； and bust my carriage； and carry you； and your kids；
and your traps for six hog？〃 And with this the monster dropped his
hat； with my money in it； and doubling his fist put it so very near
my nose that I really thought he would have made it bleed。 〃My
fare's heighteen shillings；〃 says he； 〃hain't it？hask hany of
these gentlemen。〃
〃Why； it ain't more than seventeen…and…six；〃 says one of the
fourteen porters； 〃but if the gen'l'man IS a gen'l'man； he can't
give no less than a suffering anyhow。〃
I wanted to resist； and Jemmy screamed like a Turk； but； 〃Holloa！〃
says one。 〃What's the row？〃 says another。 〃Come； dub up！〃 roars a
third。 And I don't mind telling you； in confidence； that I was so
frightened that I took out the sovereign and gave it。 My man and
Jemmy's maid had disappeared by this time： they always do when
there's a robbery or a row going on。
I was going after them。 〃Stop； Mr。 Ferguson；〃 pipes a young
gentleman of about thirteen； with a red livery waistcoat that
reached to his ankles； and every variety of button； pin； string； to
keep it together。 〃Stop； Mr。 Heff；〃 says he； taking a small pipe
out of his mouth； 〃and don't forgit the cabman。〃
〃What's your fare； my lad？〃 says I。
〃Why； let's seeyesho！my fare's seven…and…thirty and eightpence
eggsacly。〃
The fourteen gentlemen holding the luggage； here burst out and
laughed very rudely indeed； and the only person who seemed
disappointed was； I thought； the hackney…coachman。 〃Why； YOU
rascal！〃 says Jemmy； laying hold of the boy； 〃do you want more than
the coachman？〃
〃Don't rascal ME； marm！〃 shrieks the little chap in return。
〃What's the coach to me？ Vy； you may go in an omlibus for sixpence
if you like； vy don't you go and buss it； marm？ Vy did you call my
cab； marm？ Vy am I to come forty mile； from Scarlot Street；
Po'tl'nd Street； Po'tl'nd Place； and not git my fare； marm？ Come；
give me a suffering and a half； and don't keep my hoss avaiting all
day。〃 This speech； which takes some time to write down； was made
in about the fifth part of a second； and； at the end of it； the
young gentleman hurled down his pipe； and； advancing towards Jemmy；
doubled his fist； and seemed to challenge her to fight。
My dearest girl now turned from red to be as pale as white Windsor；
and fell into my arms。 What was I to do？ I called 〃Policeman！〃
but a policeman won't interfere in Thames Street； robbery is
licensed there。 What was I to do？ Oh！ my heart beats with
paternal gratitude when I think of what my Tug did！
As soon as this young cab…chap put himself into a fighting
attitude； Master Tuggeridge Coxewho had been standing by laughing
very rudely； I thoughtMaster Tuggeridge Coxe； I say； flung his
jacket suddenly into his mamma's face （the brass buttons made her
start and recovered her a little）； and； before we could say a word
was in the ring in which we stood （formed by the porters； nine
orangemen and women； I don't know how many newspaper…boys； hotel…
cads； and old…clothesmen）； and； whirling about two little white
fists in the face of the gentleman in the red waistcoat； who
brought up a great pair of black ones to bear on the enemy； was
engaged in an instant。
But la bless you！ Tug hadn't been at Richmond School for nothing；
and MILLED away one； two； right and leftlike a little hero as he
is； with all his dear mother's spirit in him。 First came a crack
which sent a long dusky white hatthat looked damp and deep like a
well； and had a long black crape…rag twisted round itfirst came a
crack which sent this white hat spinning over the gentleman's cab
and scattered among the crowd a vast number of things which the
cabman kept in it；such as a ball of string； a piece of candle； a
comb； a whip…lash； a little warbler； a slice of bacon； &c。 &c。
The cabman seemed sadly ashamed of this display； but Tug gave him
no time： another blow was planted on his cheekbone； and a third；
which hit him straight on the nose； sent this rude cabman straight
down to the ground。
