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this country sixty years ago as a cabin…boy； had arrived to be the
head of a great house in India； and was worth millions； we were
told。
Three years after Jemimarann's birth （and two after the death of my
lamented father…in…law）； Tuggeridge （head of the great house of
Budgurow and Co。） retired from the management of it； handed over
his shares to his son； Mr。 John Tuggeridge； and came to live in
England； at Portland Place； and Tuggeridgeville； Surrey； and enjoy
himself。 Soon after； my wife took her daughter in her hand and
went； as in duty bound； to visit her uncle： but whether it was that
he was proud and surly； or she somewhat sharp in her way； （the dear
girl fears nobody； let me have you to know；） a desperate quarrel
took place between them； and from that day to the day of his death；
he never set eyes on her。 All that he would condescend to do； was
to take a few dozen of lavender…water from us in the course of the
year； and to send his servants to be cut and shaved by us。 All the
neighbors laughed at this poor ending of our expectations； for
Jemmy had bragged not a little； however； we did not care； for the
connection was always a good one； and we served Mr。 Hock； the
valet； Mr。 Bar； the coachman； and Mrs。 Breadbasket； the housekeeper；
willingly enough。 I used to powder the footman； too； on great days；
but never in my life saw old Tuggeridge； except once： when he said
〃Oh； the barber！〃 tossed up his nose； and passed on。
One dayone famous day last Januaryall our Market was thrown
into a high state of excitement by the appearance of no less than
three vehicles at our establishment。 As me； Jemmy； my daughter；
Tug； and Orlando； were sitting in the back…parlor over our dinner
（it being Christmas…time； Mr。 Crump had treated the ladies to a
bottle of port； and was longing that there should be a mistletoe…
bough： at which proposal my little Jemimarann looked as red as a
glass of negus）：we had just； I say； finished the port； when； all
of a sudden； Tug bellows out； 〃La； Pa； here's uncle Tuggeridge's
housekeeper in a cab！〃
And Mrs。 Breadbasket it was； sure enoughMrs。 Breadbasket in deep
mourning； who made her way； bowing and looking very sad； into the
back shop。 My wife； who respected Mrs。 B。 more than anything else
in the world； set her a chair； offered her a glass of wine； and
vowed it was very kind of her to come。 〃La； mem；〃 says Mrs。 B。；
〃I'm sure I'd do anything to serve your family； for the sake of
that poor dear Tuck…Tuck…tug…guggeridge； that's gone。〃
〃That's what？〃 cries my wife。
〃What； gone？〃 cried Jemimarann； bursting out crying （as little
girls will about anything or nothing）； and Orlando looking very
rueful； and ready to cry too。
〃Yes； gaw〃 Just as she was at this very 〃gaw〃 Tug roars out；
〃La； Pa！ here's Mr。 Bar； uncle Tug's coachman！〃
It was Mr。 Bar。 When she saw him； Mrs。 Breadbasket stepped
suddenly back into the parlor with my ladies。 〃What is it； Mr。
Bar？〃 says I； and as quick as thought； I had the towel under his
chin； Mr。 Bar in the chair； and the whole of his face in a
beautiful foam of lather。 Mr。 Bar made some resistance。〃Don't
think of it； Mr。 Cox；〃 says he； 〃don't trouble yourself； sir。〃 But
I lathered away and never minded。 〃And what's this melancholy
event； sir；〃 says I； 〃that has spread desolation in your family's
bosoms？ I can feel for your loss； sirI can feel for your loss。〃
I said so out of politeness； because I served the family； not
because Tuggeridge was my uncleno； as such I disown him。
Mr。 Bar was just about to speak。 〃Yes； sir；〃 says he； 〃my master's
gaw〃 when at the 〃gaw〃 in walks Mr。 Hock； the own man！the
finest gentleman I ever saw。
〃What； YOU here； Mr。 Bar！〃 says he。
〃Yes； I am； sir； and haven't I a right； sir？〃
〃A mighty wet day； sir；〃 says I to Mr。 Hockstepping up and making
my bow。 〃A sad circumstance too； sir！ And is it a turn of the
tongs that you want to…day； sir？ Ho； there； Mr。 Crump！〃
〃Turn； Mr。 Crump； if you please； sir；〃 said Mr。 Hock； making a bow：
〃but from you； sir； neverno； never； split me！and I wonder how
some fellows can have the INSOLENCE to allow their MASTERS to shave
them！〃 With this； Mr。 Hock flung himself down to be curled： Mr。
Bar suddenly opened his mouth in order to reply； but seeing there
was a tiff between the gentlemen； and wanting to prevent a quarrel；
I rammed the Advertiser into Mr。 Hock's hands； and just popped my
