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duel； as the public most likely knows。 Poor Greg！ a very trivial
dispute was the cause of our quarrel； which never would have
originated but for the similarity of our names。 The circumstance
was this： I had been lucky enough to render the Nawaub of Lucknow
some trifling service （in the notorious affair of Choprasjee
Muckjee）； and his Highness sent down a gold toothpick…case directed
to Captain G。 Gahagan； which I of course thought was for me： my
brother madly claimed it； we fought； and the consequence was； that
in about three minutes he received a slash in the right side （cut
6）； which effectually did his business：he was a good swordsman
enoughI was THE BEST in the universe。 The most ridiculous part
of the affair is； that the toothpick…case was his； after allhe
had left it on the Nawaub's table at tiffin。 I can't conceive what
madness prompted him to fight about such a paltry bauble； he had
much better have yielded it at once； when he saw I was determined
to have it。 From this slight specimen of my adventures； the reader
will perceive that my life has been one of no ordinary interest；
and； in fact； I may say that I have led a more remarkable life than
any man in the serviceI have been at more pitched battles； led
more forlorn hopes； had more success among the fair sex； drunk
harder； read more； and been a handsomer man than any officer now
serving her Majesty。
When I at first went to India in 1802； I was a raw cornet of
seventeen； with blazing red hair； six feet four in height； athletic
at all kinds of exercises； owing money to my tailor and everybody
else who would trust me； possessing an Irish brogue； and my full
pay of 120L。 a year。 I need not say that with all these advantages
I did that which a number of clever fellows have done before meI
fell in love； and proposed to marry immediately。
But how to overcome the difficulty？It is true that I loved Julia
Jowlerloved her to madness； but her father intended her for a
Member of Council at least； and not for a beggarly Irish ensign。
It was； however； my fate to make the passage to India （on board of
the 〃Samuel Snob〃 East Indiaman； Captain Duffy；） with this lovely
creature； and my misfortune instantaneously to fall in love with
her。 We were not out of the Channel before I adored her；
worshipped the deck which she trod upon； kissed a thousand times
the cuddy…chair on which she used to sit。 The same madness fell on
every man in the ship。 The two mates fought about her at the Cape；
the surgeon； a sober； pious Scotchman； from disappointed affection；
took so dreadfully to drinking as to threaten spontaneous
combustion； and old Colonel Lilywhite； carrying his wife and seven
daughters to Bengal； swore that he would have a divorce from Mrs。
L。； and made an attempt at suicide； the captain himself told me；
with tears in his eyes； that he hated his hitherto…adored Mrs。
Duffy； although he had had nineteen children by her。
We used to call her the witchthere was magic in her beauty and in
her voice。 I was spell…bound when I looked at her； and stark
staring mad when she looked at me！ O lustrous black eyes！O
glossy night…black ringlets！O lips！O dainty frocks of white
muslin！O tiny kid slippers！though old and gouty； Gahagan sees
you still！ I recollect； off Ascension； she looked at me in her
particular way one day at dinner； just as I happened to be blowing
on a piece of scalding hot green fat。 I was stupefied at onceI
thrust the entire morsel （about half a pound） into my mouth。 I
made no attempt to swallow； or to masticate it； but left it there
for many minutes； burning； burning！ I had no skin to my palate for
seven weeks after； and lived on rice…water during the rest of the
voyage。 The anecdote is trivial； but it shows the power of Julia
Jowler over me。
The writers of marine novels have so exhausted the subject of
storms； shipwrecks； mutinies； engagements； sea…sickness； and so
forth； that （although I have experienced each of these in many
varieties） I think it quite unnecessary to recount such trifling
adventures； suffice it to say； that during our five months' trajet；
my mad passion for Julia daily increased； so did the captain's and
the surgeon's； so did Colonel Lilywhite's； so did the doctor's； the
mate'sthat of most part of the passengers； and a considerable
number of the crew。 For myself； I sworeensign as I wasI would
win her for my wife； I vowed that I would make her glorious with my
