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not take the plot and act on it yourself。 You are a known man； the
public relishes your works； anything bearing the name of Snooks is
eagerly read by the masses； and though Messrs。 Hookey； of Holywell
Street； pay you handsomely； I make no doubt you would like to be
rewarded at a still higher figure。
〃Unless he writes with a purpose； you know； a novelist in our days
is good for nothing。 This one writes with a socialist purpose；
that with a conservative purpose： this author or authoress with the
most delicate skill insinuates Catholicism into you； and you find
yourself all but a Papist in the third volume： another doctors you
with Low Church remedies to work inwardly upon you； and which you
swallow down unsuspiciously； as children do calomel in jelly。
Fiction advocates all sorts of truth and causesdoesn't the
delightful bard of the Minories find Moses in everything？ M。
Gonzales's plan； and the one which I recommend to my dear Snooks；
simply was to write an advertisement novel。 Look over The Times or
the 'Directory；' walk down Regent Street or Fleet Street any day
see what houses advertise most； and put yourself into communication
with their proprietors。 With your rings； your chains； your studs；
and the tip on your chin； I don't know any greater swell than Bob
Snooks。 Walk into the shops； I say； ask for the principal； and
introduce yourself； saying； 'I am the great Snooks； I am the author
of the 〃Mysteries of May Fair；〃 my weekly sale is 281；000； I am
about to produce a new work called 〃The Palaces of Pimlico； or the
Curse of the Court；〃 describing and lashing fearlessly the vices of
the aristocracy； this book will have a sale of at least 530；000； it
will be on every tablein the boudoir of the pampered duke； as in
the chamber of the honest artisan。 The myriads of foreigners who
are coming to London； and are anxious to know about our national
manners； will purchase my book； and carry it to their distant
homes。 So； Mr。 Taylor； or Mr。 Haberdasher； or Mr。 Jeweller； how
much will you stand if I recommend you in my forthcoming novel？'
You may make a noble income in this way； Snooks。
〃For instance； suppose it is an upholsterer。 What more easy； what
more delightful； than the description of upholstery？ As thus：
〃'Lady Emily was reclining on one of Down and Eider's voluptuous
ottomans； the only couch on which Belgravian beauty now reposes；
when Lord Bathershins entered； stepping noiselessly over one of
Tomkins's elastic Axminster carpets。 〃Good heavens； my lord！〃 she
saidand the lovely creature fainted。 The Earl rushed to the
mantel…piece； where he saw a flacon of Otto's eau…de…Cologne； and；'
&c。
〃Or say it's a cheap furniture…shop； and it may be brought in just
as easily； as thus：
〃'We are poor； Eliza；' said Harry Hardhand； looking affectionately
at his wife； 'but we have enough； love； have we not； for our humble
wants？ The rich and luxurious may go to Dillow's or Gobiggin's；
but we can get our rooms comfortably furnished at Timmonson's for
20L。' And putting on her bonnet； and hanging affectionately on her
husband； the stoker's pretty bride tripped gayly to the well…known
mart； where Timmonson； within his usual affability； was ready to
receive them。
〃Then you might have a touch at the wine…merchant and purveyor。
'Where did you get this delicious claret； or pate de fois gras； or
what you please？' said Count Blagowski to the gay young Sir Horace
Swellmore。 The voluptuous Bart answered； 'At So…and…So's； or So…
and…So's。' The answer is obvious。 You may furnish your cellar or
your larder in this way。 Begad； Snooks！ I lick my lips at the
very idea。
〃Then； as to tailors； milliners； bootmakers； &c。； how easy to get a
word for them！ Amranson； the tailor； waited upon Lord Paddington
with an assortment of his unrivalled waistcoats； or clad in that
simple but aristocratic style of which Schneider ALONE has the
secret。 Parvy Newcome really looked like a gentleman； and though
corpulent and crooked； Schneider had managed to give him； &c。
Don't you see what a stroke of business you might do in this way。
〃The shoemaker。Lady Fanny flew； rather than danced； across the
ball…room； only a Sylphide； or Taglioni； or a lady chausseed by
Chevillett of Bond Street could move in that fairy way； and
〃The hairdresser。'Count Barbarossa is seventy years of age；' said
