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burlesques-第32章

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the accomplished writer; and we have only just learned his fate。

We are happy to state that it is a comfortable and almost a

prosperous one。



The Honorable and Right Reverend Lionel Thistlewood; Lord Bishop of

Bullocksmithy; was mentioned as the uncle of Lady Angelina

Silvertop。  Her elopement with her cousin caused deep emotion to

the venerable prelate: he returned to the palace at Bullocksmithy;

of which he had been for thirty years the episcopal ornament; and

where he married three wives; who lie buried in his Cathedral

Church of St。 Boniface; Bullocksmithy。



The admirable man has rejoined those whom he loved。  As he was

preparing a charge to his clergy in his study after dinner; the

Lord Bishop fell suddenly down in a fit of apoplexy; his butler;

bringing in his accustomed dish of devilled kidneys for supper;

discovered the venerable form extended on the Turkey carpet with a

glass of Madeira in his hand; but life was extinct: and surgical

aid was therefore not particularly useful。



All the late prelate's wives had fortunes; which the admirable man

increased by thrift; the judicious sale of leases which fell in

during his episcopacy; &c。  He left three hundred thousand pounds

divided between his nephew and niecenot a greater sum than has

been left by several deceased Irish prelates。



What Lord Southdown has done with his share we are not called upon

to state。  He has composed an epitaph to the Martyr of Bullocksmithy;

which does him infinite credit。  But we are happy to state that Lady

Angelina Silvertop presented five hundred pounds to her faithful and

affectionate servant; Mary Ann Hoggins; on her marriage with Mr。

James Plush; to whom her Ladyship also made a handsome present

namely; the lease; good…will; and fixtures of the 〃Wheel of Fortune〃

public…house; near Shepherd's Market; May Fair: a house greatly

frequented by all the nobility's footmen; doing a genteel stroke of

business in the neighborhood; and where; as we have heard; the

〃Butlers' Club〃 is held。



Here Mr。 Plush lives happy in a blooming and interesting wife:

reconciled to a middle sphere of life; as he was to a humbler

and a higher one before。  He has shaved off his whiskers; and

accommodates himself to an apron with perfect good humor。  A

gentleman connected with this establishment dined at the 〃Wheel of

Fortune〃 the other day; and collected the above particulars。  Mr。

Plush blushed rather; as he brought in the first dish; and told his

story very modestly over a pint of excellent port。  He had only one

thing in life to complain of; he saidthat a witless version of

his adventures had been produced at the Princess's theatre;

〃without with your leaf or by your leaf;〃 as he expressed it。  〃Has

for the rest;〃 the worthy fellow said; 〃I'm appypraps betwixt you

and me I'm in my proper spear。  I enjy my glass of beer or port

(with your elth & my suvvice to you; sir;) quite as much as my

clarrit in my prawsprus days。  I've a good busniss; which is likely

to be better。  If a man can't be appy with such a wife as my Mary

Hann; he's a beest: and when a christening takes place in our

famly; will you give my complments to MR。 PUNCH; and ask him to be

godfather。〃







LETTERS OF JEAMES。





JEAMES ON TIME BARGINGS。





〃Peraps at this present momink of Railway Hagetation and unsafety

the follying little istory of a young friend of mine may hact as an

olesome warning to hother week and hirresolute young gents。



〃Young Frederick Timmins was the horphan son of a respectable

cludgyman in the West of Hengland。  Hadopted by his uncle; Colonel

T; of the Hoss…Mareens; and regardless of expence; this young

man was sent to Heaton Collidge; and subsiquintly to Hoxford; where

he was very nearly being Senior Rangler。  He came to London to

study for the lor。  His prospix was bright indead; and he lived in

a secknd flore in Jerming Street; having a ginteal inkum of two

hundred lbs。 per hannum。



〃With this andsum enuity it may be supposed that Frederick wanted

for nothink。  Nor did he。  He was a moral and well…educated young

man; who took care of his close; pollisht his hone tea…party boots;

cleaned his kidd…gloves with injer rubber; and; when not invited to

dine out; took his meals reglar at the Hoxford and Cambridge Club

where (unless somebody treated him) he was never known to igseed

his alf…pint of Marsally Wine。



〃Merrits and vuttues such as his coodnt long pass unperseavd in the

world。  Admitted to the most fashnabble parties; it wasn't long

befor sevral of the young ladies viewed him with a favorable i;

