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in a pile at the forward end of the stage； nearly in a sitting posture；
and in a second we would shoot to the other end； and stand on our heads。
And we would sprawl and kick； too； and ward off ends and corners of mail…
bags that came lumbering over us and about us； and as the dust rose from
the tumult； we would all sneeze in chorus； and the majority of us would
grumble； and probably say some hasty thing； like： 〃Take your elbow out of
my ribs！can't you quit crowding？〃
Every time we avalanched from one end of the stage to the other； the
Unabridged Dictionary would come too； and every time it came it damaged
somebody。 One trip it 〃barked〃 the Secretary's elbow； the next trip it
hurt me in the stomach； and the third it tilted Bemis's nose up till he
could look down his nostrilshe said。 The pistols and coin soon settled
to the bottom； but the pipes； pipe…stems； tobacco and canteens clattered
and floundered after the Dictionary every time it made an assault on us；
and aided and abetted the book by spilling tobacco in our eyes； and water
down our backs。
Still； all things considered； it was a very comfortable night。 It wore
gradually away； and when at last a cold gray light was visible through
the puckers and chinks in the curtains； we yawned and stretched with
satisfaction； shed our cocoons； and felt that we had slept as much as was
necessary。 By and by； as the sun rose up and warmed the world； we pulled
off our clothes and got ready for breakfast。 We were just pleasantly in
time； for five minutes afterward the driver sent the weird music of his
bugle winding over the grassy solitudes； and presently we detected a low
hut or two in the distance。 Then the rattling of the coach； the clatter
of our six horses' hoofs； and the driver's crisp commands； awoke to a
louder and stronger emphasis； and we went sweeping down on the station at
our smartest speed。 It was fascinatingthat old overland stagecoaching。
We jumped out in undress uniform。 The driver tossed his gathered reins
out on the ground； gaped and stretched complacently； drew off his heavy
buckskin gloves with great deliberation and insufferable dignitytaking
not the slightest notice of a dozen solicitous inquires after his health；
and humbly facetious and flattering accostings； and obsequious tenders of
service； from five or six hairy and half…civilized station…keepers and
hostlers who were nimbly unhitching our steeds and bringing the fresh
team out of the stablesfor in the eyes of the stage…driver of that day；
station…keepers and hostlers were a sort of good enough low creatures；
useful in their place； and helping to make up a world； but not the kind
of beings which a person of distinction could afford to concern himself
with； while； on the contrary； in the eyes of the station…keeper and the
hostler； the stage…driver was a heroa great and shining dignitary； the
world's favorite son； the envy of the people； the observed of the
nations。 When they spoke to him they received his insolent silence
meekly； and as being the natural and proper conduct of so great a man；
when he opened his lips they all hung on his words with admiration （he
never honored a particular individual with a remark； but addressed it
with a broad generality to the horses； the stables； the surrounding
country and the human underlings）； when he discharged a facetious
insulting personality at a hostler； that hostler was happy for the day；
when he uttered his one jestold as the hills； coarse； profane； witless；
and inflicted on the same audience； in the same language； every time his
coach drove up therethe varlets roared； and slapped their thighs； and
swore it was the best thing they'd ever heard in all their lives。 And
how they would fly around when he wanted a basin of water； a gourd of the
same； or a light for his pipe！but they would instantly insult a
passenger if he so far forgot himself as to crave a favor at their hands。
They could do that sort of insolence as well as the driver they copied it
fromfor； let it be borne in mind； the overland driver had but little
less contempt for his passengers than he had for his hostlers。
The hostlers and station…keepers treated the really powerful conductor of
the coach merely with the best of what was their idea of civility； but
the driver was the only being they bowed down to and worshipped。 How
admiringly they would gaze up at him in his high seat as he gloved
himself with lingering deliberation； while some happy hostler held the
bunch of reins aloft； and waited patiently for him to take it！ And how
