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declination； its fits and intermissions： a man does not always hold on
at the same rate。 I have been so sparing of my promises； that I think
I have been better than my word。 They have found me faithful even to
service of their inconstancy； a confessed and sometimes multiplied
inconstancy。 I never broke with them； whilst I had any hold at all； and
what occasion soever they have given me； never broke with them to hatred
or contempt； for such privacies； though obtained upon never so scandalous
terms； do yet oblige to some good will： I have sometimes； upon their
tricks and evasions； discovered a little indiscreet anger and impatience；
for I am naturally subject to rash emotions； which； though light and
short； often spoil my market。 At any time they have consulted my
judgment； I never stuck to give them sharp and paternal counsels； and to
pinch them to the quick。 If I have left them any cause to complain of
me； 'tis rather to have found in me； in comparison of the modern use； a
love foolishly conscientious than anything else。 I have kept my； word in
things wherein I might easily have been dispensed； they sometimes
surrendered themselves with reputation； and upon articles that they were
willing enough should be broken by the conqueror： I have； more than once；
made pleasure in its greatest effort strike to the interest of their
honour； and where reason importuned me； have armed them against myself；
so that they ordered themselves more decorously and securely by my rules；
when they frankly referred themselves to them； than they would have done
by their own。 I have ever； as much as I could； wholly taken upon myself
alone the hazard of our assignations； to acquit them； and have always
contrived our meetings after the hardest and most unusual manner； as less
suspected； and； moreover； in my opinion； more accessible。 They are
chiefly more open； where they think they are most securely shut； things
least feared are least interdicted and observed； one may more boldly dare
what nobody thinks you dare； which by its difficulty becomes easy。 Never
had any man his approaches more impertinently generative； this way of
loving is more according to discipline but how ridiculous it is to our
people； and how ineffectual； who better knows than I？ yet I shall not
repent me of it； I have nothing there more to lose：
〃Me tabula sacer
Votiva paries； indicat uvida
Suspendisse potenti
Vestimenta maris deo：〃
＇〃 The holy wall； by my votive table； shows that I have hanged up my
wet clothes in honour of the powerful god of the sea。〃
Horace； Od。； i。 5； 13。＇
'tis now time to speak out。 But as I might； per adventure； say to
another； 〃 Thou talkest idly； my friend； the love of thy time has little
commerce with faith and integrity；〃
〃Haec si tu postules
Ratione certa facere； nihilo plus agas；
Quam si des operam； ut cum ratione insanias：〃
＇〃If you seek to make these things certain by reason； you will do no
more than if you should seek to be mad in your senses。〃
Terence； Eun。； act i。； sc。 i； v。 16。＇
on the contrary； also； if it were for me to begin again； certainly it
should be by the same method and the same progress； how fruitless soever
it might be to me； folly and insufficiency are commendable in an
incommendable action： the farther I go from their humour in this； I
approach so much nearer to my own。 As to the rest； in this traffic； I
did not suffer myself to be totally carried away； I pleased myself in it；
but did not forget myself。 I retained the little sense and discretion
that nature has given me； entire for their service and my own： a little
emotion； but no dotage。 My conscience； also； was engaged in it； even to
debauch and licentiousness； but； as to ingratitude； treachery； malice；
and cruelty； never。 I would not purchase the pleasure of this vice at
any price； but content myself with its proper and simple cost：
〃Nullum intra se vitium est。〃
＇〃Nothing is a vice in itself。〃Seneca； Ep。； 95。＇
I almost equally hate a stupid and slothful laziness； as I do a toilsome
and painful employment； this pinches； the other lays me asleep。 I like
wounds as well as bruises； and cuts as well as dry blows。 I found in
this commerce； when I was the most able for it； a just moderation betwixt
these extremes。 Love is a sprightly； lively； and gay agitation； I was
neither troubled nor afflicted with it； but heated； and moreover；
disordered； a man must stop there； it hurts nobody but fools。 A young
