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burlesques-第93章

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Well; the horses; the suppers; the opera…box; the paragraphs in the

papers about Mr。 Coxe Coxe (that's the way: double your name and

stick an 〃e〃 to the end of it; and you are a gentleman at once);

had an effect in a wonderfully short space of time; and we began to

get a very pretty society about us。  Some of old Tug's friends

swore they would do anything for the family; and brought their

wives and daughters to see dear Mrs。 Coxe and her charming girl;

and when; about the first week in February; we announced a grand

dinner and ball for the evening of the twenty…eighth; I assure you

there was no want of company: no; nor of titles neither; and it

always does my heart good even to hear one mentioned。



Let me see。  There was; first; my Lord Dunboozle; an Irish peer;

and his seven sons; the Honorable Messieurs Trumper (two only to

dinner): there was Count Mace; the celebrated French nobleman; and

his Excellency Baron von Punter from Baden; there was Lady Blanche

Bluenose; the eminent literati; author of 〃The Distrusted〃 〃The

Distorted;〃 〃The Disgusted;〃 〃The Disreputable One;〃 and other

poems; there was the Dowager Lady Max and her daughter; the

Honorable Miss Adelaide Blueruin; Sir Charles Codshead; from the

City; and Field…Marshal Sir Gorman O'Gallagher; K。A。; K。B。; K。C。;

K。W。; K。X。; in the service of the Republic of Guatemala: my friend

Tagrag and his fashionable acquaintance; little Tom Tufthunt; made

up the party。  And when the doors were flung open; and Mr。 Hock; in

black; with a white napkin; three footmen; coachman; and a lad whom

Mrs。 C。 had dressed in sugar…loaf buttons and called a page; were

seen round the dinner…table; all in white gloves; I promise you I

felt a thrill of elation; and thought to myselfSam Cox; Sam Cox;

who ever would have expected to see you here?



After dinner; there was to be; as I said; an evening…party; and

to this Messieurs Tagrag and Tufthunt had invited many of the

principal nobility that our metropolis had produced。  When I

mention; among the company to tea; her Grace the Duchess of Zero;

her son the Marquis of Fitzurse; and the Ladies North Pole her

daughters; when I say that there were yet OTHERS; whose names may

be found in the Blue Book; but shan't; out of modesty; be mentioned

here; I think I've said enough to show that; in our time; No。 96;

Portland Place; was the resort of the best of company。



It was our first dinner; and dressed by our new cook; Munseer

Cordongblew。  I bore it very well; eating; for my share; a filly

dysol allamater dotell; a cutlet soubeast; a pully bashymall; and

other French dishes: and; for the frisky sweet wine; with tin tops

to the bottles; called Champang; I must say that me and Mrs。 Coxe…

Tuggeridge Coxe drank a very good share of it (but the Claret and

Jonnysberger; being sour; we did not much relish)。  However; the

feed; as I say; went off very well: Lady Blanche Bluenose sitting

next to me; and being so good as to put me down for six copies of

all her poems; the Count and Baron von Punter engaging Jemimarann

for several waltzes; and the Field…Marshal plying my dear Jemmy

with Champagne; until; bless her! her dear nose became as red as

her new crimson satin gown; which; with a blue turban and bird…of…

paradise feathers; made her look like an empress; I warrant。



Well; dinner past; Mrs。 C。 and the ladies went off:thunder…under…

under came the knocks at the door; squeedle…eedle…eedle; Mr。

Wippert's fiddlers began to strike up; and; about half…past eleven;

me and the gents thought it high time to make our appearance。  I

felt a LITTLE squeamish at the thought of meeting a couple of

hundred great people; but Count Mace and Sir Gorman O'Gallagher

taking each an arm; we reached; at last; the drawing…room。



The young ones in company were dancing; and the Duchess and the

great ladies were all seated; talking to themselves very stately;

and working away at the ices and macaroons。  I looked out for my

pretty Jemimarann amongst the dancers; and saw her tearing round

the room along with Baron Punter; in what they call a gallypard;

then I peeped into the circle of the Duchesses; where; in course; I

expected to find Mrs。 C。; but she wasn't there!  She was seated at

the further end of the room; looking very sulky; and I went up and

took her arm; and brought her down to the place where the Duchesses


were。  〃Oh; not there!〃 said Jemmy; trying to break away。

〃Nonsense; my dear;〃 says I: 〃you are missis; and this is your

place。〃  Then going up to her ladyship the Duchess; says I; 〃Me and

my missis are most proud of the honor of seeing of you。〃



The Duchess (a tall red…haired grenadier of a woman) did not speak。



I went on: 〃The young ones are all at it; ma'am; you see; and so we

thought we would come and sit down among the old ones。  You and I;

