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burlesques-第33章

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the streets。  Claw WENT BY WATER。



〃'Buy me one thousand Hafricans for the 30th;' cries Fred; busting

into his broker's; and they were done for him at 4 7/8。



        。        。        。        。        。        。



〃Can't you guess the rest?  Haven't you seen the Share List? which

says:



     〃'Great Africans; paid 9d。; price 1/4 par。'



〃And that's what came of my pore dear friend Timmins's time…barging。



〃What'll become of him I can't say; for nobody has seen him since。

His lodgins in Jerming Street is to let。  His brokers in vain

deplores his absence。  His Uncle has declared his marriage with his

housekeeper; and the Morning Erald (that emusing print) has a

paragraf yesterday in the fashnabble news; headed 'Marriage in High

Life。The rich and beautiful Miss Mulligatawney; of Portland

Place; is to be speedily united to Colonel Claw; K。X。R。'



〃JEAMES。〃







JEAMES ON THE GAUGE QUESTION。





〃You will scarcely praps reckonize in this little skitch* the

haltered linimints of 1; with woos face the reders of your valluble

mislny were once fimiliar;the unfortnt Jeames de la Pluche; fomly

so selabrated in the fashnabble suckles; now the pore Jeames Plush;

landlord of the 'Wheel of Fortune' public house。  Yes; that is me;

that is my haypun which I wear as becomes a publicanthose is the

checkers which hornyment the pillows of my dor。  I am like the

Romin Genral; St。 Cenatus; equal to any emudgency of Fortun。  I;

who have drunk Shampang in my time; aint now abov droring a pint of

Small Bier。  As for my wifethat AngelI've not ventured to

depigt HER。  Fansy her a sittn in the Bar; smiling like a sunflower

and; ho; dear Punch! happy in nussing a deer little darlint

totsywotsy of a Jeames; with my air to a curl; and my i's to a T!





* This refers to an illustrated edition of the work。





〃I never thought I should have been injuiced to write anything but

a Bill agin; much less to edress you on Railway Subjixwhich with

all my sole I ABAW。  Railway letters; obbligations to pay hup;

ginteal inquirys as to my Salissator's name; &c。 &c。; I dispize and

scorn artily。  But as a man; an usbnd; a father; and a freebon

Brittn; my jewty compels me to come forwoods; and igspress my

opinion upon that NASHNAL NEWSANCEthe break of Gage。



〃An interesting ewent in a noble family with which I once very

nearly had the honor of being kinected; acurd a few weex sins; when

the Lady Angelina S; daughter of the Earl of Bcres;

presented the gallant Capting; her usband; with a Son & hair。

Nothink would satasfy her Ladyship but that her old and attacht

famdyshamber; my wife Mary Hann Plush; should be presnt upon this

hospicious occasion。  Captain S was not jellus of me on account

of my former attachment to his Lady。  I cunsented that my Mary Hann

should attend her; and me; my wife; and our dear babby acawdingly

set out for our noable frend's residence; Honeymoon Lodge; near

Cheltenham。



〃Sick of all Railroads myself; I wisht to poast it in a Chay and 4;

but Mary Hann; with the hobstenacy of her Sex; was bent upon

Railroad travelling; and I yealded; like all husbinds。  We set out

by the Great Westn; in an eavle Hour。



〃We didnt take much luggitchmy wife's things in the ushal

bandboxesmine in a potmancho。  Our dear little James Angelo's

(called so in complament to his noble Godmamma) craddle; and a

small supply of a few 100 weight of Topsanbawtems; Farinashious

food; and Lady's fingers; for that dear child; who is now 6 months

old; with a PERDIDGUS APPATITE。  Likewise we were charged with

a bran new Medsan chest for my lady; from Skivary & Morris;

containing enough Rewbub; Daffy's Alixir; Godfrey's cawdle; with

a few score of parsles for Lady Hangelina's family and owsehold:

about 2000 spessymins of Babby linning from Mrs。 Flummary's in

Regent Street; a Chayny Cresning bowl from old Lady Bareacres (big

enough to immus a Halderman); & a case marked 'Glass;' from her

ladyship's meddicle man; which were stowed away together; had to

this an ormylew Cradle; with rose…colored Satting & Pink lace

hangings; held up by a gold tuttle…dove; &c。  We had; ingluding

James Hangelo's rattle & my umbrellow; 73 packidges in all。



〃We got on very well as far as Swindon; where; in the Splendid

Refreshment room; there was a galaxy of lovely gals in cottn velvet

spencers; who serves out the soop; and 1 of whom maid an impresshn

upon this Art which I shoodn't like Mary Hann to knowand here; to

our infanit disgust; we changed carridges。  I forgot to say that we

were in the seeknd class; having with us James Hangelo; and 23

other light harticles。



〃Fust inconveniance: and almost as bad as break of gage。  I cast my

hi upon the gal in cottn velvet; and wanted some soop; of coarse;