the Earl。 'I remember him at the Congress of Vienna； and he has
not a single gray hair。' Wiggins laughed。 'My good Lord Baldock；'
said the old wag； 'I saw Barbarossa's hair coming out of
Ducroissant's shop； and under his valet's armho！ ho！ ho！'and
the two bon…vivans chuckled as the Count passed by； talking with；
&c。 &c。
〃The gunmaker。'The antagonists faced each other； and undismayed
before his gigantic enemy； Kilconnel raised his pistol。 It was one
of Clicker's manufacture； and Sir Marmaduke knew he could trust the
maker and the weapon。 〃One； two； THREE；〃 cried O'Tool； and the two
pistols went off at that instant； and uttering a terrific curse；
the Lifeguardsman；' &c。A sentence of this nature from your pen；
my dear Snooks； would； I should think； bring a case of pistols and
a double…barrelled gun to your lodgings； and； though heaven forbid
you should use such weapons； you might sell them； you know； and we
could make merry with the proceeds。
〃If my hint is of any use to you； it is quite at your service； dear
Snooks； and should anything come of it； I hope you will remember
your friend。〃
THE DIARY OF C。 JEAMES DE LA PLUCHE； ESQ。；
WITH HIS LETTERS。
A LUCKY SPECULATOR。
〃Considerable sensation has been excited in the upper and lower
circles in the West End； by a startling piece of good fortune which
has befallen James Plush； Esq。； lately footman in a respected
family in Berkeley Square。
〃One day last week； Mr。 James waited upon his master； who is a
banker in the City； and after a little blushing and hesitation；
said he had saved a little money in service； was anxious to retire；
and to invest his savings to advantage。
〃His master （we believe we may mention； without offending delicacy；
the well…known name of Sir George Flimsy； of the house of Flimsy；
Diddler； and Flash；） smilingly asked Mr。 James what was the amount
of his savings； wondering considerably how； out of an income of
thirty guineasthe main part of which he spent in bouquets； silk
stockings； and perfumeryMr。 Plush could have managed to lay by
anything。
〃Mr。 Plush； with some hesitation； said he had been SPECULATING IN
RAILROADS； and stated his winnings to have been thirty thousand
pounds。 He had commenced his speculations with twenty； borrowed
from a fellow…servant。 He had dated his letters from the house in
Berkeley Square； and humbly begged pardon of his master for not
having instructed the Railway Secretaries who answered his
applications to apply at the area…bell。
〃Sir George； who was at breakfast； instantly rose； and shook Mr。 P。
by the hand； Lady Flimsy begged him to be seated； and partake of
the breakfast which he had laid on the table； and has subsequently
invited him to her grand dejeuner at Richmond； where it was
observed that Miss Emily Flimsy； her beautiful and accomplished
seventh daughter； paid the lucky gentleman MARKED ATTENTION。
〃We hear it stated that Mr。 P。 is of a very ancient family （Hugo de
la Pluche came over with the Conqueror）； and the new brougham which
he has started bears the ancient coat of his race。
〃He has taken apartments in the Albany； and is a director of
thirty…three railroads。 He proposes to stand for Parliament at the
next general election on decidedly conservative principles； which
have always been the politics of his family。
〃Report says； that even in his humble capacity Miss Emily Flimsy
had remarked his high demeanor。 Well； 'None but the brave；' say
we； 'deserve the fair。'〃Morning Paper。
This announcement will explain the following lines； which have been
put into our box* with a West End post…mark。 If； as we believe；
they are written by the young woman from whom the Millionnaire
borrowed the sum on which he raised his fortune； what heart will
not melt with sympathy at her tale； and pity the sorrows which she
expresses in such artless language？
If it be not too late； if wealth have not rendered its possessor
callous； if poor Maryanne BE STILL ALIVE； we trust； we trust； Mr。
Plush will do her justice。
* The letter…box of Mr。 Punch； in whose columns these papers were
first published。
〃JEAMES OF BUCKLEY SQUARE。
〃A HELIGY。
〃Come all ye gents vot cleans the plate；
Come all ye ladies maids so fair
Vile I a story vill relate
Of cruel Jeames of Buckley Square。
A tighter lad； it is confest；
Neer valked with powder in his air；
Or vore a nosegay in his breas