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Well; the horses; the suppers; the opera…box; the paragraphs in the
papers about Mr。 Coxe Coxe (that's the way: double your name and
stick an 〃e〃 to the end of it; and you are a gentleman at once);
had an effect in a wonderfully short space of time; and we began to
get a very pretty society about us。 Some of old Tug's friends
swore they would do anything for the family; and brought their
wives and daughters to see dear Mrs。 Coxe and her charming girl;
and when; about the first week in February; we announced a grand
dinner and ball for the evening of the twenty…eighth; I assure you
there was no want of company: no; nor of titles neither; and it
always does my heart good even to hear one mentioned。
Let me see。 There was; first; my Lord Dunboozle; an Irish peer;
and his seven sons; the Honorable Messieurs Trumper (two only to
dinner): there was Count Mace; the celebrated French nobleman; and
his Excellency Baron von Punter from Baden; there was Lady Blanche
Bluenose; the eminent literati; author of 〃The Distrusted〃 〃The
Distorted;〃 〃The Disgusted;〃 〃The Disreputable One;〃 and other
poems; there was the Dowager Lady Max and her daughter; the
Honorable Miss Adelaide Blueruin; Sir Charles Codshead; from the
City; and Field…Marshal Sir Gorman O'Gallagher; K。A。; K。B。; K。C。;
K。W。; K。X。; in the service of the Republic of Guatemala: my friend
Tagrag and his fashionable acquaintance; little Tom Tufthunt; made
up the party。 And when the doors were flung open; and Mr。 Hock; in
black; with a white napkin; three footmen; coachman; and a lad whom
Mrs。 C。 had dressed in sugar…loaf buttons and called a page; were
seen round the dinner…table; all in white gloves; I promise you I
felt a thrill of elation; and thought to myselfSam Cox; Sam Cox;
who ever would have expected to see you here?
After dinner; there was to be; as I said; an evening…party; and
to this Messieurs Tagrag and Tufthunt had invited many of the
principal nobility that our metropolis had produced。 When I
mention; among the company to tea; her Grace the Duchess of Zero;
her son the Marquis of Fitzurse; and the Ladies North Pole her
daughters; when I say that there were yet OTHERS; whose names may
be found in the Blue Book; but shan't; out of modesty; be mentioned
here; I think I've said enough to show that; in our time; No。 96;
Portland Place; was the resort of the best of company。
It was our first dinner; and dressed by our new cook; Munseer
Cordongblew。 I bore it very well; eating; for my share; a filly
dysol allamater dotell; a cutlet soubeast; a pully bashymall; and
other French dishes: and; for the frisky sweet wine; with tin tops
to the bottles; called Champang; I must say that me and Mrs。 Coxe…
Tuggeridge Coxe drank a very good share of it (but the Claret and
Jonnysberger; being sour; we did not much relish)。 However; the
feed; as I say; went off very well: Lady Blanche Bluenose sitting
next to me; and being so good as to put me down for six copies of
all her poems; the Count and Baron von Punter engaging Jemimarann
for several waltzes; and the Field…Marshal plying my dear Jemmy
with Champagne; until; bless her! her dear nose became as red as
her new crimson satin gown; which; with a blue turban and bird…of…
paradise feathers; made her look like an empress; I warrant。
Well; dinner past; Mrs。 C。 and the ladies went off:thunder…under…
under came the knocks at the door; squeedle…eedle…eedle; Mr。
Wippert's fiddlers began to strike up; and; about half…past eleven;
me and the gents thought it high time to make our appearance。 I
felt a LITTLE squeamish at the thought of meeting a couple of
hundred great people; but Count Mace and Sir Gorman O'Gallagher
taking each an arm; we reached; at last; the drawing…room。
The young ones in company were dancing; and the Duchess and the
great ladies were all seated; talking to themselves very stately;
and working away at the ices and macaroons。 I looked out for my
pretty Jemimarann amongst the dancers; and saw her tearing round
the room along with Baron Punter; in what they call a gallypard;
then I peeped into the circle of the Duchesses; where; in course; I
expected to find Mrs。 C。; but she wasn't there! She was seated at
the further end of the room; looking very sulky; and I went up and
took her arm; and brought her down to the place where the Duchesses
were。 〃Oh; not there!〃 said Jemmy; trying to break away。
〃Nonsense; my dear;〃 says I: 〃you are missis; and this is your
place。〃 Then going up to her ladyship the Duchess; says I; 〃Me and
my missis are most proud of the honor of seeing of you。〃
The Duchess (a tall red…haired grenadier of a woman) did not speak。
I went on: 〃The young ones are all at it; ma'am; you see; and so we
thought we would come and sit down among the old ones。 You and I;
ma'am; I think; are too stiff to dance。〃
〃Sir!〃 says her Grace。
〃Ma'am;〃 says I; 〃don't you know me? My name's Cox。 Nobody's
introduced me; but; dash it; it's my own house; and I may present
myselfso give us your hand; ma'am。〃
And I shook hers in the kindest way in the world; butwould you
believe it?the old cat screamed as if my hand had been a hot
'tater。 〃Fitzurse! Fitzurse!〃 shouted she; 〃help! help!〃 Up
scuffled all the other Dowagersin rushed the dancers。 〃Mamma!