but seasing up James Hangelo (who was layin his dear little pors on

an Am Sangwidg) and seeing my igspresshn of hi'James;' says Mary

Hann; 'instead of looking at that young ladyand not so VERY young

neitherbe pleased to look to our packidges; & place them in the

other carridge。'  I did so with an evy Art。  I eranged them 23

articles in the opsit carridg; only missing my umberella & baby's

rattle; and jest as I came back for my baysn of soop; the beast of

a bell rings; the whizzling injians proclayms the time of our

departure;& farewell soop and cottn velvet。  Mary Hann was sulky。

She said it was my losing the umberella。  If it had been a COTTON

VELVET UMBERELLA I could have understood。  James Hangelo sittn on

my knee was evidently unwell; without his coral: & for 20 miles

that blessid babby kep up a rawring; which caused all the

passingers to simpithize with him igseedingly。



〃We arrive at Gloster; and there fansy my disgust at bein ableeged

to undergo another change of carridges!  Fansy me holding up

moughs; tippits; cloaks; and baskits; and James Hangelo rawring

still like mad; and pretending to shuperintend the carrying over of

our luggage from the broad gage to the narrow gage。  'Mary Hann;'

says I; rot to desperation; 'I shall throttle this darling if he

goes on。'  'Do;' says she'and GO INTO THE REFRESHMENT room;' says

shea snatchin the babby out of my arms。  Do go;' says she; youre

not fit to look after luggage;' and she began lulling James Hangelo

to sleep with one hi; while she looked after the packets with the

other。  Now; Sir! if you please; mind that packet!pretty darling

easy with that box; Sir; its glasspooooty poppetwhere's the

deal case; marked arrowroot; No。 24?' she cried; reading out of a

list she had。And poor little James went to sleep。  The porters

were bundling and carting the various harticles with no more

ceremony than if each package had been of cannonball。



〃At lastbang goes a package marked 'Glass;' and containing the

Chayny bowl and Lady Bareacres' mixture; into a large white

bandbox; with a crash and a smash。  'It's My Lady's box from

Crinoline's!' cries Mary Hann; and she puts down the child on the

bench; and rushes forward to inspect the dammidge。  You could hear

the Chayny bowls clinking inside; and Lady B。's mixture (which had

the igsack smell of cherry brandy) was dribbling out over the

smashed bandbox containing a white child's cloak; trimmed with

Blown lace and lined with white satting。



〃As James was asleep; and I was by this time uncommon hungry; I

thought I WOULD go into the Refreshment Room and just take a little

soup; so I wrapped him up in his cloak and laid him by his mamma;

and went off。  There's not near such good attendance as at Swindon。



        。        。        。        。        。        。



〃We took our places in the carriage in the dark; both of us covered

with a pile of packages; and Mary Hann so sulky that she would not

speak for some minutes。  At last she spoke out



〃'Have you all the small parcels?'



〃'Twenty…three in all;' says I。



〃'Then give me baby。'



〃'Give you what?' says I。



〃'Give me baby。'



〃'What; haven't y…y…yoooo got him?' says I。



        。        。        。        。        。        。



〃O Mussy!  You should have heard her sreak!  WE'D LEFT HIM ON THE

LEDGE AT GLOSTER。



〃It all came of the break of gage。〃







MR。 JEAMES AGAIN。





〃DEAR MR。 PUNCH;As newmarus inquiries have been maid both at my

privit ressddence; 'The Wheel of Fortune Otel;' and at your Hoffis;

regarding the fate of that dear babby; James Hangelo; whose

primmiture dissappearnts caused such hagnies to his distracted

parents; I must begg; dear sir; the permission to ockupy a part of

your valuble collams once more; and hease the public mind about my

blessid boy。



〃Wictims of that nashnal cuss; the Broken Gage; me and Mrs。 Plush

was left in the train to Cheltenham; soughring from that most

disgreeble of complaints; a halmost BROKEN ART。  The skreems of

Mrs。 Jeames might be said almost to out…Y the squeel of the dying;

as we rusht into that fashnable Spaw; and
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