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'Crikey； Jeames； you've got a better birth here than you ad where
you were in the plush and powder line。' 'Try a few of them plovers
hegs； sir；' I says； whishing； I'm asheamed to say； that somethink
would choke huncle B…； 'and I hope； mam； now you've ad the
kindniss to wisit me； a little refreshment won't be out of your
way。'
〃This I said； detummind to put a good fase on the matter： and
because in herly times I'd reseaved a great deal of kindniss from
the hold lady； which I should be a roag to forgit。 She paid for my
schooling； she got up my fine linning gratis； shes given me many &
many a lb； and manys the time in appy appy days when me and
Maryhann has taken tea。 But never mind THAT。 'Mam；' says I； 'you
must be tired hafter your walk。'
〃'Walk？ Nonsince； Jeames；' says she； 'it's Saturday； & I came in；
in THE CART。' 'Black or green tea； maam？' says Fitzwarren；
intarupting her。 And I will say the feller showed his nouce & good
breeding in this difficklt momink； for he'd halready silenced
huncle Bill； whose mouth was now full of muffinx； am； Blowny
sausag； Perrigole pie； and other dellixies。
〃'Wouldn't you like a little SOMETHINK in your tea； Mam；' says that
sly wagg Cinqbars。 'HE knows what I likes；' replies the hawfle
hold Lady； pinting to me； （which I knew it very well； having often
seen her take a glass of hojous gin along with her Bohee）； and so I
was ableeged to horder Fitzwarren to bring round the licures； and
to help my unfortnit rellatif to a bumper of Ollands。 She tost it
hoff to the elth of the company； giving a smack with her lipps
after she'd emtied the glas； which very nearly caused me to phaint
with hagny。 But； luckaly for me； she didn't igspose herself much
farther： for when Cinqbars was pressing her to take another glas； I
cried out； 'Don't； my lord；' on which old Grann hearing him
edressed by his title； cried out； 'A Lord！ o law！' and got up and
made him a cutsy； and coodnt be peswaded to speak another word。
The presents of the noble gent heavidently made her uneezy。
〃The Countiss on my right and had shownt symtms of ixtream disgust
at the beayvior of my relations； and having called for her carridg；
got up to leave the room； with the most dignified hair。 I； of
coarse； rose to conduct her to her weakle。 Ah； what a contrast it
was！ There it stood； with stars and garters hall hover the
pannels； the footmin in peach…colored tites； the hosses worth 3
hundred apiece；and there stood the horrid LINNEN…CART； with 'Mary
Blodder； Laundress； Ealing； Middlesex；' wrote on the bord； and
waiting till my abandind old parint should come out。
〃Cinqbars insisted upon helping her in。 Sir Huddlestone Fuddlestone；
the great Barnet from the North； who； great as he is； is as stewpid
as a howl； looked on； hardly trusting his goggle I's as they
witnessed the sean。 But little lively good naterd Lady Kitty
Quickset； who was going away with the Countiss； held her little &
out of the carridge to me and said； 'Mr。 De la Pluche； you are a
much better man than I took you to be。 Though her Ladyship IS
horrified； & though your Grandmother DID take gin for breakfast；
don't give her up。 No one ever came to harm yet for honoring their
father & mother。'
〃And this was a sort of consolation to me； and I observed that all
the good fellers thought none the wuss of me。 Cinqbars said I was
a trump for sticking up for the old washerwoman； Lord George Gills
said she should have his linning； and so they cut their joax； and I
let them。 But it was a great releaf to my mind when the cart drove
hoff。
〃There was one pint which my Grandmother observed； and which； I
muss say； I thought lickwise： 'Ho； Jeames；' says she； 'hall those
fine ladies in sattns and velvets is very well； but there's not one
of em can hold a candle to Mary Hann。'〃
〃Railway Spec is going on phamusly。 You should see how polite they
har at my bankers now！ Sir Paul Pump Aldgate； & Company。 They bow
me out of the back parlor as if I was a Nybobb。 Every body says
I'm worth half a millium。 The number of lines they're putting me
upon is inkumseavable。 I've put Fitzwarren； my man； upon several。
Reginald Fitzwarren； Esquire； looks splendid in a perspectus； and
the raskle owns that he has made two thowsnd。
〃How the ladies； & men too； foller and flatter me！ If I go into
Lady Binsis hopra box； she makes room for me； who ever is there；
