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competitors should appear to be entirely equal； they should have respect
to birth： this was justly to give it its rank。 A young man unknown；
coming to Antigonus to make suit for his father's command； a valiant man
lately dead： 〃Friend；〃 said he；〃 in such preferments as these； I have not
so much regard to the nobility of my soldiers as to their prowess。〃
And； indeed； it ought not to go as it did with the officers of the kings
of Sparta； trumpeters； fiddlers； cooks； the children of whom always
succeeded to their places； how ignorant soever； and were preferred before
the most experienced in the trade。 They of Calicut make of nobles a sort
of superhuman persons： they are interdicted marriage and all but warlike
employments： they may have of concubines their fill； and the women as
many lovers； without being jealous of one another； but 'tis a capital and
irremissible crime to couple with a person of meaner conditions than
themselves； and they think themselves polluted； if they have but touched
one in walking along； and supposing their nobility to be marvellously
interested and injured in it； kill such as only approach a little too
near them： insomuch that the ignoble are obliged to cry out as they walk；
like the gondoliers of Venice； at the turnings of streets for fear of
jostling； and the nobles command them to step aside to what part they
please： by that means these avoid what they repute a perpetual ignominy；
those certain death。 No time； no favour of the prince； no office； or
virtue； or riches； can ever prevail to make a plebeian become noble： to
which this custom contributes； that marriages are interdicted betwixt
different trades； the daughter of one of the cordwainers' gild is not
permitted to marry a carpenter； and parents are obliged to train up their
children precisely in their own callings； and not put them to any other
trade； by which means the distinction and continuance of their fortunes
are maintained。
A good marriage； if there be any such； rejects the company and conditions
of love； and tries to represent those of friendship。 'Tis a sweet
society of life； full of constancy； trust； and an infinite number of
useful and solid services and mutual obligations； which any woman who has
a right taste：
〃Optato quam junxit lumine taeda〃
＇〃Whom the marriage torch has joined with the desired light。〃
Catullus； lxiv。 79。＇
would be loth to serve her husband in quality of a mistress。 If she be
lodged in his affection as a wife； she is more honourably and securely
placed。 When he purports to be in love with another； and works all he
can to obtain his desire； let any one but ask him； on which he had rather
a disgrace should fall； his wife or his mistress； which of their
misfortunes would most afflict him； and to which of them he wishes the
most grandeur； the answer to these questions is out of dispute in a sound
marriage。
And that so few are observed to be happy； is a token of its price and
value。 If well formed and rightly taken； 'tis the best of all human
societies； we cannot live without it； and yet we do nothing but decry it。
It happens； as with cages； the birds without despair to get in； and those
within despair of getting out。 Socrates being asked； whether it was more
commodious to take a wife or not； 〃Let a man take which course he will；〃
said he； 〃he will repent。〃 'Tis a contract to which the common
saying：
〃Homo homini aut deus aut lupus；〃
＇〃Man to man is either a god or a wolf。〃Erasmus； Adag。＇
may very fitly be applied； there must be a concurrence of many qualities
in the construction。 It is found nowadays more convenient for simple and
plebeian souls； where delights； curiosity； and idleness do not so much
disturb it； but extravagant humours； such as mine； that hate all sorts of
obligation and restraint； are not so proper for it：
〃Et mihi dulce magis resoluto vivere collo。〃
＇〃And it is sweet to me to live with a loosened neck。〃
Pseudo Gallus； i。 61。＇
Might I have had my own will； I would not have married Wisdom herself； if
she would have had me。 But 'tis to much purpose to evade it； the common
custom and usance of life will have it so。 The most of my actions are
guided by example； not by choice； and yet I did not go to it of my own
voluntary motion； I was led and drawn to it by extrinsic occasions； for
not only things that are incommodious in themselves； but also things
however ugly； vicious； and to be avoided； may be rendered acceptable by