one; ixpecially; the lovely Miss Hemily Mulligatawney; daughter of

the Heast…Injar Derector of that name。  As she was the richest gal

of all the season; of corse Frederick fell in love with her。  His

haspirations were on the pint of being crowndid with success; and

it was agreed that as soon as he was called to the bar; when he

would sutnly be apinted a Judge; or a revising barrister; or Lord

Chanslor; he should lead her to the halter。



〃What life could be more desirable than Frederick's?  He gave up

his mornings to perfeshnl studdy; under Mr。 Bluebag; the heminent

pleader; he devoted his hevenings to helegant sosiaty at his Clubb;

or with his hadord Hemily。  He had no cares; no detts; no

egstravigancies; he never was known to ride in a cabb; unless one

of his tip…top friends lent it him; to go to a theayter unless he

got a horder; or to henter a tavern or smoke a cigar。  If

prosperraty was hever chocked out; it was for that young man。



〃But SUCKMSTANCES arose。  Fatle suckmstances for pore Frederick

Timmins。  The Railway Hoperations began。



〃For some time; immerst in lor and love; in the hardent hoccupations

of his cheembers; or the sweet sosiaty of his Hemily; Frederick took

no note of railroads。  He did not reckonize the jigantic revalution

which with hiron strides was a walkin over the country。  But they

began to be talked of even in HIS quiat haunts。 Heven in the Hoxford

and Cambridge Clubb; fellers were a speculatin。  Tom Thumper (of

Brasen Nose) cleared four thousand lb。; Bob Bullock (of Hexeter);

who had lost all his proppaty gambling; had set himself up again;

and Jack Deuceace; who had won it; had won a small istate besides

by lucky specklations in the Share Markit。



〃HEVERY BODY WON。  'Why shouldn't I?' thought pore Fred; and having

saved 100 lb。; he began a writin for sharesusing; like an

ickonominicle feller as he was; the Clubb paper to a prodigious

igstent。  All the Railroad directors; his friends; helped him to

sharesthe allottments came tumbling inhe took the primmiums by

fifties and hundreds a day。  His desk was cramd full of bank notes:

his brane world with igsitement。



〃He gave up going to the Temple; and might now be seen hall day

about Capel Court。  He took no more hinterest in lor; but his whole

talk was of railroad lines。  His desk at Mr。 Bluebag's was filled

full of prospectisises; and that legal gent wrote to Fred's uncle;

to say he feared he was neglectin his bisniss。



〃Alass! he WAS neglectin it; and all his sober and industerous

habits。  He begann to give dinners; and thought nothin of partys to

Greenwich or Richmond。  He didn't see his Hemily near so often:

although the hawdacious and misguided young man might have done so

much more heasily now than before: for now he kep a Broom!



〃But there's a tumminus to hevery Railway。  Fred's was approachin:

in an evil hour he began making TIME…BARGINGS。  Let this be a

warning to all young fellers; and Fred's huntimely hend hoperate on

them in a moral pint of vu!



〃You all know under what favrabble suckemstanses the Great Hafrican

Line; the Grand Niger Junction; or Gold Coast and Timbuctoo

(Provishnal) Hatmospheric Railway came out four weeks ago: deposit

ninepence per share of 20L。 (six elephant's teeth; twelve tons of

palm…oil; or four healthy niggers; African currency)the shares of

this helegeble investment rose to 1; 2; 3; in the Markit。  A happy

man was Fred when; after paying down 100 ninepences (3L。 15s。); he

sold his shares for 250L。  He gave a dinner at the 'Star and

Garter' that very day。  I promise you there was no Marsally THERE。



〃Nex day they were up at 3 1/4。  This put Fred in a rage: they rose

to 5; he was in a fewry。  'What an ass I was to sell;' said he;

'when all this money was to be won!'



〃'And so you WERE an Ass;' said his partiklar friend; Colonel Claw;

K。X。R。; a director of the line; 'a double…eared Ass。  My dear

fellow; the shares will be at 15 next week。  Will you give me your

solemn word of honor not to breathe to mortal man what I am going

to tell you?'



〃'Honor bright;' says Fred。



〃'HUDSON HAS JOINED THE LINE。'  Fred didn't say a word more; but

went tumbling down to the City in his Broom。  You know the state of

the streets。  Claw WENT BY WATER。



〃'Buy me one thousand Hafricans for the 30th;' c
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