〃Brayvo； my lord！〃 shouted all the people around。
〃I won't have no more； thank yer；〃 said the little cabman；
gathering himself up。 〃Give us over my fare； vil yer； and let me
git away？〃
〃What's your fare； NOW； you cowardly little thief？〃 says Tug。
〃Vy； then； two…and…eightpence；〃 says he。 〃Go along；you KNOW it
is！〃 and two…and…eightpence he had； and everybody applauded Tug；
and hissed the cab…boy； and asked Tug for something to drink。 We
heard the packet…bell ringing； and all run down the stairs to be in
time。
I now thought our troubles would soon be over； mine were； very
nearly so； in one sense at least： for after Mrs。 Coxe and
Jemimarann； and Tug； and the maid； and valet； and valuables had
been handed across； it came to my turn。 I had often heard of
people being taken up by a PLANK； but seldom of their being set
down by one。 Just as I was going over； the vessel rode off a
little； the board slipped； and down I soused into the water。 You
might have heard Mrs。 Coxe's shriek as far as Gravesend； it rung in
my ears as I went down； all grieved at the thought of leaving her a
disconsolate widder。 Well； up I came again； and caught the brim of
my beaver…hatthough I have heard that drowning men catch at
straws：I floated； and hoped to escape by hook or by crook； and；
luckily； just then； I felt myself suddenly jerked by the waistband
of my whites； and found myself hauled up in the air at the end of a
boat…hook； to the sound of 〃Yeho！ yeho！ yehoi！ yehoi！〃 and so I was
dragged aboard。 I was put to bed； and had swallowed so much water
that it took a very considerable quantity of brandy to bring it to
a proper mixture in my inside。 In fact； for some hours I was in a
very deplorable state。
NOTICE TO QUIT。
Well； we arrived at Boulogne； and Jemmy； after making inquiries；
right and left； about the Baron； found that no such person was
known there； and being bent； I suppose； at all events； on marrying
her daughter to a lord； she determined to set off for Paris； where；
as he had often said； he possessed a magnificent hotel he
called it；and I remember Jemmy being mightily indignant at the
idea； but hotel； we found afterwards； means only a house in French；
and this reconciled her。 Need I describe the road from Boulogne to
Paris？ or need I describe that Capitol itself？ Suffice it to say；
that we made our appearance there； at 〃Murisse's Hotel；〃 as became
the family of Coxe Tuggeridge； and saw everything worth seeing in
the metropolis in a week。 It nearly killed me； to be sure； but；
when you're on a pleasure…party in a foreign country； you must not
mind a little inconvenience of this sort。
Well； there is； near the city of Paris； a splendid road and row of
trees； whichI don't know whyis called the Shandeleezy； or
Elysian Fields； in French： others； I have heard； call it the
Shandeleery； but mine I know to be the correct pronunciation。 In
the middle of this Shandeleezy is an open space of ground； and a
tent where； during the summer； Mr。 Franconi； the French Ashley；
performs with his horses and things。 As everybody went there； and
we were told it was quite the thing； Jemmy agreed that we should go
too； and go we did。
It's just like Ashley's： there's a man just like Mr。 Piddicombe；
who goes round the ring in a huzzah…dress； cracking a whip； there
are a dozen Miss Woolfords； who appear like Polish princesses；
Dihannas； Sultannas； Cachuchas； and heaven knows what！ There's the
fat man； who comes in with the twenty…three dresses on； and turns
out to be the living skeleton！ There's the clowns； the sawdust；
the white horse that dances a hornpipe； the candles stuck in hoops；
just as in our own dear country。
My dear wife； in her very finest clothes； with all the world
looking at her； was really enjoying this spectacle （which doesn't
require any knowledge of the language； seeing that the dumb animals
don't talk it）； when there came in； presently； 〃the great Polish
act of the Sarmatian horse…tamer； on eight steeds；〃 which