shaving…brush into Mr。 Bar's moutha capital way to stop angry
answers。
Mr。 Bar had hardly been in the chair one second； when whir comes a
hackney…coach to the door； from which springs a gentleman in a
black coat with a bag。
〃What； you here！〃 says the gentleman。 I could not help smiling；
for it seemed that everybody was to begin by saying； 〃What； YOU
here！〃 〃Your name is Cox； sir？〃 says he； smiling too； as the very
pattern of mine。 〃My name； sir； is Sharpus；Blunt； Hone and
Sharpus； Middle Temple Lane；and I am proud to salute you； sir；
happy；that is to say； sorry to say that Mr。 Tuggeridge； of
Portland Place； is dead； and your lady is heiress； in consequence；
to one of the handsomest properties in the kingdom。〃
At this I started； and might have sunk to the ground； but for my
hold of Mr。 Bar's nose； Orlando seemed putrified to stone； with his
irons fixed to Mr。 Hock's head； our respective patients gave a
wince out：Mrs。 C。； Jemimarann； and Tug； rushed from the back
shop； and we formed a splendid tableau such as the great Cruikshank
might have depicted。
〃And Mr。 John Tuggeridge； sir？〃 says I。
〃Whyhee； hee； hee！〃 says Mr。 Sharpus。 〃Surely you know that he
was only thehee； hee； hee！the natural son！〃
You now can understand why the servants from Portland Place had
been so eager to come to us。 One of the house…maids heard Mr。
Sharpus say there was no will； and that my wife was heir to the
property； and not Mr。 John Tuggeridge： this she told in the
housekeeper's room； and off； as soon as they heard it； the whole
party set； in order to be the first to bear the news。
We kept them； every one in their old places； for； though my wife
would have sent them about their business； my dear Jemimarann just
hinted； 〃Mamma； you know THEY have been used to great houses； and
we have not； had we not better keep them for a little？〃Keep them；
then； we did； to show us how to be gentlefolks。
I handed over the business to Mr。 Crump without a single farthing
of premium； though Jemmy would have made me take four hundred
pounds for it； but this I was above： Crump had served me
faithfully； and have the shop he should。
FIRST ROUT。
We were speedily installed in our fine house： but what's a house
without friends？ Jemmy made me CUT all my old acquaintances in
the Market； and I was a solitary being； when； luckily； an old
acquaintance of ours； Captain Tagrag； was so kind as to promise to
introduce us into distinguished society。 Tagrag was the son of a
baronet； and had done us the honor of lodging with us for two
years； when we lost sight of him； and of his little account； too；
by the way。 A fortnight after； hearing of our good fortune； he was
among us again； however； and Jemmy was not a little glad to see
him； knowing him to be a baronet's son； and very fond of our
Jemimarann。 Indeed； Orlando （who is as brave as a lion） had on one
occasion absolutely beaten Mr。 Tagrag for being rude to the poor
girl： a clear proof； as Tagrag said afterwards； that he was always
fond of her。
Mr。 Crump； poor fellow； was not very much pleased by our good
fortune； though he did all he could to try at first； and I told him
to come and take his dinner regular； as if nothing had happened。
But to this Jemima very soon put a stop； for she came very justly
to know her stature； and to look down on Crump； which she bid her
daughter to do； and； after a great scene； in which Orlando showed
himself very rude and angry； he was forbidden the housefor ever！
So much for poor Crump。 The Captain was now all in all with us。
〃You see； sir；〃 our Jemmy would say； 〃we shall have our town and
country mansion； and a hundred and thirty thousand pounds in the
funds； to leave between our two children； and； with such prospects；
they ought surely to have the first society of England。〃 To this
Tagrag agreed； and promised to bring us acquainted with the very
pink of the fashion； ay； and what's more； did。
First； he made my wife get an opera…box； and give suppers on
Tuesdays and Saturdays。 As for me； he made me ride in the Park： me
and Jemimarann； with two grooms behind us； who used to laugh all
the way； and whose very beards I had shaved。 As for little Tug； he
was sent straight off to the most fashionable school in the
kingdom； the Reverend Doctor Pigney's； at Richmond。
Well； the horses； the suppers； the opera…box； the paragraphs in the
papers about Mr。 Coxe Coxe （that's the way： double y