ma'am; I think; are too stiff to dance。〃



〃Sir!〃 says her Grace。



〃Ma'am;〃 says I; 〃don't you know me?  My name's Cox。  Nobody's

introduced me; but; dash it; it's my own house; and I may present

myselfso give us your hand; ma'am。〃



And I shook hers in the kindest way in the world; butwould you

believe it?the old cat screamed as if my hand had been a hot

'tater。  〃Fitzurse! Fitzurse!〃 shouted she; 〃help! help!〃  Up

scuffled all the other Dowagersin rushed the dancers。  〃Mamma!

mamma!〃 squeaked Lady Julia North Pole。  〃Lead me to my mother;〃

howled Lady Aurorer: and both came up and flung themselves into her

arms。  〃Wawt's the raw?〃 said Lord Fitzurse; sauntering up quite

stately。



〃Protect me from the insults of this man;〃 says her Grace。  〃Where's

Tufthunt? he promised that not a soul in this house should speak

to me。〃



〃My dear Duchess;〃 said Tufthunt; very meek。



〃Don't Duchess ME; sir。  Did you not promise they should not speak;

and hasn't that horrid tipsy wretch offered to embrace me?  Didn't

his monstrous wife sicken me with her odious familiarities?  Call

my people; Tufthunt!  Follow me; my children!〃



〃And my carriage;〃 〃And mine;〃 〃And mine!〃 shouted twenty more

voices。  And down they all trooped to the hall: Lady Blanche

Bluenose and Lady Max among the very first; leaving only the

Field…Marshal and one or two men; who roared with laughter ready

to split。



〃Oh; Sam;〃 said my wife; sobbing; 〃why would you take me back to

them? they had sent me away before!  I only asked the Duchess

whether she didn't like rum…shrub better than all your Maxarinos

and Curasosos: andwould you believe it?all the company burst

out laughing; and the Duchess told me just to keep off; and not to

speak till I was spoken to。  Imperence!  I'd like to tear her eyes

out。〃



And so I do believe my dearest Jemmy would!





A DAY WITH THE SURREY HOUNDS。





Our ball had failed so completely that Jemmy; who was bent still

upon fashion; caught eagerly at Tagrag's suggestion; and went down

to Tuggeridgeville。  If we had a difficulty to find friends in

town; here there was none: for the whole county came about us; ate

our dinners and suppers; danced at our ballsay; and spoke to us

too。  We were great people in fact: I a regular country gentleman;

and as such; Jemmy insisted that I should be a sportsman; and join

the county hunt。  〃But;〃 says I; 〃my love; I can't ride。〃  〃Pooh!

Mr。 C。〃 said she; 〃you're always making difficulties: you thought

you couldn't dance a quadrille; you thought you couldn't dine at

seven o'clock; you thought you couldn't lie in bed after six; and

haven't you done every one of these things?  You must and you shall

ride!〃  And when my Jemmy said 〃must and shall;〃 I knew very well

there was nothing for it: so I sent down fifty guineas to the hunt;

and; out of compliment to me; the very next week; I received notice

that the meet of the hounds would take place at Squashtail Common;

just outside my lodge…gates。



I didn't know what a meet was; and me and Mrs。 C。 agreed that it

was most probable the dogs were to be fed there。  However; Tagrag

explained this matter to us; and very kindly promised to sell me a

horse; a delightful animal of his own; which; being desperately

pressed for money; he would let me have for a hundred guineas; he

himself having given a hundred and fifty for it。



Well; the Thursday came: the hounds met on Squashtail Common; Mrs。

C。 turned out in her barouche to see us throw off; and; being

helped up on my chestnut horse; Trumpeter; by Tagrag and my head

groom; I came presently round to join them。



Tag mounted his own horse; and; as we walked down the avenue; 〃I

thought;〃 he said; 〃you told me you knew how to ride; and that you

had ridden once fifty miles on a stretch!〃



〃And so I did;〃 says I; 〃to Cambridge; and on the box too。〃



〃ON THE BOX!〃 says he; 〃but did you ever mount a horse before?〃



〃Never;〃 says I; 〃but I find it mighty easy。〃



〃Well;〃 says he; 〃you're mighty bold for a barber; and I like you;

Coxe; for your spirit。〃  And so w
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