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in the boxes。
The opera is bad enough； but what is that to the bally？ You SHOULD
have seen my Jemmy the first night when she stopped to see it； and
when Madamsalls Fanny and Theresa Hustler came forward； along with
a gentleman； to dance； you should have seen how Jemmy stared； and
our girl blushed； when Madamsall Fanny； coming forward； stood on
the tips of only five of her toes； and raising up the other five；
and the foot belonging to them； almost to her shoulder； twirled
round； and round； and round； like a teetotum； for a couple of
minutes or more； and as she settled down； at last； on both feet； in
a natural decent posture； you should have heard how the house
roared with applause； the boxes clapping with all their might； and
waving their handkerchiefs； the pit shouting； 〃 Bravo！〃 Some
people； who； I suppose； were rather angry at such an exhibition；
threw bunches of flowers at her； and what do you think she did？
Why； hang me； if she did not come forward； as though nothing had
happened； gather up the things they had thrown at her； smile； press
them to her heart； and begin whirling round again faster than ever。
Talk about coolness； I never saw such in all MY born days。
〃Nasty thing！〃 says Jemmy； starting up in a fury； 〃if women WILL
act so； it serves them right to be treated so。〃
〃Oh； yes！ she acts beautifully；〃 says our friend his Excellency；
who along with Baron von Punter and Tagrag； used very seldom to
miss coming to our box。
〃She may act very beautifully； Munseer； but she don't dress so； and
I am very glad they threw that orange…peel and all those things at
her； and that the people waved to her to get off。〃
Here his Excellency； and the Baron and Tag； set up a roar of
laughter。
〃My dear Mrs。 Coxe；〃 says Tag； 〃those are the most famous dancers
in the world； and we throw myrtle； geraniums； and lilies and roses
at them； in token of our immense admiration！〃
〃Well； I never！〃 said my wife； and poor Jemimarann slunk behind the
curtain； and looked as red as it almost。 After the one had done
the next begun； but when； all of a sudden； a somebody came skipping
and bounding in； like an Indian…rubber ball； flinging itself up； at
least six feet from the stage； and there shaking about its legs
like mad； we were more astonished than ever！
〃That's Anatole；〃 says one of the gentlemen。
〃Anna who？〃 says my wife； and she might well be mistaken： for this
person had a hat and feathers； a bare neck and arms； great black
ringlets； and a little calico frock； which came down to the knees。
〃Anatole。 You would not think he was sixty…three years old； he's
as active as a man of twenty。〃
〃HE！〃 shrieked out my wife； 〃what； is that there a man？ For shame！
Munseer。 Jemimarann； dear； get your cloak； and come along； and
I'll thank you； my dear； to call our people； and let us go home。〃
You wouldn't think； after this； that my Jemmy； who had shown such a
horror at the bally； as they call it； should ever grow accustomed
to it； but she liked to hear her name shouted out in the crush…
room； and so would stop till the end of everything； and； law bless
you！ in three weeks from that time； she could look at the ballet as
she would at a dancing…dog in the streets； and would bring her
double…barrelled opera…glass up to her eyes as coolly as if she had
been a born duchess。 As for me； I did at Rome as Rome does； and
precious fun it used to be； sometimes。
My friend the Baron insisted one night on my going behind the
scenes； where； being a subscriber； he said I had what they call my
ONTRAY。 Behind； then； I went； and such a place you never saw nor
heard of！ Fancy lots of young and old gents of the fashion
crowding round and staring at the actresses practising their steps。
Fancy yellow snuffy foreigners； chattering always； and smelling
fearfully of tobacco。 Fancy scores of Jews； with hooked…noses and
black muzzles； covered with rings； chains； sham diamonds； and gold
waistcoats。 Fancy old men dressed in old nightgowns； with knock…
knees； and dirty flesh…colored cotton stockings； and dabs of brick…
dust on their wrinkled old chops； and tow…wigs （such wigs！） for the
bald ones； and great tin spears in their hands mayhap； or else
shepherds' crooks； and fusty garlands of flowers made of red and
green baize。 Fancy troops of girls giggling； chattering； pushing
to and fro； amidst old black canvas； Gothic halls； thrones；