and cries out； 'O do make room for that dear creature！' And she
complyments me on my taste in musick； or my new Broom…oss； or the
phansy of my weskit； and always ends by asking me for some shares。
Old Lord Bareacres； as stiff as a poaker； as prowd as loosyfer； as
poor as Joabeven he condysends to be sivvle to the great De la
Pluche； and begged me at Harthur's； lately； in his sollom； pompus
way； 'to faver him with five minutes' conversation。' I knew what
was comingapplication for sharesput him down on my private
list。 Would'nt mind the Scrag End Junction passing through
Bareacreshoped I'd come down and shoot there。
〃I gave the old humbugg a few shares out of my own pocket。 'There；
old Pride；' says I； 'I like to see you down on your knees to a
footman。 There； old Pompossaty！ Take fifty pound； I like to see
you come cringing and begging for it。' Whenever I see him in a
VERY public place； I take my change for my money。 I digg him in
the ribbs； or slap his padded old shoulders。 I call him；
'Bareacres； my old buck！' and I see him wince。 It does my art
good。
〃I'm in low sperits。 A disagreeable insadent has just occurred。
Lady Pump； the banker's wife； asked me to dinner。 I sat on her
right； of course； with an uncommon gal ner me； with whom I was
getting on in my fassanating wayfull of lacy ally （as the Marquis
says） and easy plesntry。 Old Pump； from the end of the table；
asked me to drink shampane； and on turning to tak the glass I saw
Charles Wackles （with womb I'd been imployed at Colonel Spurriers'
house） grinning over his shoulder at the butler。
〃The beest reckonised me。 Has I was putting on my palto in the
hall； he came up again： 'HOW DY DOO； Jeames？' says he； in a findish
visper。 'Just come out here； Chawles；' says I； 'I've a word for
you； my old boy。' So I beckoned him into Portland Place； with my
pus in my hand； as if I was going to give him a sovaring。
〃'I think you said 〃Jeames；〃 Chawles；' says I； 'and grind at me at
dinner？'
〃'Why； sir。' says he； 'we're old friends； you know。'
〃'Take that for old friendship then；' says I； and I gave him just
one on the noas； which sent him down on the pavemint as if he'd
been shot。 And mounting myjesticly into my cabb； I left the rest
of the grinning scoundrills to pick him up； & droav to the Clubb。〃
〃Have this day kimpleated a little efair with my friend George；
Earl Bareacres； which I trust will be to the advantidge both of
self & that noble gent。 Adjining the Bareacre proppaty is a small
piece of land of about 100 acres； called Squallop Hill； igseeding
advantageous for the cultivation of sheep； which have been found to
have a pickewlear fine flaviour from the natur of the grass； tyme；
heather； and other hodarefarus plants which grows on that mounting
in the places where the rox and stones don't prevent them。
Thistles here is also remarkable fine； and the land is also devided
hoff by luxurient Stone Hedgesmuch more usefle and ickonomicle
than your quickset or any of that rubbishing sort of timber： indeed
the sile is of that fine natur； that timber refuses to grow there
altogether。 I gave Bareacres 50L。 an acre for this land （the
igsact premium of my St。 Helena Shares）a very handsom price for
land which never yielded two shillings an acre； and very convenient
to his Lordship I know； who had a bill coming due at his Bankers
which he had given them。 James de la Pluche； Esquire； is thus for
the fust time a landed propriatoror rayther； I should say； is
about to reshume the rank & dignity in the country which his
Hancestors so long occupied。
〃I have caused one of our inginears to make me a plann of the
Squallop Estate； Diddlesexshire； the property of &c。 &c。； bordered
on the North by Lord Bareacres' Country； on the West by Sir Granby
Growler； on the South by the Hotion。 An Arkytect & Survare； a
young feller of great emagination； womb we have employed to make a
survey of the Great Caffranan line； has built me a beautiful Villar
（on paper）； Plushton Hall； Diddlesex； the seat of I de la P。；
Esquire。 The house is reprasented a handsome Itallian Structer；
imbusmd in woods； and circumwented by beautiful gardings。 Theres a
lake in front with boatsful of nobillaty and musitions floting on
its placid suffaceand a curricle is a driving up to the grand
hentrance； and me in it； with Mrs。； or perhaps Lady Hangelana de la
Pluche。 I speak adwisedly。 I MAY be going to form a noble
kinexion。 I may be （by marridge） going to uni