they would bombard him with glorifying ejaculations as he cracked his
long whip and went careering away。
The station buildings were long； low huts； made of sundried； mud…colored
bricks； laid up without mortar （adobes； the Spaniards call these bricks；
and Americans shorten it to 'dobies）。 The roofs； which had no slant to
them worth speaking of； were thatched and then sodded or covered with a
thick layer of earth； and from this sprung a pretty rank growth of weeds
and grass。 It was the first time we had ever seen a man's front yard on
top of his house。 The building consisted of barns； stable…room for
twelve or fifteen horses； and a hut for an eating…room for passengers。
This latter had bunks in it for the station…keeper and a hostler or two。
You could rest your elbow on its eaves； and you had to bend in order to
get in at the door。 In place of a window there was a square hole about
large enough for a man to crawl through； but this had no glass in it。
There was no flooring； but the ground was packed hard。 There was no
stove； but the fire…place served all needful purposes。 There were no
shelves； no cupboards； no closets。 In a corner stood an open sack of
flour； and nestling against its base were a couple of black and venerable
tin coffee…pots； a tin teapot； a little bag of salt； and a side of bacon。
By the door of the station…keeper's den； outside； was a tin wash…basin；
on the ground。 Near it was a pail of water and a piece of yellow bar
soap； and from the eaves hung a hoary blue woolen shirt； significantly
but this latter was the station…keeper's private towel； and only two
persons in all the party might venture to use itthe stage…driver and
the conductor。 The latter would not； from a sense of decency； the former
would not； because did not choose to encourage the advances of a station…
keeper。 We had towelsin the valise； they might as well have been in
Sodom and Gomorrah。 We （and the conductor） used our handkerchiefs； and
the driver his pantaloons and sleeves。 By the door； inside； was fastened
a small old…fashioned looking…glass frame； with two little fragments of
the original mirror lodged down in one corner of it。 This arrangement
afforded a pleasant double…barreled portrait of you when you looked into
it； with one half of your head set up a couple of inches above the other
half。 From the glass frame hung the half of a comb by a stringbut if I
had to describe that patriarch or die； I believe I would order some
sample coffins。
It had come down from Esau and Samson； and had been accumulating hair
ever sincealong with certain impurities。 In one corner of the room
stood three or four rifles and muskets； together with horns and pouches
of ammunition。 The station…men wore pantaloons of coarse； country…woven
stuff； and into the seat and the inside of the legs were sewed ample
additions of buckskin； to do duty in place of leggings； when the man rode
horsebackso the pants were half dull blue and half yellow； and
unspeakably picturesque。 The pants were stuffed into the tops of high
boots； the heels whereof were armed with great Spanish spurs； whose
little iron clogs and chains jingled with every step。 The man wore a
huge beard and mustachios； an old slouch hat； a blue woolen shirt； no
suspenders； no vest； no coatin a leathern sheath in his belt； a great
long 〃navy〃 revolver （slung on right side； hammer to the front）； and
projecting from his boot a horn…handled bowie…knife。 The furniture of
the hut was neither gorgeous nor much in the way。 The rocking…chairs and
sofas were not present； and never had been； but they were represented by
two three…legged stools； a pine…board bench four feet long； and two empty
candle…boxes。 The table was a greasy board on stilts； and the table…
cloth and napkins had not comeand they were not looking for them；
either。 A battered tin platter； a knife and fork； and a tin pint cup；
were at each man's place； and the driver had a queens…ware saucer that
had seen better days。 Of course this duke sat at the head of the table。
There was one isolated piece of table furniture that bore about it a
touching air of grandeur in misfortune。 This was the caster。 It was
German silver； and crippled and rusty； but it was so preposterously out
of place there that it was suggestive of a tattered exiled king among
barbarians； and the majesty of its native position compelled respect even
in its degradation。
There was only one cruet left； and that was a stopperless； fly…specked；
broken…necked thing； with two inches of vinegar in it； and a dozen
preserved flies with their heels up and looking sorry they had invested