mamma!〃 squeaked Lady Julia North Pole。 〃Lead me to my mother;〃
howled Lady Aurorer: and both came up and flung themselves into her
arms。 〃Wawt's the raw?〃 said Lord Fitzurse; sauntering up quite
stately。
〃Protect me from the insults of this man;〃 says her Grace。 〃Where's
Tufthunt? he promised that not a soul in this house should speak
to me。〃
〃My dear Duchess;〃 said Tufthunt; very meek。
〃Don't Duchess ME; sir。 Did you not promise they should not speak;
and hasn't that horrid tipsy wretch offered to embrace me? Didn't
his monstrous wife sicken me with her odious familiarities? Call
my people; Tufthunt! Follow me; my children!〃
〃And my carriage;〃 〃And mine;〃 〃And mine!〃 shouted twenty more
voices。 And down they all trooped to the hall: Lady Blanche
Bluenose and Lady Max among the very first; leaving only the
Field…Marshal and one or two men; who roared with laughter ready
to split。
〃Oh; Sam;〃 said my wife; sobbing; 〃why would you take me back to
them? they had sent me away before! I only asked the Duchess
whether she didn't like rum…shrub better than all your Maxarinos
and Curasosos: andwould you believe it?all the company burst
out laughing; and the Duchess told me just to keep off; and not to
speak till I was spoken to。 Imperence! I'd like to tear her eyes
out。〃
And so I do believe my dearest Jemmy would!
A DAY WITH THE SURREY HOUNDS。
Our ball had failed so completely that Jemmy; who was bent still
upon fashion; caught eagerly at Tagrag's suggestion; and went down
to Tuggeridgeville。 If we had a difficulty to find friends in
town; here there was none: for the whole county came about us; ate
our dinners and suppers; danced at our ballsay; and spoke to us
too。 We were great people in fact: I a regular country gentleman;
and as such; Jemmy insisted that I should be a sportsman; and join
the county hunt。 〃But;〃 says I; 〃my love; I can't ride。〃 〃Pooh!
Mr。 C。〃 said she; 〃you're always making difficulties: you thought
you couldn't dance a quadrille; you thought you couldn't dine at
seven o'clock; you thought you couldn't lie in bed after six; and
haven't you done every one of these things? You must and you shall
ride!〃 And when my Jemmy said 〃must and shall;〃 I knew very well
there was nothing for it: so I sent down fifty guineas to the hunt;
and; out of compliment to me; the very next week; I received notice
that the meet of the hounds would take place at Squashtail Common;
just outside my lodge…gates。
I didn't know what a meet was; and me and Mrs。 C。 agreed that it
was most probable the dogs were to be fed there。 However; Tagrag
explained this matter to us; and very kindly promised to sell me a
horse; a delightful animal of his own; which; being desperately
pressed for money; he would let me have for a hundred guineas; he
himself having given a hundred and fifty for it。
Well; the Thursday came: the hounds met on Squashtail Common; Mrs。
C。 turned out in her barouche to see us throw off; and; being
helped up on my chestnut horse; Trumpeter; by Tagrag and my head
groom; I came presently round to join them。
Tag mounted his own horse; and; as we walked down the avenue; 〃I
thought;〃 he said; 〃you told me you knew how to ride; and that you
had ridden once fifty miles on a stretch!〃
〃And so I did;〃 says I; 〃to Cambridge; and on the box too。〃
〃ON THE BOX!〃 says he; 〃but did you ever mount a horse before?〃
〃Never;〃 says I; 〃but I find it mighty easy。〃
〃Well;〃 says he; 〃you're mighty bold for a barber; and I like you;
Coxe; for your spirit。〃 And so w