pasteboard Cupids； dragons； and such like。 Such dirt； darkness；
crowd； confusion and gabble of all conceivable languages was never
known！
If you COULD but have seen Munseer Anatole！ Instead of looking
twenty； he looked a thousand。 The old man's wig was off； and a
barber was giving it a touch with the tongs； Munseer was taking
snuff himself； and a boy was standing by with a pint of beer from
the public…house at the corner of Charles Street。
I met with a little accident during the three…quarters of an hour
which they allow for the entertainment of us men of fashion on the
stage； before the curtain draws up for the bally； while the ladies
in the boxes are gaping； and the people in the pit are drumming
with their feet and canes in the rudest manner possible； as though
they couldn't wait。
Just at the moment before the little bell rings and the curtain
flies up； and we scuffle off to the sides （for we always stay till
the very last moment）； I was in the middle of the stage； making
myself very affable to the fair figgerantys which was spinning and
twirling about me； and asking them if they wasn't cold； and such
like politeness； in the most condescending way possible； when a
bolt was suddenly withdrawn； and down I popped； through a trap in
the stage； into the place below。 Luckily I was stopped by a piece
of machinery； consisting of a heap of green blankets and a young
lady coming up as Venus rising from the sea。 If I had not fallen
so soft； I don't know what might have been the consequence of the
collusion。 I never told Mrs。 Coxe； for she can't bear to hear of
my paying the least attention to the fair sex。
STRIKING A BALANCE。
Next door to us； in Portland Place； lived the Right Honorable the
Earl of Kilblazes； of Kilmacrasy Castle； County Kildare； and his
mother the Dowager Countess。 Lady Kilblazes had a daughter； Lady
Juliana Matilda MacTurk； of the exact age of our dear Jemimarann；
and a son； the Honorable Arthur Wellington Anglesea Blucher Bulow
MacTurk； only ten months older than our boy Tug。
My darling Jemmy is a woman of spirit； and； as become her station；
made every possible attempt to become acquainted with the Dowager
Countess of Kilblazes； which her ladyship （because； forsooth； she
was the daughter of the Minister； and Prince of Wales's great
friend； the Earl of Portansherry） thought fit to reject。 I don't
wonder at my Jemmy growing so angry with her； and determining； in
every way； to put her ladyship down。 The Kilblazes' estate is not
so large as the Tuggeridge property by two thousand a year at
least； and so my wife； when our neighbors kept only two footmen；
was quite authorized in having three； and she made it a point； as
soon as ever the Kilblazes' carriage…and…pair came round； to have
out her own carriage…and…four。
Well； our box was next to theirs at the Opera； only twice as big。
Whatever masters went to Lady Juliana； came to my Jemimarann； and
what do you think Jemmy did？ she got her celebrated governess；
Madame de Flicflac； away from the Countess； by offering a double
salary。 It was quite a treasure； they said； to have Madame
Flicflac： she had been （to support her father； the Count； when he
emigrated） a FRENCH dancer at the ITALIAN Opera。 French dancing；
and Italian； therefore； we had at once； and in the best style： it
is astonishing how quick and well she used to speakthe French
especially。
Master Arthur MacTurk was at the famous school of the Reverend
Clement Coddler； along with a hundred and ten other young
fashionables； from the age of three to fifteen； and to this
establishment Jemmy sent our Tug； adding forty guineas to the
hundred and twenty paid every year for the boarders。 I think I
found out the dear soul's reason； for； one day； speaking about the
school to a mutual acquaintance of ours and the Kilblazes； she
whispered to him that 〃she never would have thought of sending her
darling boy at the rate which her next…door neighbors paid； THEIR
lad； she was sure； must be starved： however； poor people； they did
the best they could on their income！〃
Coddler's； in fact； was the tip…top school near London： he had been
tutor to the Duke of Buckminster； who had set him up in the school；
and； as I tell you； all the peerage and respectable commoners came
to it。 You read in the bill； （the snopsis； I think； Coddler called
it；） after the account of the charges for board； masters； extras；
&c。〃Every young nobleman （or gentleman） is expected to