swordthat as soon as I had made a favorable impression on my
commanding officer （which I did not doubt to create）； I would lay
open to him the state of my affections； and demand his daughter's
hand。 With such sentimental outpourings did our voyage continue
and conclude。
We landed at the Sunderbunds on a grilling hot day in December；
1802； and then for the moment Julia and I separated。 She was
carried off to her papa's arms in a palanquin； surrounded by at
least forty hookahbadars； whilst the poor cornet； attended but by
two dandies and a solitary beasty （by which unnatural name these
blackamoors are called）； made his way humbly to join the regiment
at head…quarters。
The th Regiment of Bengal Cavalry； then under the command of
Lieut。…Colonel Julius Jowler； C。B。； was known throughout Asia and
Europe by the proud title of the Bundelcund Invinciblesso great
was its character for bravery； so remarkable were its services in
that delightful district of India。 Major Sir George Gutch was next
in command； and Tom Thrupp； as kind a fellow as ever ran a Mahratta
through the body； was second Major。 We were on the eve of that
remarkable war which was speedily to spread throughout the whole of
India； to call forth the valor of a Wellesley； and the indomitable
gallantry of a Gahagan； which was illustrated by our victories at
Ahmednuggar （where I was the first over the barricade at the
storming of the Pettah）； at Argaum； where I slew with my own sword
twenty…three matchlock…men； and cut a dromedary in two； and by that
terrible day of Assaye； where Wellesley would have been beaten but
for meme alone： I headed nineteen charges of cavalry； took （aided
by only four men of my own troop） seventeen field…pieces； killing
the scoundrelly French artillerymen； on that day I had eleven
elephants shot under me； and carried away Scindiah's nose…ring with
a pistol…ball。 Wellesley is a Duke and a Marshal； I but a simple
Major of Irregulars。 Such is fortune and war！ But my feelings
carry me away from my narrative； which had better proceed with more
order。
On arriving； I say； at our barracks at Dum Dum； I for the first
time put on the beautiful uniform of the Invincibles： a light blue
swallow…tailed jacket with silver lace and wings； ornamented
with about 3；000 sugar…loaf buttons； rhubarb…colored leather
inexpressibles （tights）； and red morocco boots with silver spurs
and tassels； set off to admiration the handsome persons of the
officers of our corps。 We wore powder in those days； and a
regulation pigtail of seventeen inches； a brass helmet surrounded
by leopard…skin with a bearskin top and a horsetail feather； gave
the head a fierce and chivalrous appearance； which is far more
easily imagined than described。
Attired in this magnificent costume； I first presented myself
before Colonel Jowler。 He was habited in a manner precisely
similar； but not being more than five feet in height； and weighing
at least fifteen stone； the dress he wore did not become him quite
so much as slimmer and taller men。 Flanked by his tall Majors；
Thrupp and Gutch； he looked like a stumpy skittle…ball between two
attenuated skittles。 The plump little Colonel received me with
vast cordiality； and I speedily became a prime favorite with
himself and the other officers of the corps。 Jowler was the most
hospitable of men； and gratifying my appetite and my love together；
I continually partook of his dinners； and feasted on the sweet
presence of Julia。
I can see now； what I would not and could not perceive in those
early days； that this Miss Jowleron whom I had lavished my first
and warmest love； whom I had endowed with all perfection and
puritywas no better than a little impudent flirt； who played with
my feelings； because during the monotony of a sea…voyage she had no
other toy to play with； and who deserted others for me； and me for
others； just as her whim or her interest might guide her。 She had
not been three weeks at head…quarters when half the regiment was in
love with her。 Each and all of the candidates had some favor to
boast of； or some encouraging hopes on which to build。 It was the
scene of the 〃Samuel Snob〃 over again； only heightened in interest
by a number of duels。 The following list will give the reader a
notion of some of them：
1。 Cornet Gahagan 。 。 Ensign Hicks； of the Sappers and Miners。
Hicks received a ball in his jaw； and was half choked by a quantity
of carroty whiske