some condition or accident； so unsteady and vain is all human resolution！
and I was persuaded to it； when worse prepared and less tractable than I
am at present； that I have tried what it is： and as great a libertine as
I am taken to be； I have in truth more strictly observed the laws of
marriage； than I either promised or expected。 'Tis in vain to kick； when
a man has once put on his fetters： a man must prudently manage his
liberty； but having once submitted to obligation； he must confine himself
within the laws of common duty； at least； do what he can towards it。
They who engage in this contract； with a design to carry themselves in it
with hatred and contempt； do an unjust and inconvenient thing； and the
fine rule that I hear pass from hand to hand amongst the women； as a
sacred oracle：
＇〃Serve thy husband as thy master； but guard thyself against him as
from a traitor。〃＇
which is to say； comport thyself towards him with a dissembled； inimical；
and distrustful reverence （a cry of war and defiance）； is equally
injurious and hard。 I am too mild for such rugged designs： to say the
truth； I am not arrived to that perfection of ability and refinement of
wit； to confound reason with injustice； and to laugh at all rule and
order that does not please my palate； because I hate superstition； I do
not presently run into the contrary extreme of irreligion。
（If a man hate superstition he cannot love religion。 D。W。）
If a man does not always perform his duty； he ought at least to love and
acknowledge it； 'tis treachery to marry without espousing。
Let us proceed。
Our poet represents a marriage happy in a good accord wherein
nevertheless there is not much loyalty。 Does he mean； that it is not
impossible but a woman may give the reins to her own passion； and yield
to the importunities of love； and yet reserve some duty toward marriage；
and that it may be hurt； without being totally broken？ A serving man may
cheat his master； whom nevertheless he does not hate。 Beauty；
opportunity； and destiny （for destiny has also a hand in't）；
〃Fatum est in partibus illis
Quas sinus abscondit； nam； si tibi sidera cessent；
Nil faciet longi mensura incognita nervi；〃
＇〃There is a fatality about the hidden parts： let nature have
endowed you however liberally； 'tis of no use； if your good star
fails you in the nick of time。〃Juvenal； ix。 32。＇
have attached her to a stranger； though not so wholly； peradventure； but
that she may have some remains of kindness for her husband。 They are two
designs； that have several paths leading to them； without being
confounded with one another； a woman may yield to a man she would by no
means have married； not only for the condition of his fortune； but for
those also of his person。 Few men have made a wife of a mistress； who
have not repented it。 And even in the other world； what an unhappy life
does Jupiter lead with his； whom he had first enjoyed as a mistress！
'Tis； as the proverb runs； to befoul a basket and then put it upon one's
head。 I have in my time； in a good family； seen love shamefully and
dishonestly cured by marriage： the considerations are widely different。
We love at once； without any tie； two things contrary in themselves。
Socrates was wont to say； that the city of Athens pleased； as ladies do
whom men court for love； every one loved to come thither to take a turn；
and pass away his time； but no one liked it so well as to espouse it；
that is； to inhabit there； and to make it his constant residence。 I have
been vexed to see husbands hate their wives only because they themselves
do them wrong； we should not； at all events； methinks； love them the less
for our own faults； they should at least； upon the account of repentance
and compassion； be dearer to us。
They are different ends； he says； and yet in some sort compatible；
marriage has utility； justice； honour； and constancy for its share；
a flat； but more universal pleasure： love founds itself wholly upon
pleasure； and； indeed； has it more full； lively； and sharp； a pleasure
inflamed by difficulty； there must be in it sting and smart： 'tis no
longer love； if without darts and fire。 The bounty of ladies is too
profuse in marriage； and dulls the point of affection and desire： to
evade which inconvenience； do but observe what pains Lycurgus and Plato
take in their laws。
Women are not to blame at all； when they refuse the rules of life that
are introduced into the world； forasmuch as the men make them without
their help。 There is naturally contention and brawling betwixt th