man asked the philosopher Panetius if it were becoming a wise man to be
in love？ 〃Let the wise man look to that；〃 answered he； 〃but let not thou
and I； who are not so； engage ourselves in so stirring and violent an
affair； that enslaves us to others； and renders us contemptible to
ourselves。〃 He said true that we are not to intrust a thing so
precipitous in itself to a soul that has not wherewithal to withstand its
assaults and disprove practically the saying of Agesilaus； that prudence
and love cannot live together。 'Tis a vain employment； 'tis true；
unbecoming； shameful； and illegitimate； but carried on after this manner；
I look upon it as wholesome； and proper to enliven a drowsy soul and to
rouse up a heavy body； and； as an experienced physician； I would
prescribe it to a man of my form and condition； as soon as any other
recipe whatever； to rouse and keep him in vigour till well advanced in
years； and to defer the approaches of age。 Whilst we are but in the
suburbs； and that the pulse yet beats：
〃Dum nova canities； dum prima et recta senectus；
Dum superest lachesi quod torqueat； et pedibus me
Porto meis； nullo dextram subeunte bacillo；〃
＇Whilst the white hair is new； whilst old age is still straight
shouldered； whilst there still remains something for Lachesis to
spin； whilst I walk on my own legs； and need no staff to lean upon。〃
Juvenal； iii。 26。＇
we have need to be solicited and tickled by some such nipping incitation
as this。 Do but observe what youth； vigour； and gaiety it inspired the
good Anacreon withal： and Socrates； who was then older than I； speaking
of an amorous object：
〃Leaning；〃 said he； 〃my shoulder to her shoulder； and my head to hers； as
we were reading together in a book； I felt； without dissembling； a sudden
sting in my shoulder like the biting of an insect； which I still felt
above five days after； and a continual itching crept into my heart。〃 So
that merely the accidental touch； and of a shoulder； heated and altered a
soul cooled and enerved by age； and the strictest liver of all mankind。
And； pray； why not？ Socrates was a man； and would neither be； nor seem；
any other thing。 Philosophy does not contend against natural pleasures；
provided they be moderate； and only preaches moderation； not a total
abstinence； the power of its resistance is employed against those that
are adulterate and strange。 Philosophy says that the appetites of the
body ought not to be augmented by the mind； and ingeniously warns us not
to stir up hunger by saturity； not to stuff； instead of merely filling；
the belly； to avoid all enjoyments that may bring us to want； and all
meats and drinks that bring thirst and hunger： as； in the service of
love； she prescribes us to take such an object as may simply satisfy the
body's need； and does not stir the soul； which ought only barely to
follow and assist the body； without mixing in the affair。 But have I not
reason to hold that these precepts； which； indeed； in my opinion； are
somewhat over strict； only concern a body in its best plight； and that in
a body broken with age； as in a weak stomach； 'tis excusable to warm and
support it by art； and by the mediation of the fancy to restore the
appetite and cheerfulness it has lost of itself。
May we not say that there is nothing in us； during this earthly prison；
that is purely either corporeal or spiritual； and that we injuriously
break up a man alive； and that it seems but reasonable that we should
carry ourselves as favourably； at least； towards the use of pleasure as
we do towards that of pain！ Pain was （for example） vehement even to
perfection in the souls of the saints by penitence： the body had there
naturally a sham by the right of union； and yet might have but little
part in the cause； and yet are they not contented that it should barely
follow and assist the afflicted soul： they have afflicted itself with
grievous and special torments； to the end that by emulation of one
another the soul and body might plunge man into misery by so much more
salutiferous as it is more severe。 In like manner； is it not injustice；
in bodily pleasures； to subdue and keep under the soul； and say that it
must therein be dragged along as to some enforced and servile obligation
and necessity？ 'Tis rather her part to hatch and cherish them； there to
present herself； and to invite them； the authority of ruling belonging to
her； as it is also her part； in my opinion； in pleasures that are proper
to